Torn .. (12)

Hello everyone :)

I've been on CS for a few weeks and have really enjoyed talking with everyone in the forums. Many intelligent, thoughtful and sincere people out there. I find myself somewhat confused about a situation and am asking for a little input.

I was talking to someone online on and off for about four years, we met on IRC and always got along really well. Until about a year ago, we would run into each other every few months, but something or another always came between us and we would drift apart. Well, about a year ago, we started talking daily..we grew closer and although I'd always felt a connection with him, the connection grew stronger. There was always something holding me back though..deep down I'd always had a feeling that I couldn't trust him..it was nothing I could pinpoint from his behaviour or actions, it was just a feeling.

We stopped talking again for a few months, mostly due to the fact that I wasn't able to fully trust him..in December we started talking again and he told me he was coming to Ontario to visit his aunt..-he lives in Wales- so he ended up coming to visit me for a few days.. I had agreed to meet him, mostly because I wanted to see if the connection was there in person as well. I felt very comfortable with him and loved having him around while he was here. It felt as though we'd known each other for a very long time. When he left he said he was going to his aunts for a week and then home..the day after he left I got an e-mail from him saying he was home in Wales..he claimed that his "travel agent" had screwed up the dates etc.. he booked his flight online. To make a long story short, I confronted him because I knew he was lying.. he admitted to me that he had lied..

I thought that the lie about his aunt was the only lie..HA..he admitted that he lied about his aunt..but told me he was 22..-I thought he was 30..- he had looked younger than 30..but I am 29 and I look much younger..I get carded if I buy lottery tickets..lol..anyhow.. He had lied about his occupation..he had told me he lived on his own..he lived with his parents..etc..essentially everything he told me was a lie. Needless to say, I was crushed..I felt betrayed..and I told him I never wanted to talk to him again etc..and since then I haven't talked to him..but he still sends me messages..every day he sends me an e-mail..I've blocked 6 e-mail addresses and he keeps sending from different ones.. I don't reply to him..but the messages are all the same .. -You are my soulmate and I love you-

I'm torn because I don't know if I should talk to him again..and see what he has to say or if I should just continue living my life and eventually he'll see that and move on. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be with him..he lied to me for four years and came to visit me under false pretenses.. I can't forget that.. I can forgive and I have already..but I will not sacrifice my personal values for the sake of companionship.

I'm curious if anyone has a similar experience that they are willing to share and to get some feedback on the sitation. Sorry the message was so long and thank you all in advance.

I had a similar situation happen to me...not to the extent of yours but along the same lines...

As far as i was concerned the person whom i had "bonded" and made a "frienship" with was not the person in front of me...and therefore I had no qualms about ending the "relationship"...

I was very hurt and devastated to say the least, because we had gotten along so well...and at any time he could have told me the truth, but he waited to long for that, my trust had been broken and there was no repairing that. I probably would have liked him just as much had i known the truth, but he never gave me that option...

He continued to message me...i never opened any just deleted them all and though on and off he continues to message me, i still just leave them unopened and delete...like you...I will not compromise myself for someone like that.

When it come's to dating, I go with my gut. I have found that in most case's if my gut is telling me something doesn't jive, then it's usually right. I would just move on if I were you. Good luck!

I'm sorry you've had this happen to you MissJ. I haven't had any similar experiences, but I thought I'd share this with you...IMO, Trust is the very basic requirement for any relationship we have, male or female, if it's to be a true and honest one.

Once trust has been broken, the relationship is no longer viable...if these lies had gone on for a couple months and then he finally admitted to them, one could understand that maybe he didn't want to disclose his true situation to a stranger on the internet in the beginning, but 4 years is a long time to deceive someone.

I hope that you are strong enough to move on knowing that there is someone out there that is better for you and to you! I wish you tons of luck!!

There's always Dougie

lol..yes there is Dougie :P But always Dougie for what? You weren't specific Captain :P

Dougie for what? Hmmmm. Sorry I brought it up. Maybe he could give you a nice tattoo

Forgive the slob tell him if he lies again you will kick him in the stones