So now I am confused... ( Archived) (20)

So, Ive been talking to a guy for about a month or so now. We've met, hung out... I like him, he likes me... well now my emotions have turned. Its not that I cant see a future... I just dont know how to act/react. I have been *single* for over a year now... but I've pretty much been doing it alone for almost three years now because I've been the sole provider for my home/kids etc... and the thought of someone turning my world upside down (in a good way or otherwise) scares the ever lovin crap outta me... I just dont know how to express that to him, so that he'll back off a bit and see where things lead. Anyone got advice?

Hi there......

Tell him what you just told us and that you
want to slow down a bit.

Or is it that he is not the one you want to
share your life with?


good luck.....

In short I would tell him that you would like to slow down. But assure him that it's not him, explain that you have been single for sometime and it's going to take some time to adjust into a new relationship. You need to do this for not only yourself but for your kids, because you need to be thinking about them first and them seeing mommy with a new guy will have it's faults as well. If you explain this to him and if he cares for you and wants this to grow into something special, he'll take your advise.

It sounds that you are not willing to accept "change" I could be wrong in that assumption, but it's what I've read. I been single for three years now also and have become codependent also. However I believe if you allow him to slowly work in your life, that fear that you have inside will quench and you will be able to give him all of your heart, if in fact there is where you want it to lead. Hope this advise helps you..

Keith

"It sounds that you are not willing to accept "change" I could be wrong in that assumption"

Eh... you're probably right in that aspect. I am more a creature of habit than a creature of change. -Hence why I stayed with the kids' dad so long...

There is also the factor of a 2 (almost 3yr old) that is *looking* for a dad -theirs died in Aug- and an 8mo old that doesnt even know what a dad is. I think it really scares me to no end that my kids
-could- get hurt, which would hurt me even more-so.

As for the first reply, I dont know where I want it to go, really. I want to have fun. Adult interaction... but, I dont think I am ready to settle with just one person. The field is wide open, many players on it, and after pretty much 3yrs of singledom, I dont know. Maybe I'm looking too much into something and over analyzing things... but its funny to me that I kinda went into a quest for something, without fully knowing what I wanted from the end result (if that makes sense?)

Perfect sense.......

Despite the list of wants most of us have,

I really don't think we know what we want

till it's standing there in front of us.

Have some fun and take good care.

Do what is right for you

You have only been chatting

you dont owe the guy any explanation

I had a revelation... It was at first when there was the game of cat and mouse... the unanswered question of "do you like me?"...

Then, I think the bigger revelation came into play when I started meeting people thru work who show a lot of interest. (I work in a hotel) The casual flirts as they walk in of an evening (extended stay guests) etc etc... and while this one guy is sweet and charming, handsome etc... its like being a baby and learning to crawl and walk... theres a whole new world to explore... babies/toddlers dont like being "pinned up" once they learn of the whole new world... and thats sorta how I feel. Its like all the sudden... its not just one person showing interest... its more than one... OMG its the variety pack KWIM? And when you buy a variety pack of say chips... you choose through them, right? UH... when theres more than one man (or woman) showing interest, why settle with the first one that you "grab" (back to the variety chip bag metaphore) but seriously how am I supposed to put that into a not so harsh way... I dont wanna be like "Hey man, well yeah, you see... theres like tons of guys out there and well... I wanna just play the field for a while... in the mean time, lets just be friends?" Cause I really hate the whole "Lets just be friends" crap, because usually, it means they really have no desire to ever see where things go, and its the easy way out...

Bah Im going to bed... thanks for your replies so far... Guess I just needed to blab to someone since my best friend is at her ex bf's house and not answerin the phone!

Maybe uh... now I think he's completely insecure, constantly asking if i'm mad at him or something... if im busy and cant talk... thought girls were the ones that acted this way? Hrmph. any ideas??

I think the fear of the unknown happens to all of us The initial stages of attraction leave us feeling anxious, randy and optimistic. Then reality sets in and you have to self evaluate, find out what you really want. When we step outside our comfort zone it seems like we can not adapt to change. By that I mean, you've been single, independant and responsible. Just because someone comes into your life that appeals to you does not necessarily pose a threat to your situation. You need to let him know that you enjoy being with him, you want to continue seeing him but you are not ready for a committed relationship at this time. If this guy is really into you, he will understand. If he is the type that wants to possess you, then move on, there's so many men out there! Don't sweat the small stuff!