starting out slowly ( Archived) (41)

taking the time to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship i found works bettter then if u just jump right into one its important to be freinds with your partner as well if any females feel this way let me know

I agree. I th ink you build a little more trust with a man if he takes his time with you and takes the time to invest in something that obviously shows a mutual attraction to one another... it also makes it kind of exciting to think about what it would be like once he makes the actual move.... but not to wait too long. But, when he does, you both know it is an investment to a long term relationship built on respect.

But what is slow and what is fast? In my experience if you don't kiss by the second date and start getting
intimate by the fifth then a woman feels either uncomfortable, and looks for someone who will try harder, or too comfortable and settles for friendship,
or both. So that's the time frome. But it is also
my experience that you never really get to know someone for six months. Until then, you don't really know if they are right for you. They may just be on their best behaviour, or, oops, you may be. So, in a sense it was better in the old days when you weren't expected to make a move on someone for six months, at least the two time frames conincided and by the time you got close you really knew the person was right for you.
dpw

Well chrisoq9 I agree with what your saying. Obviously it would be better for both parties concerned to spend time getting to know each other before jumping into a full blown relationship. Only problem bieng it seem's to be the way of the world lately, most people get into relationship's that way. I have actually to my own disgrace done it myself.

As for your question LL187 ! Well what can I say, it is such a difficult thing to gauge, the right time !when is the right time ? I wish sometimes we could back to old ideal's, seeing as the new one's don't workvery well. Truth is though, that's all gone and people live there live's to fast to slow down and take in the scenery. Even back then though there were as many problem's as there is today, it's just people did'nt take there affair's home( be honest and tell thier wives) they kept all secret's like that in the closet. I have actually spoken to someone in there early sixties at great length about this particular subject. I was expecting a lovely we alway's stuck together in them day's, but no I found out about affair's, dishonesty but above all don't take it home !!!

A question for you LL187 if back then relationship's did go so slow to enable a perfect match, then why have they still broke up !!!

i agree that going slow is the thing to do,but sometimes feelings can overide the brain.The same day I met my ex we got together.We were together 16 years,before it ended.Goes to show that you never know.

i don't think there is a time limit for these things,just follow your heart.

It's not going slow to enable a perfect match,
Ann-Marie, it is going slow to make sure you are with
the right one. In the old days you used to date several people at once, if you could, I couldn't, but that was the idea, but go slow till you figured out the best one, then go steady with him or her, then do that for a long time, then have a long engagement, lots of time to back off.

Is there a computer scientist in the house? What happened to dear WildStrawberries? She disappeared.
I hope she won the game. Anyway she was a computer
scientist and would recognize the diffrence between
breadth-first and depth-first searches. We are looking
for something. We can try to find it by a shallow
examination of every branch of the tree, that is to say, every person we meet, or we can follow the first
branch we come to right to the very tip before rejecting it, that is to say, we can become very intimate very quickly with the first person who will have us. People very between these strategies, men tending to do the latter, which it depth-first searching, and some women are very much the former, breadth-first searching, getting to know a lot of men but never getting very close to any of them.

Personally, I don't think people are very good at
searching for love, and I think if you are with the
right person it is completely obvious. It is only when you are with someone who isn't right that it becomes a problem. However in our current society only about 1 in 1,000 people are lucky enough to meet the right person.

dpw

Hiyah again D.P.W

Well you are right as far as we are rubbish at looking for love, well I mean to say I know I am. Hopefully one day I will be one of the 1,000 finding myself lucky in love.

Hey Baby,go with the flow and all will fall into place as it should.show no fear or regrets and never look back.It messes up the flow.Embrace all the future has to offer willingly and what you seek be it love or otherwise will come in due time