honesty (59)

May be! My prospective partner is also on this site For now till we meet in flesh and blood (soon - we're working on it ), we read one another's contribitons to the forums and blow one another kisses while we have a laugh with some of the friends we made in here... We also communicate by other far more private means of course

Homer I'm happy to listen and share what you want to share as long as it's a way for you to clarify things in your mind and come to terms with them. As long as you are not doing it to hurt yourself...

Snowflower,

I know I dont have to explain and justify all this to others, only to myself. I went first to a strict methodist school followed by firming up in a dunjeon of a Jesuit school. All this while my parents were crypto communists and atheists to the core.

The net result has been for so so many years a complete split in my thinking. I have done what all men have done and perhaps more - mortals I should say instead of men. I have suppressed my feelings of jealousy, of envy, of anger, of hatred and at the end of it understood nothing and felt totally alienated and misunderstood. My ethic was too strong a brew. My stomach couldnt suffer it any more.

At the age of 26 I met an Italian lad from the south where any sign of intelligence and they were taken by the church. Enzo was his name - not much attention devoted even at birth, never anything fanciful, not even a name that spoke of his parent's ambitions. He joined the orders at age 7; became a theologian; taught philosophy at Rome and THEN discovered girls after 30 years of strict catholic indoctrination.

I was doing my MBA in Brussels and he was studying photography; he worked as a hotel porter at night and I was a waiter across the street. We met through his girlfriend Bernadette who was a connection. Enzo had applied for for post at the EU as translator, waited many years, got the plum job and threw it away for photography. He knew that his chances at being successful as a photograher were very low - it wasnt talent of which he had plenty, but the fierce competition and infighting.

We met through Bernadette and became fast friends. We talked about everything. His depth of knowledge was profound. He was not a flash intellectual - he was world class and so very humble and inobstrusive. I sat at his knees - metaphorically - and talk and asked questions about everything from casuistry to physics and love. At the same time I betrayed him. I had an affair with Bernadette, so beautiful she was, so loving and so ever felt roped in by Enzo's purity.

My first betrayal. Horrific, when I think of it.

Enzo and I came to Lux at about the same time - me with a banking job, he with a commmission job. In four months he was gone

I have to leave now.

More later

Trinanjan/Homer

She's probably become a mistress to a married man .. Why do girls enjoy destroying lives in this way ? Clean up your own act first , please ..

To all women , and not my darling Sunflower

Knowing so much about philosophy as you do - still you are inflicted by the thought and confusion and feeling what is truth and lies .. damn Priests -
I am sorry whatever they have done to you Trinanjan - get rid of it !
They where wrong - not you !


Love Gela

you are so right hf so true so much damage done to people by priests preying on them and instilling fear in them

Agree with most of what you've written Smoky.

Not sure about being in a full relationship/marriage (not an estranged one) and being on here as if being free/single (broken down relationship or not in a relationship) ... because without honesty whoever responds to that person is being taken for a ride while they are investing their honest feelings into something that has no future may be and also probably a lot of hurt when they discover they have been lied to .... That's one angle...

If the person is honest about not being free/single then I guess it's up to those who respond to decide whether they are comfortable with that "set up". I won't even go into the side of things about the present partner knowing or not knowing what is going on...