Long Distance Relationships. Why men have the women come to them instead of vice versa? ( Archived) (35)

Miss blackneckbaby

Yes, I have been in this very situation. Firstly they expect you to visit them. Which for a first visit I prefer, or I suggest we meet somethere in the middle. This keeps whatever out of my back yard until I know this is worth investing in. Who pays- that depends. I always offer to pay my own way but willing to accept their generous offer.
Once you're face to face if the chemsitry is right and he starts picturing you meeting dear ol' momma or he 's hearing trumpeting angels, inevitably he says "You're really going to like living in (insert name of his town/city)"
Huh, what, where did that come from. Yes, it's an assumption that most (not all) men make. Why? I guess because traditionally men are the breadwinners who are settled with a job and a family, etc. Even if its not true in fact, the expectation exists.
So far, I haven't had to make the final choice to move or mot to move. IF it came down to our relationship and me moving somewhere, or being single again, honestly I would chose the latter. IF he isn't willing to compromise about this, what else am I going to have to change for him?

Just one woman's opinion

Just wondering why you would even consider coming here in the 1st place...LOL Just kidding!

I love Wisconny, but if you so choose to be with this man, bring your bunny boots and a snow shovel, cuz we sure got some snow this yr...lol Ok, maybe NOT alot, it was a pretty mild winter for us.

Ok, back to your question. I don't think I would be able to pull up stakes and move after meeting a man on the internet only wks before. Months would be pushing it for me also.
I moved me and my kids to Texas to be with my boyfriend of 4 yrs, only for it to blow up in my face after 3 months. Nah, to me it's NOT worth it to pull up stakes and leave all you know and are comfortable with.

Just my opinion though...........

Cautious,
lol I gotta hand it to ya girl I loved this part hehe "You're really going to like living in (insert name of his town/city)"

Haha had to laugh at that lmfao. I agree with you on meeting in the middle. And before I have always paid my own way. But there was a couple times I paid for everything and got nothing in return and I'm not still dwelling on that or anything just learned my lesson big time on those 2 ocassions. But whats funny he is a production supervisor for a local pet food manufacturer so he's got somewhat of a big title or role in his job and return I asked him the same question just out of curiousity. And he stated for the right person he would. But I wouldn't or couldn't let someone give up a good job just to be with me. I mean heck if they are well off where they are at and financially stable why give it up? I think we chat maybe if this once a week because his hours are way opposite of mine. I work during the day and he works from 3am-4pm so yeah we barely get a chance to talk therefore get to know each other so I tell ya I'm not really sweating this at all. Just shocked me right off the get go he asks me this ya know. LOL its like that mile long tire marks you leave when someone tells you something that blows your mind and you nearly run off the road LOL

I think you are right that the man should go first. Long distance relationships are very hard and MUST BE based on extreme communication. I do speak from experience. I have been involved 9 years in a long distance relationship. 3,000 miles and two countries seperated. The thing that you both have to understand about a long distance relationship is that you're not going to be together forever and moved in by next week so no matter what either of you are like as a person today, things change, people change, situations become harder to deal with, circumstances happen that can build blocks between you which sometimes are neithers fault (Reality Sux). Talking your way through the roadblocks will do many things for you both.

#1 You'll both get to really know the other person.
#2 You'll both be forced to understand another set of circumstances and situations other than your own that you have no control over.
#3 You'll learn compassion and online passion at the same time.
$4 You'll look way deep inside of each other and ask the hard questions.
#5 You'll have the feelings of greatest joy along with feelings of bottomless pit frustration (sometimes at the same time).
#6 You'll learn what trust really is. Both self-trust and partner trust.
#7
#8...

The list goes on and on. Hopefully you understand the meaning: It is Not easy and takes every bit of energy you have on some days, but it can be worth it in the end "IF" you both work hard to make it real.

The man coming to the woman first to me shows respect, honor, and all that. However that first showing of respect I also believe must be reciprocated as quickly as possible before the first meeting becomes one of the roadblocks itself (Justification).

Be Careful, Be Very Careful

I rode Greyhound for 72 hours to be with her the first time. I rode Amtrak once after that and Airline once after Amtrak before she came to me for the first time.

OH HOLY MIKE!!!! WOW. well I can't really speak from a WHOLE lot of experience. The closest I have come to a LDR is I have a best friend in houston texas we started talking about it and we have been friends for a long time and he has 3 beautiful kids and he still lives at home with mom and dad and not shooting that situation down or nothing because I'm 25 and still live at home going to college and working full time so. not saying that theres a thing wrong with living at home. lol but we talked about it and I told him I wouldn't ever have him move him and his kids here because I dunno if people stop to think about how hard a move is on kiddos. that means new surroundings, new kids, new school, new everything and even a kid losing friends is alot harder on them than it is an adult. we both decided to stay friends and ah man am I so glad we did because we have become the best of friends and have planned on visting one another and hang out as best friends nothing more. ;-)

LMAO I just might...where's he at?? LOL

If it's my ex-hubby I'm pee my pants...LMAO!!

*I'LL

I've been threw this same situaion,I was getting involded with my bride to be however we lived a few 100 miles away from each other and we were limited to the telephone at the time,but still myself i need too see the body lauguge of a person in front of me just talking by e-mail is not enough i have too feel the whole person and the only way to do that is by having that woman over during the week not just the weekend.Thats the time too talk openly and see the exsperion on the persons face to see if we have a conection or not,plus having met all kinds of woman i know insteadly if we conect,but enternet use does just not make it or the phone,i again it's a place to start but it has been more friendly than this forum could ever be.