A Few Dieting FAQ's... (13)
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Superb.
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Thanks Kansan...all the sweet justification I need to continue my road to sweet ruin!
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Glad to be of service, my friend!
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All sounds good to me!
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What a riot!!!------ This thread is Archived ------
Hi Kansan 
I recieved this diet plan, I hope you don't mind me sharing it on your thread
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Penguin Biscuit
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Penguins from the packet
1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping
DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
REMEMBER:
"Stressed" spelled backwards is desserts"
Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving this house morning, I finished off a bottle of Pinot, a bottle of Cardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of Pinqeuns, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
I recieved this diet plan, I hope you don't mind me sharing it on your thread
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Penguin Biscuit
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Penguins from the packet
1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping
DINNER
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
REMEMBER:
"Stressed" spelled backwards is desserts"
Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving this house morning, I finished off a bottle of Pinot, a bottle of Cardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of Pinqeuns, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
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Thank god...Now I know I'm following a healthy diet!
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I've been on a diet for over 2 months and I've lost 30 lbs. Now that you've helped me to see that cocoa beans are a vegetable, I have justification to eat that chocolate eclair that's keeps whispering to me. THANK YOU!!!!
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Really wish you had posted this in the joke forum. Too many chubbies using crap like this as though it were true. Yeah, 99% of their lame excuses sound just as stupid to me.
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Created: Aug 2007
Last Viewed: 13 hrs ago
Last Commented: Aug 2007
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.