Alright men - need your info ( Archived) (22)

I haven't read the book "He isn't really into you" ........................................................... yet;

so I'd like to know if you are serious about a woman, even if your schedule is extremely busy ie. work, family and other meetings etc. do you still make at least the effort to call or see this woman?

The reason that I'm asking is that I met someone a couple of months back now - at first it was great .... saw him a couple of times a week and also a few phone calls. Then suddenly I didn't hear from him for like 3 weeks. I telephoned and left a couple of messages, and then I finally wrote him and said I need to know if you want to continue because this isn't what I desire for a relationship. I got a response and an apology because his daughter had been ill and ended up seeing him the next day.

Well its now been a week since that last date and I haven't heard from him again ................ so I truly don't get it - if someone claims to be "crazy" about you - then why do I feel ignored and not important to him? I feel like I'm in limbo because I do like him alot, but I definitely don't want this type of relationship where I don't see or hear from the person for days on end.

I made it clear to him what I wanted and desired - I have to wonder if he is sincere, but simply too busy for a relationship. He talked before about trying to change his schedule so that he could see me .... I have to wonder if I just need to be more patient ....... or make the decision to move on.

Well, I for one think it is a bit rude not to call someone and let them know the situation. If his daughter was sick it would seem like a great personality trait for a father to focus on taking care of her instead of running around with friends, dating and having a good time. However shouldn't he at least have the courtesy to call you and explain what is going on. I am getting out of a similar situation with a girl who will go for weeks calling me every minute of the day. Then she will all of a sudden seem to drop off of the face of the planet for a week or two not even answering my calls. Then when I finally give up she will call me and expect me to drop everything to do something with her. I don't really know what is going on in these leaves of abscences, but it is very inconsiderate and I've had enough.

Don't know what to say, as I can never have all the facts clearly to make a fair analysis

I can only suggest that you take your time in the future to observe a person quite some time, whether it is online, or on IMs or on the phone, to make sure that he is consistent. Consistent not only in terms of his willingness to pursue a relationship with you but in general. There are no guarantess in life, as we all know. But the idea is to have a better understanding and perhaps to minimize the possibility of a potential heartbreak....

Best of luck, Langley....you know you are a friend

It may be that the two of you are just at different places in your lives. He obviously puts his career above a relationship, and you put the importance on the relationship. I know you've told him what you expect out of a relationship, but has he ever actually told you what his expectations are?

It could also be that he thought he was ready for the same thing you are, but then realized that he's not after the fact. It's not fair to you, but it does happen. It can also depend on how long he's been out of his last relationship, if he's actually over her, and if you're the first person he's been with since, then there isn't much hope.

There are so many variables, it's really hard to tell. You may be just incompatible personality types!

I know when I really like someone, at the very least, I'll send them a text message while I'm at work to let them know that I'm thinking about them.

I hope this helped a bit!

Dan

PS... By any chance is one of you a Scorpio, and the other an Aquarius? Sorry, I couldn't resist! (read back in the posts if you have no idea what I'm talking about!)

It doesn’t take much time to say hello and what’s up. If you’re sensing that something might be wrong, focus on it and be careful. Who knows, you might be right about your hunch.

It has been my experience that if I'm not interested in someone, there is like some stupid part of my brain that makes calling them or seeing them, feel like too much effort.

My polite upbringing can override that, but I suspect that some men give in to it.

If a guy has not contacted you in a week, after having been out with you a few times the prior week, call it off. I'll guarantee he isn't interested in you. And if he was, would you like that type of "interest" to begin with?

And sometimes, a person is just empathetic enough to continue seeing someone, even if they don't feel that it is right. Chalk that up to being lonely, or being too caring. So even a nice guy can make that mistake.

But actions speak louder than words when men are concerned. I'd vote move on.

Well thanks for all the input ........... because I think everyone has valid points.

RiverMountain says it best to me when he says that actions speak louder than words; because I firmly believe that is true. Someone can have the best of intentions but if you don't follow through - what does it truly mean?

As for this man he has demonstrated to me that his family is extremely important to him and he makes the effort to try and speak with them everyday. I'm not the first woman that he's been seeing since his divorce - but he did say his divorce was caused by him working too much and that the relationship with the woman before me was ended by him because she wanted to see him when he was busy with his daughter.

I can totally understand our kids being a priority because I'm a parent as well - but I do think that the effort it takes to call is minimal when someone is important to us.

I'm definitely not the type to be hanging around waiting for the phone to ring as my schedule is pretty crazy too, I haven't hounded him with phone calls because that personally drives me crazy when someone is like that, but I did expect more.

Heck ............... I really don't know the answer ........... but I will ponder your words and make a decision for sure this week because I'm going to ask him again - what he truly wants and desires from the relationship. So thanks again guys!!

Oh by the way Dan, I'm an Aquarius and he is a Virgo ........... so I think that we are supposed to actually get along.