Joke thread - post your jokes here! (11)

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

After just a few years of marriage,filled with constant arguments,a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try conceling.When they arrived at the concelor's office,the conselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion."What seems to be the problem?"The wife began talking describing all the wrongs within their marriage.After 15 minutes of listening to the wife,the conselor went over her,picked her up by her shoulders,kissed her passionately for several minutes and sat her back down.Afterwards,the wife sat there speechless.He looked over at the husband who was starig in disbelief at what had happened.The conselor spoke to the husband,"Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week"!
The husband scrached his head and replied,"I can have her here on Mondays and Thursdays."

luverly new pics too Nat

Jacko!

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”

The man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead, seven to nothing.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, “What was that?”

She replies, “Touchdown, tie score.”

The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work another one up. He tries so hard that he craps all over the bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?” He replies, “Half time. Switch sides.”