Women and men some advice please ( Archived) (15)

Hello my mane is Stella. I dont post often but I was wondering if some of you might have some FRIENDLY advice for me. SO here is my problem....... I have this HUGE jealousy issue and I need some advice on how to deal with it because it is effecting my relationships. A little on my backround to help you see why. I am 26 and a single mom of a 3 year old. I have been married and divorces twice both men cheated on me(both men were virgins though) but still. Please help if you can and please only FRIENDLY advise. Thanks all.

It doesn't solve anything by being jealous...if yours is not controllable you may need counseling...I went through the same thing...not near as jealous as I used to be...if someone makes me too jealous I just leave them...if they are going to do things that disrespect you, you don't need them...but if you are pushing things on him that are not there, then you need to take control of your emotions...maybe you need to just find someone who is totally into you...that would help!

Hi Stella

I had this problem when I was a lot younger, and a friend set me down and said something to me that really opened my eyes, since that I bit my lip if I start feeling the jealousy bug start buzzing around..

My friend told me first all what is the point of waiting all that energy being jealous? If a person is going to cheat, what can you do? Say stop? Nothing you can do can sway a person if they have made up their minds to do something.
Next thing to think about is that the energy you spend being jealous usually ends the relationship you were so worried about losing in the first place.
Lastly when people cheat they always have personal feelings that they have betrayed the person they are with, and their subconscious takes over and they slip up and start giving off hints until they are caught.

thank you all you are all right I just need someone that is going to be there for me. I know I read into things to much but the man Im really into right now is in another country and its just hard because we dont talk often but when we do all he says is right I just wish there was a way for him to show it. Im trying my hardest to leave my past in the past and not let it stop my future I was just seeing if I could get some more advice. Again thank you all you all seem really great mabe I should talk on here more often it seems to help.
Thank you

First of all its good your recognise you have a problem. And it obviously didn't help you have been cheated on twice, But i must ask did your insecurity cause them to cheat in the first place? Just a question its no excuse for their behaviour just looking for a little insight.

Have you always been jealous perhaps of siblings do you fear you will abandoned. Jealousy usually springs lack of confidence and insecurity, you need to find out why you feel like this. First place i would look back to is the past to see if i felt like this when you was growing up. Its hard to advise some one about something like this unless you know their back ground

do things that will build your confidence and don't depend on other people for your happiness only you are in control of that

Hi pilipala,
No I was never like this before my first ex was just a mess we should have never been married we fought before and continued after. But my next Im not sure what happened we were very happy when he was military but when he got out we moved to his home town and he couldnt find a job. I worked and my son was in daycare and he sat at home on the computer on my 25th birthday he told me he loved this girl he was in the military with and he was going t be with her and he didnt ask to be a dad so he was gone. I do agree I need to just get over it and Im trying because this other guy I meet on here and I really like. I dont want to push him away.

I hope I get some more advice from people after people start getting off work

Stella ,
You have to remember the people you meet arent the ones from the past and they will make some of same mistakes as the ones did in the past but that dont mean they will go down the same road as the others did, if you look for every little thing that caused you to break up with the others than you are just living a past over and over time to look further down the road and see who they really are not the mistakes they can make.