The Dog in the Manger (16)
Marivanna_the_II: Been wanting to ask this question long time ago.
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
Either accept people for what they are, as they won't change their character.............or don't bother..........let your head rule your heart not the other way round. I always go on gut instinct though and have very rarely been wrong.......beautiful day indeed...............off to see the re enactments at Rinella....enjoy your day tooHow soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
Marivanna_the_II: Been wanting to ask this question long time ago.
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
Maybe you just need to accept that life is good, life is not infinite, we shall all die one day and that nothing in this life is guaranteed!
You should think about yourself first - and try to be truthful (a hard thing, I admit, for me to do myself)......... then do NOT be afraid to tell a.n. other how you feel - the truth can hurt, but not telling 'the other person' if you are unhappy will only make things worse for both of you in the future.
That's my opinion - seems to me, like myself, you have had several relationships in the past (who hasn't on CS?). We all would like to know the answer to one big question regarding past failures:
'Was it my fault it didn't work out?'
Think about it, though..... does it really matter?
Maybe there are things about us all as individuals that aren't all nice, but then nobody is perfect. Maybe there are mistakes we tend to not just make but repeat in relationships.
So, what? We are either capable of making subtle, yet powerful, changes to our behaviour that can and shall improve present and/or future relationships or we are NOT capable.
If we CAN change for the better - GREAT!
If we cannot change something we don't like about ourselves, then what? Should we condemn ourselves to NEVER having another loving relationship for the rest of our natural lives? I hope not.
I hope that two mature, loving individuals can work together in such a way that BOTH lives asre enriched; if they are not then they should split up as soon as possible - a one-way relationship will never ever work over time.
two questions in one here:
As to how soon.....first of all you know because deep down inside you there's a little voice that tells you "yes" or "no"
sometimes this voice is a bit vague and it sounds like a "maybe"
sometimes, one's eyes can be deceitful or perhaps self blind, but even in total blindness, inflicted or not, there's always that little voice that is somewhere within one that tells you.. "yes" or "no".
as to how soon... it depends on how long one wants to pretend the voice is saying "yes" when it's actually saying "no". how long is a piece of string?
and here is the other one:
well... if one is blind out of self inflicted blindness, then that person is not suffering. that person is beyong that.
if the other party doesn't comply (and by that I gather there's something that one wishes it was different) then, if the person who wants the other person to change is the person who will suffer... You can mould a 2 year old up to an extent but not a grown up.
the person that doesn't comply won't suffer, he/she will carry on as usual and if that person cocmplies it will only be a temporary thing.
I've read in another thread about changing people's behaviour... and no.
.. people don't change... people remain what they are.
Marivanna_the_II: Been wanting to ask this question long time ago.
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship?
do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship?
do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
As to how soon.....first of all you know because deep down inside you there's a little voice that tells you "yes" or "no"
sometimes this voice is a bit vague and it sounds like a "maybe"
sometimes, one's eyes can be deceitful or perhaps self blind, but even in total blindness, inflicted or not, there's always that little voice that is somewhere within one that tells you.. "yes" or "no".
as to how soon... it depends on how long one wants to pretend the voice is saying "yes" when it's actually saying "no". how long is a piece of string?
and here is the other one:
Marivanna_the_II:
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
well... if one is blind out of self inflicted blindness, then that person is not suffering. that person is beyong that.
if the other party doesn't comply (and by that I gather there's something that one wishes it was different) then, if the person who wants the other person to change is the person who will suffer... You can mould a 2 year old up to an extent but not a grown up.
the person that doesn't comply won't suffer, he/she will carry on as usual and if that person cocmplies it will only be a temporary thing.
I've read in another thread about changing people's behaviour... and no.
.. people don't change... people remain what they are. 
dragonfly88: if the other party doesn't comply (and by that I gather there's something that one wishes it was different) then, if the person who wants the other person to change is the person who will suffer... You can mould a 2 year old up to an extent but not a grown up.
the person that doesn't comply won't suffer, he/she will carry on as usual and if that person complies it will only be a temporary thing.
the person that doesn't comply won't suffer, he/she will carry on as usual and if that person complies it will only be a temporary thing.
Thank you DF :D
Gotta agree on age!
And disagree on black and white, however, I wish I was colourblind sometimes.
Marivanna_the_II: Thank you DF :D
Gotta agree on age!
And disagree on black and white, however, I wish I was colourblind sometimes.
Gotta agree on age!
And disagree on black and white, however, I wish I was colourblind sometimes.
do you mean that you think that people change?
dragonfly88: do you mean that you think that people change?
I've changed!
I used to be really horrible - now I'm slightly less horrible, but yes - I've always been 'cute'!
dragonfly88: do you mean that you think that people change?
I was referring to yes and no.
As for change... debatable. IMHO, people can be same, no change in their core, but the way they express themselves or they dare to express themselves does.
Marivanna_the_II: I was referring to yes and no.
As for change... debatable. IMHO, people can be same, no change in their core, but the way they express themselves or they dare to express themselves does.
As for change... debatable. IMHO, people can be same, no change in their core, but the way they express themselves or they dare to express themselves does.
you are either being as deep as Cuspo or I'm as a dim as a broken lighbulb.
never mind... just ignore me... I'm having a
afternoonok.
my views:
people don't change. the core stays the same, they might decide to appear to be something else in order to please someone, but at the end of the day, they're the same.
one knows, or at least I know the whys, whens and hows... I've made mistakes in the past, basically putting a blindold on my eyes... so what I do now is make sure there are no blindfolds laying around unless they're for playing.
good girls VS bad girls
good guys VS bad guys
oh well
which one?
I'm off to bed...
dragonfly88: I've made mistakes in the past, basically putting a blindfold on my eyes... so what I do now is make sure there are no blindfolds laying around unless they're for playing.
I'm off to bed...
I'm off to bed...
I would be very careful with 'I know it all now' blindfold. No better than any other.
Sleep tight, sweet dreams.
One day I'll have to try blindfold in bed ;D
Marivanna_the_II: I would be very careful with 'I know it all now' blindfold. No better than any other.
Sleep tight, sweet dreams.
One day I'll have to try blindfold in bed ;D
Sleep tight, sweet dreams.
One day I'll have to try blindfold in bed ;D
A blindfold probably goes well with the tantric yoga stuff....as long as you don't take if off and find out that the neighbour's dog is licking your face!
Marivanna_the_II: I would be very careful with 'I know it all now' blindfold. No better than any other.
Sleep tight, sweet dreams.
One day I'll have to try blindfold in bed ;D
Sleep tight, sweet dreams.
One day I'll have to try blindfold in bed ;D
yes....you're right
got to be careful with that one...
have fun with the fun blindfold
Marivanna_the_II: Been wanting to ask this question long time ago.
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
I don't normally answer threads but feel compelled in this instance to pen a few words.
Who suffers the most? No easy answers. Perhaps you could contact the last person you had a relationship with to talk to him. Perhaps too many things were left unsaid.
I'm sure that in most cases there is never a win-win situation, short term, but most definitely lose-lose situations must predominate.
Speaking personally, I truly miss a most fantastic woman with whom I recently had what can only be described as a wonderful and truly differenet relationship. I ask myself daily and nightly whether or not I was right to break off this relationship. Sometimes I think 'Yes' and at other times, 'No', but unlike Dragonfly I never think 'Maybe' nor do I know whether I am thinking with my brain or heart. Perhaps it is when the one takes over from the other that a person expresses him/her-self differently.
I agree that people can only change marginally at best but perhaps that marginal change coupled with a degree of adaptation would suffice to prevent the destruction of a budding, beautiful relationship. Who knows?
Anyway, I am seriously contemplating phonig this exceptional lady. What do you think? Should I or shouldn't I?
barke84: I don't normally answer threads but feel compelled in this instance to pen a few words.
Who suffers the most? No easy answers. Perhaps you could contact the last person you had a relationship with to talk to him. Perhaps too many things were left unsaid.
I'm sure that in most cases there is never a win-win situation, short term, but most definitely lose-lose situations must predominate.
Speaking personally, I truly miss a most fantastic woman with whom I recently had what can only be described as a wonderful and truly differenet relationship. I ask myself daily and nightly whether or not I was right to break off this relationship. Sometimes I think 'Yes' and at other times, 'No', but unlike Dragonfly I never think 'Maybe' nor do I know whether I am thinking with my brain or heart. Perhaps it is when the one takes over from the other that a person expresses him/her-self differently.
I agree that people can only change marginally at best but perhaps that marginal change coupled with a degree of adaptation would suffice to prevent the destruction of a budding, beautiful relationship. Who knows?
Anyway, I am seriously contemplating phonig this exceptional lady. What do you think? Should I or shouldn't I?
Who suffers the most? No easy answers. Perhaps you could contact the last person you had a relationship with to talk to him. Perhaps too many things were left unsaid.
I'm sure that in most cases there is never a win-win situation, short term, but most definitely lose-lose situations must predominate.
Speaking personally, I truly miss a most fantastic woman with whom I recently had what can only be described as a wonderful and truly differenet relationship. I ask myself daily and nightly whether or not I was right to break off this relationship. Sometimes I think 'Yes' and at other times, 'No', but unlike Dragonfly I never think 'Maybe' nor do I know whether I am thinking with my brain or heart. Perhaps it is when the one takes over from the other that a person expresses him/her-self differently.
I agree that people can only change marginally at best but perhaps that marginal change coupled with a degree of adaptation would suffice to prevent the destruction of a budding, beautiful relationship. Who knows?
Anyway, I am seriously contemplating phonig this exceptional lady. What do you think? Should I or shouldn't I?
do! do!
Marivanna_the_II: Been wanting to ask this question long time ago.
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses
I think whether or not we go by our gut feeling or a more (objective) check-list, more often we end up lying to ourselves about prospective loves out of loneliness, boredom, disorientation and sheer desperation for that obscure feeling of longing for something that might bring a small degree of meaning, peace and happiness to our lives to hopefully subside.....
I think both suffer.
For a while now, I've been thinking that separation is wholly unatural to human beings, for spiritual reasons. Trouble is we're usually either desperate? or lost? or something? and we wind up with the wrong person. Or we're just not ready. I have started to believe that even total bas8ards suffer on some level, because total bas8ards are more lost than anyone....
dragonfly88: do! do!
How did you break it off exactly?? Coz if you were a bas8ard about it I would caution:
"Don't! Don't!"....... maybe...... or at least think twice.
I got a message on my answering machine last year from one such guy. Freaked me out so badly, I put on 3kg in a week!!! And No Way did I call him back. I started screening my calls instead, which is something I never do.
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Created: May 2008
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How soon do you know when you want to start or end a relationship? And once you are about in [keep in mind 'in' point is different from one person to another] do you go by your gut feeling or No of ticks on your wish list [not to say 'product comparison']?
I've been in every possible combination of accept-accept, accept-accept after a while, accept-reject, accept-reject after a while, etc. The only win-win is straightforward a-a or r-r, don't you think so?
So here is the question: who suffers more - the party whose partner does not comply or the party that is unable to comply?
This a beautiful sunny Sunday here.
Wish you all enjoy yourselves in whatever activity you are engaged in :D
Hugs and kisses