How would you feel if your partner had a serious mental illness? (60)

My wife had serious Bipolar schizophrenia,she had 7 breakdowns and about 40 ECTs (electro convulsive therapy) in 3 yrs.every time she had a breakdown and for the following yr her whole personality changed and she was a totally different person to the loving wonderful wife I married.how would you react to this?I need help here as I am very confused and there is a 3 yr old involved...

OMG Jason, that is devastating. I really think you need some proper councelling to deal with this, not everyone's 2 cents worth. Bipolar disorder is bad enough without adding in schizophrenia also. You must be exhausted as well as your wife, it is debilitating. You both need so much support. You need to surround yourselves with loving, helping people and you need to find time for everyone involved, your wife, daughter and yourself. Get some professional help for yourself and your daughter to deal with what you are going through too. This does not only affect your wife and I am sure that with the correct way of handling the situation, it will make life a little easier.

thanks ralf but she has counselling and her families involved also,I have custody of my daughter and for her sake I am divorcing my wife...

I still think that you both (you and your daughter) need councelling to help deal with it also. I am sure it will have been quite distressing for you all. Even though you are divorcing, you will still have contact with her and you need to know for yours and your daughters sake how to interact with her to the best of your ability to ensure both your daughter and wife can sustain a loving relationship. At the end of the day, this is not your wife's fault and doing everything you can to make sure your little girl still has a loving mum will make you the greatest dad in her eyes. Get informed, read articles on the net, ask your doctor and utilise local government support systems. The better informed you are the better you will be able to cope. good luck.

My ex doesn't really have or want anything to do with my daughter,she sees her for 2 hrs a week at a supervised contact centre.
Where I walk in one door drop off my daughter and she comes in the other door,I have no contact with my wife.I don't blame her for the illness and know it's not her fault but I just couldn't handle it anymore.
I was SO close to a total nervous breakdown I had no choice but to walk out on her.

Hiya Jason,
Feel for ya mate.
Have worked some with the mentally ill and could only imagine the problems of living with someone that has multiple mental illness (co-morbidity in medical jargon). It makes controlling their condition so much more difficult as drugs will interact differently. If she has had 40 ECT's in 3 years it must be pretty bad.
All I can suggest is to keep up to date with what's happening and make sure your daughter grows up understanding the effect serious mental illness can have on a person and that it's not that her mother doesn't love even though she may never be able to show it in a way that your daughter can understand.
Treatment's are improving all the time and one can but pray that one day they will be able to stabilise her condition. Not just for you and your daughter's sake but also for her own well being.
I have just finished working on a High Dependency Locked Psychiatric Unit so I understand some of the stuff you must have gone through but then I was only there for 40 hours/week not 168 like you so I don't suffer the accumulative effects, plus I could change wards. I think you did quite well sticking it out for so long I know a lot sure as hell wouldn't.

I feel sorry for you both How would I feel? Jason I truly believe unless you have been in that situation or are in, it is impossible to answer.

I don't want to scare you but it's contagious.Been there.

They say it's best to eliminate all stress from that persons life.Also keep family finances away.Most of the time people around that situation feel like they are walking on egg shells.Any move or decision is the wrong one,and gets a disruptive sometimes angry and violent response.
It's good that you know about it though.



Sorry friend.

Hi Jason

I'm sorry you have had to live with someone like that. It can be very tiring, you really never know where you stand with them. My first hubby was bi-polar (although refused to be tested for it) Put it this way, he was a classic at all the symptoms. Mind you all the other Aussie girls I knew who were married to dutch guys were going through the same thing, which is why I came to the conclusion that the dutch race as a whole suffer from bi-polarism. (I know I will get some bites from that comment, but too bad !)

I also have a girlfriend here who is married to a diagnosed bi-polar man, who even with medication is a complete arsehole. She made the mistake recently of having a child, so now things are even harder for her.

Personally, you are better out of the marriage. Counselling is not going to make things better and medications are only temporary fixes. It is a mental condition that never goes away. If you feel you are a strong person and you married for the good and the bad, and sickness and in health stuff, then stick with it and I wish you luck.

But if you are worried for your mental/physical health and that of your daughters then go. Don't feel guilty about it, because there is nothing you can do to change this and you will only end up in an early grave through the stress of the whole business...and that would be of no use or good to your little girl at all.

Save yourself and don't feel guilty.

Good luck with it Jason, I feel for you mate