"Qualities" we want in others.. (27)
waiting4u: I think it does have a lot to do with past experiences with relationships. Its hard to look at a new relationship as a clean slate and not compare the bad things in a past relationship with the new one. I admit I'm guilty of doing that myself. We should go into a new relationship expecting to have the things you listed. I don't think its too much to ask, especially if its a serious one. Those things should be a given.
If they are/should be a given, why do so many constantly talk about them??
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HJFinAZ: So many always emphasize the qualities they want in others. Loyalty, trust, understanding, compassion, honesty, etc.
Why is it necessary for many to emphasize this? Could it be a bad experience from the past? Do they always relate to others as they did with those in their past where they had a bad experience?
Any interesting thoughts/comments??
Why is it necessary for many to emphasize this? Could it be a bad experience from the past? Do they always relate to others as they did with those in their past where they had a bad experience?
Any interesting thoughts/comments??
I look at it as learning from bad experiences....those experiences have told me what I don't want....giving me the ability to see clearly what I do want...I don't think it's comparison so much as it is the ability to know what one wants and what one won't settle for anymore....
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Tulefel: Don’t know whether my thoughts would be interesting… Perhaps people keep stressing this subject, because they think that what’s expected of them. But I consider listing such qualities as boring, and actually needless.
No serious long-term relationship would work if there are no “trust, loyalty, compassion, honesty etc.” plus many other qualities as well that make two people to a couple.
From my point of view, the more you talk about honesty, trust, loyalty etc. in general, the less you know what it would look like in a particular case. Now and then I ask for explanation of these qualitative (i.e. subjective) conceptions (just to ensure myself that we are discussing the same notions). And know what? No luck so far…
No serious long-term relationship would work if there are no “trust, loyalty, compassion, honesty etc.” plus many other qualities as well that make two people to a couple.
From my point of view, the more you talk about honesty, trust, loyalty etc. in general, the less you know what it would look like in a particular case. Now and then I ask for explanation of these qualitative (i.e. subjective) conceptions (just to ensure myself that we are discussing the same notions). And know what? No luck so far…
I call it the "exploration period". Time spent in emails and on the phone find out if 2 people really have the ability to be friends. I have found that many do not, they are way to consumed with fear. That is only my personal experiences in a few cases..
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HJFinAZ: If they are/should be a given, why do so many constantly talk about them??
Don't know the answer to that. But maybe its to make sure we're on the same page with our thoughts and feelings.
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waiting4u: Don't know the answer to that. But maybe its to make sure we're on the same page with our thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts are unique to each & everyone of us, I would not one that always thinks as I think, how would I learn from them?
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are..
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HJFinAZ: Thoughts are unique to each & everyone of us, I would not one that always thinks as I think, how would I learn from them?
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are..
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are..
True.....I have to agree with you on that
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Well… yes, I doubt than too much relationship analyzing would do it any good.
But it would help if the two mean the same when they talk about “honesty, trust, loyalty…” (Not to mention compassion… What kind of a relationship may it be without compassion? It just has to be there…)
So at the end of the day, it comes to a very easy thing – the ability to be reliable without babbling about it.