"Qualities" we want in others.. ( Archived) (27)

I think it does have a lot to do with past experiences with relationships. Its hard to look at a new relationship as a clean slate and not compare the bad things in a past relationship with the new one. I admit I'm guilty of doing that myself. We should go into a new relationship expecting to have the things you listed. I don't think its too much to ask, especially if its a serious one. Those things should be a given.

"We should go into a new relationship expecting to have the things you listed. I don't think its too much to ask, especially if its a serious one. Those things should be a given. "

Personally , I try to go into a new relationship expecting nothing ........ and with open ears and eyes.

In a way I agree with you on that. If we have high expectations that will never be met we'll always end up alone. But I do think the things that he mentioned- loyalty, trust, understanding, compassion, and honesty, should be in any relationship. I don't think its possible to have anything without those. But I do like the idea of going into a relationship with open ears and eyes like you said. I've been pleasantly surprised by doing that myself.

That's a pretty good way to be

Our past experiences can dictate in our minds what we want, to a point of closing out what should be welcome opportunities.

"But I do like the idea of going into a relationship with open ears and eyes like you said. I've been pleasantly surprised by doing that myself. "

That's where I possibly have fallen down in relationships. It takes continuing to keep those ears and eyes open thoughout the relationship - for that loyalty, trust and honesty etc to last.

Don’t know whether my thoughts would be interesting… Perhaps people keep stressing this subject, because they think that what’s expected of them. But I consider listing such qualities as boring, and actually needless.

No serious long-term relationship would work if there are no “trust, loyalty, compassion, honesty etc.” plus many other qualities as well that make two people to a couple.

From my point of view, the more you talk about honesty, trust, loyalty etc. in general, the less you know what it would look like in a particular case. Now and then I ask for explanation of these qualitative (i.e. subjective) conceptions (just to ensure myself that we are discussing the same notions). And know what? No luck so far…

Good Post HJ !
I bet we're gonna finally cure all the world's problems here with realationships - and not need to be on dating sites anymore .......................

"Don’t know whether my thoughts would be interesting…"

Tulefel, Yes, your thoughts are well taken .............. I think what you're saying is that we don't need to over-analyze qualities in a realtionship, and let it happen right ?

I think part of it is also that as we get older we know each other better, and we know our needs better now. Also, having been married before, we know what didn't work for us, and what we need in a partner for it to work. Also, our needs may have changed from when we were younger. I know mine have.

I look less at the outside and more at the inside of a man than I did when I was younger, and I have needs in a partner that have developed as they developed in me. I also know what I need to balance me. For example, I have very little patience, so I need a partner who has more of it, and can even tease me gently about mine (I've found that helps me). I have a very open and curious mind...and I know I need someone who matches that, for I would not last long with someone more narrow-minded and less tolerant than I am. I don't require the rest of the world to be that way, and can deal with that in my friends, even...but my partner would have to match me there.