Writing a song tell me what u think ( Archived) (5)

Me and a friend decided to write a song any other song writers out there.
had every thing i ever wanted but that never seemed enough for you and the more i was tryin hold on the more i was slipin.
Wont you come save me Wont you come hold me. Oh now ur gone. whos gonna save me
Wont you Give me one more chance to wipe away your tears to hold close when ur feelin down let u fly when ur feet wont touch the ground. wont u come save me. wont u come hold me. Oh just hold me and never let me go. Got any advice

I am a songwriter. I took a songwriting course at the college I go to. I read your song and I think it needs work. Is it a verse chorus verse song? Verse verse verse? You have a good start though. Good luck!

had every thing i ever wanted but that never seemed enough for you.
the more i tryed hold on to her the more she was slipin away.
funny the things before your eyes are the last things you see.
funny i thought i knew just what to say to make you see but a single word couldnt make you stay thats why im

on my knees askin baby please
Wont you come hold me.
wont come take back.
Oh now ur gone how do i go on

so many memories of you and me that wont let me sleep
when it was all said and done i ended up the lonely one got no one to blame and the one hanging my head in shame thats why im

on my knees asking you baby pleae oh please
wont you come hold me
wont you come take me back
oh now your gone how do i go on

whos gonna save me
Wont you Give me one more chance to wipe away your tears.
to hold close when ur feelin down.
let u fly when ur feet wont touch the ground.
wont u come save me. wont u come hold me. Oh just hold me .
what do you guys think now any better