Can I please have your attention!
Thankyou
If you didn't know it by now you have died
I know some of you don't like that term
How about passed on
You are probably wondering where you are now
You are not in heaven
You are not in hell either
You are in heck
I know you are all disappointed
You should be happy you are at least not in hell
When you can bake cookies without an oven
It is not a good thing, let me tell you
It is about 85 degrees farenheit in here
That's 29 degrees celcius for people living outside the United States
You will all be required to work a job you dislike
For most of you this will not be that big of a transition
You will be required to live in apartments
There just isn't room enough for the luxery of houses here
You will be allowed to date
But you will be stuck with someone you despise
You will also be requred to spend time with their family
Transportation will be by bus only
There will be at least one kid screaming at all times
And noone will be freshly showered
Vacations are allowed
But you must go to boring places like Kansas or Iowa
Food is allowed
But only healthy food
None of that pizza, lobster, filet mignon they serve up in heaven
Be happy you don't live in hell
You don't even want to know what is for desert