by SemsuSt.Johns, Saint John, Antigua and Barbuda
Jan 2015 987 Views 8 comments
Dark moments in my Daughters life.
You came as a gift from Heaven,
I felt it that day as it revel;
you was all my Love in that moment,
not knowing the hardship of omen.
I knew,that you was the part of me,
but the life in shadow I could not see,
I wanted to be as Father the best,
but it turned out to be more than a test.
Your Fate was not what I had want,
the hardship you faced was evil as sort,
what ever big Love I had in my Heart,
could never safe you from that part.
The Mother I chose for you,
did never had the Heart of true,
the cruel and dark she had in mind,
she made as a crime,but still could hide.
I left the family for something new,
but naive as I was I had no clue,
that all my Love as Father,
your Mother turned to monster rather.
Four years old,so full of life and light,
you was the Busy Bee in it's hight,
but evil never work with sense,
so all your life turn into vain hence.
Your Mother split your life from me,
to do what ever bad she could as fee,
two years all contact was forbidden,
she cut your wings and made me a sinner.
All what she did to you in hate,
make me to bleed in all my Fate,
it's always as a needle in my Soul,
and never can it heal in whole.
Your Mother kick you round the floor,
your head was bleeding and safe not more,
when evil mind of her enough had got,
the conscious in your little Body was there not.
She left you there with no remorse,
was moral her of evil sours,
when conscious yours got back to light,
you hide in the closet for the rest of night.
You had to clean the blood your self,
Your Mother had no Heart to help,
she ordered also you to lie,
that down from chair you fell as fail.
The damage is there for life,
in body and in Soul so tight,
so many times your faith has dive,
but part of me you always climbing back to life.
I helped you to build wings new,
to give some better chance for you,
and as a Mother you are now,
your Heart is true to know how.
What ever old you are to be,
my Daughter little still I see,
but also friend you are of mine,
and there are never anything to hide.
I felt it that day as it revel;
you was all my Love in that moment,
not knowing the hardship of omen.
I knew,that you was the part of me,
but the life in shadow I could not see,
I wanted to be as Father the best,
but it turned out to be more than a test.
Your Fate was not what I had want,
the hardship you faced was evil as sort,
what ever big Love I had in my Heart,
could never safe you from that part.
The Mother I chose for you,
did never had the Heart of true,
the cruel and dark she had in mind,
she made as a crime,but still could hide.
I left the family for something new,
but naive as I was I had no clue,
that all my Love as Father,
your Mother turned to monster rather.
Four years old,so full of life and light,
you was the Busy Bee in it's hight,
but evil never work with sense,
so all your life turn into vain hence.
Your Mother split your life from me,
to do what ever bad she could as fee,
two years all contact was forbidden,
she cut your wings and made me a sinner.
All what she did to you in hate,
make me to bleed in all my Fate,
it's always as a needle in my Soul,
and never can it heal in whole.
Your Mother kick you round the floor,
your head was bleeding and safe not more,
when evil mind of her enough had got,
the conscious in your little Body was there not.
She left you there with no remorse,
was moral her of evil sours,
when conscious yours got back to light,
you hide in the closet for the rest of night.
You had to clean the blood your self,
Your Mother had no Heart to help,
she ordered also you to lie,
that down from chair you fell as fail.
The damage is there for life,
in body and in Soul so tight,
so many times your faith has dive,
but part of me you always climbing back to life.
I helped you to build wings new,
to give some better chance for you,
and as a Mother you are now,
your Heart is true to know how.
What ever old you are to be,
my Daughter little still I see,
but also friend you are of mine,
and there are never anything to hide.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2015
About this poem:
To start with the first truth,this Poem was very hard to do,I cry and write,cry and write again and again,the feelings of the memories came out from the shadow.Her Mother did not want children at all,what I could not understand,because I wonted so many of them and I was believing,that as a Mother she is sure going to Love her children,but I was badly wrong.
We was over all to far from each other in to many things and then I left the family for my two Sons Mother.
My Love for my Daughter was very deep and her Mother was very jealous about it and told to my Daughter that she was the reason to our divorce.
She told my Mother,that she is going to do everything she can to destroy my life.
Before that she met with my new Love and they made a deal,that if I take care of her needs,then she give my Daughter to us.
When I heard it ,I could not accept that other people make a deal about how to use me and I did refuse. I have think about it many time later and that I should had accept to be used,then I could had safe my Daughter from the horrible things that was done to her.
Later my Daughter was taken with Ambulance two times unconscious to the Hospital,but nobody still checked what was the real reason.....I never knew what had happen,but if I had heard about it,I had for sure not believed in any accident.
My Daughter got finally courage enough to brake her self out from the jail she had live in from 4 years old on the Fathers day,when she was 15,she came to me and refused to go back to the Mother.
From 4 years old,she had to wash her own cloth,make food,take care of all her own things and also wash the floor of whole the apartment on knees in an old way,she kept her as an made or in fact more as like a Slave.
About 20 years ago,she got a stroke in the Brain where she had got the damage when the Mother kick her around the room. The Doctor was thinking she hardly going to survive,but I think she is of hardwood as I am and she survived.
She still has to take Aspirin every day to keep the blood thin and a shadow is of course hanging over her.
After she moved to live with me,she still had hardship with her self,she was not sure who she was,because the Mother had destroyed almost all her own will.
She start to drink in secret and when I realized it,she was already alcoholic.
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Comments (8)
tank's,I can feel your ggod Heart.
Rolf
tanks for your touching words.....her Mothers Brother was out hunting with 3 of his friends and of some reason he kill his friends an him self.....also he was married and had 2 Daughter and when he was drinking in the weekend at home,he closed his wife and the Daughters into the kitchen,sometimes for 2-3 days....he shut hes big Danish Dog in the head,in their living room.
Perhaps this is telling why his sister did what she did to my Daughter and what I told here is still not all the brutality she was doing to My Daughter,there could be a long list,but this what is here was the worst one.
Rolf
Tank's,I know that you then understand.....it looks like the Fathers Love are so often under valued and Mothers Love in to many cases over valued,that's why things like what happen to my Daughter, could over all happen.
We men are humans too,we can have deep feelings,we can love our children more than anything else and we can sacrifice our life for them and as I has said,that if somebody tell me,that one of my children or my self has to die,it is very clear that I am the one to take the death sentence.
In my secon divorce I got my two Sons and I lived with them alone for over 3 years,with no help from anyone...the Bois was 1 year and tthe other 5 when we start together....I had a very big house with an inside pool, I took care of all in the house by my self....I had never done any food,never wash anything,I start everything like from Zero.....I had the Boys with me to every place where I went and as I had my own Company,I had them with me to the office and to what ever meetings.....my Mother ask me,why I don't take somebody to take care of the home and the children,when I had money enough....My answer to her was,that I had heard so many times from women,about how bad it is to be at home,so I wanted to know if it is the true or not.
That time was very hard,but I could give what ever time in my life away,but never that time together with my Sons,it really gloed us together.
Rolf
tanks for your long and feelings filled comment.
I send the poem to my Daughter,before I put it in here and she call me to day and she told me,that she had cried a lot when she read it.
She let her Son also read it and he had said,that he did not understan earlier how horrible his Grandmother had been,even her Mother had told him about it earlier.
Rolf