Choose between a traditional marriage (death do you part) or a five year renewable contract. (68)

Okay, Lucy. I think I (sorta) see what you mean.

Can you imagine being with someone you love but they don't love you, and being content with that - not to mention feeling sad? True, maybe you could get along with someone who understands you better (and maybe gets along with you better) than someone who loves you, and maybe that might even be arguably preferable...but why would you settle for those two choices?

I think that would be a "sad" decision, myself. Find the man/woman who both loves and understands you. And in my opinion, love based on a lack of understanding probably isn't love at all - at least not of the actual person. I mean that if you love somebody without understanding them to a significant degree (allowing for the fact that we always have trouble understanding some aspects of our partner or anyone else for that matter), you are not loving that person, but rather an image/idea you have of that person.

And this from a guy trying to cling to a ghost!

nope, i guess i wouldn't settle for a relationship without love...

but...

i could settle for love without the relationship




i don't know if you need to understand a person to love her/him

love is an emotion while understanding relates to logic...

they can exist separately

love without understanding is not "smaller" or less intense, the emotion is the same

it is a relationship that requires both

Well, it's like saying you don't need to know someone in order to love them...a certain paradox there, no?

Let's say you don't know/understand someone but love them. What are you loving about them? How would you distinguish between loving "them" and an "idea of them"?

hi ambrose,

no, it is not a paradox for me...

i don't need to know/understand a person to love them...

Romeo didn't know Juliet either...

i don't love "anything in particular about" them...

i love (and accept) the person

then knowing/understanding them, can make me appriciate his traits...

or, on the contrary, not appriciate some of them grin:

but it won't affect my love for them

i guess the kind of love i speak about is something different from searching for the right/compatible person..

as i don't want to be loved because of some of my traits...

nor i want to be compatible with the person i love...

i don't need to..

being compatible, having similar interests is something i look for in my friends

i may be influenced by my parents, though

they are two completely different individuals, with very distant interests..

my mom is a sophisticated, city lady that i have never seen without her perfect make-up or dressed casual...

my dad couldn't care less about how he looks..

he loves camping..

my mom thinks that platfomrs (shoes) are sneakers,

and it is funny to see her camping and sitting in the middle of the woods so unfit in the environment

but she has always camped with my dad and he has always searched a comfortable stool for her in the "jungle" to let her have her make-up done...

in 50 years of the marriage, i have never heard them talking about their relationship..

though they would argue about him being late or her leaving the lights swithed on in a room..

none of them changed the way they are..

they are not compatible in the usual sense of this word..

and they would probably never be together of one of them was searching for the right/compatbile person...

The same thing happened when I originally asked the question.

I am not certain if this is ok, but I would like to put in my two cents.

I think that respect, honor, trust, and faith are key components in any relationship. Requiring a contract implies a lack of one or more of the above. If you ask an attorney a contract is only as good as the intent and honor of the participants

In more personal relationships we also have to be able to give a large part of ourselves. We do so because we have faith in the person and the relationship.

Love is a merging of two souls. Gibran said (paraphrase) that love is drinking the same wine, but not from the same cup).

I believe elationships fail because of a lack of honor and /or a lack of respect. Intimate relationships fail because one or more of the partners does not want to or cannot hear the other (I don't know a better way to put that.

I believe that none of this can be quantified, therefore I do not believe in the contract.