mikeglesga Forum Posts (28)

RE: THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY?

???

RE: never leave your computer alone

War of the worlds

RE: Hush money

RE: Cheap Flights

Loved it,forwarded it onto my facebook. Cheap flights cheap flights, swing your pants sunny

Art school

Teacher says to her kinder garden kids that she wanted everyone to paint or draw something from the bible.After a hour the kids had all finished their drawings and paintings apart from one little girl named mary.

teacher:
Mary can you bring your painting down and let all the class see what work of art you have painted from the bible?

The teacher looked at marys painting and was a bit confused why mary had painted a 747 jumbo jet so asked mary for where in the bible does it mention a 747 jumbo jet?

Mary:
Well miss jesus left us for a short break,he jumped on a 747 jumbo jet and flew high up in the sky with all his family and friends.Look miss,theres mary his mother siting at the back,thats joseph in the middle with david,thats paul and the rest of his friends at the front.

Teacher:
Thats very good mary,and i suppose you will be telling me thats god the holy father at the very front flying the plane?

Mary:
No miss, thats pontius the pilate.

RE: Last person to view you

If its a bird called Kseni stay well clear bud.SCAMMER

TELEPHONE MADNESS.

Guy trys to call his girlfriend from a pay telephone but has trouble geting connected so dials the operator.

guy:
Hello is that the operator?!!!!
operator:
Yes sir can i help you?
guy:
I bloody well hope so!!!
operator:
Theres no need to swear sir.
Guy:
Who the bloody hells swearing,you don`t want me to start,you wont like it if you get me bloody well started?!!! see you`s people you make me bloody sick so you`s do,hanging`s to good for you people!!!!!!
operator:
Sir camb down and tell me what the problem is?
Guy:
Im trying to phone that daft girlfriend of mines,pressing all these daft buttons shouting down the phone, can you hear me,can you hear me,and bloody nothing,not a wisper from her.Im loseing the bloody plot here,im going to go bloody mad here!!!!
operator:
Ok sir lets try to sort out this problem together.Can you tell me if theres money in the box?
Guy:
No im in here myself.

RE: Church Ladies With typewriters?

RE: TOLIO.

THE TWINS

What did the spanish fireman name his new born twins?


HOSE A/HOSE B


Keep it simples peps

RE: Strange Email From Somebody On CS

I got the same e-mail,he`s a she.Why do they always come from the U.S.A They seem to not read us guys profiles,they just seem to send them out to anyone.If they read mine they would see that i live in Scotland

RE: Underneath they're all lovable

Is anybody up?

RE: value of the #2 pencil

Who`s pete?

A guy go`s into a bar and asks the barman if pete`s been in tonight?

Barman:
Pete,pete who?

guy:
pete Adams,Peter Adams,he drinks in here every night this is his local pub.His wifes names Tracy,Tracy Adams.

Barman:

No can`t say any of those names rings a bell.Can you describe him to me?

Guy:

He`s got only the one leg,and the one arm.Hes got a goaty beard, one eye and a patch over the other eye socket.Oh oh!! and he only drinks black russians,him being from russia.Oh oh!!He was in a fight last weekend in here and he put six guys in hospital.

Barman:

No still can`t think who your talking about.

Guy:

Oh oh!! i forgot to mention that hes got red hair.

Barman:

OOOOOOH you meen ginger,ye he was in here last night.

RE: I_LOVE_MY_JOB - I cried laughing?

Have you had a look at the obama joke yet?Its jokes like his that i justdont get. <CIA will be onto him now

RE: I_LOVE_MY_JOB - I cried laughing?

I was going to have fish fingers for my dinner tonight aswell.you`ve just put me right off them

RE: Mr Obama

Ring ring ring ring pick up the phone Ali110 ring ring ring ring pick up man ring ring ring ring come on ring ring ring ring pick up Ali come on!! ring ring ring ring

No hes not in i think hes gone.

YES IN THE BLOODY HEAD!!!

Lions first night at comedy club.

A lion and a hyena walk into a comedy club and the barman says:so is it a double act you will be doing tonight?

Lion replys:

No just myself,the hyena will be in the audience for moral support.He laughs at all my jokes

keep it simples folks

RE: Just for laugh

Very funny Lavina liked the comedy clips

Do you not think that Walter looks like tomcat from Finland?

Sorry tomcat for sticking the boot inbut you kicked me first

Elephant walks into a bar

The best thing to come out of England is the road to Scotland(scotland with one T)But is`nt the royal family german,you`s fin`s just love the germans i hear?

Elephant walks into a bar

This is hard work with you tomcat,its a simples joke that will probably keep me awake to night now.Ask your friends what a trunk call is

Oh oh,by the way Scottish has 2 T`s and it`s not in England.Thats the best joke i`ve heard so far.

A giraffe walks into a bar

A giraffe walks into a bar and says to the barman:

What happened to your mind your head sign above the door?

keep thems simples

Elephant walks into a bar

Hold on tomcat i will phone the elephant and ask him

You have never heard of making a trunk call in Finland?

I will need to put this one to my nation and see if they know what a trunk call is?

Elephant walks into a bar

Elephant walks into a bar and asks the barman if he could use his telephone?

The barman asks if its a long distance call?

The elephant replys:

No its just a quick trunk call.


im trying to keep them simples for you

Who said the Irish are lazy??

Pat and Mick put a price in for a new underground tunnel in new york thats to run under the hudson river.The contracts manager phones Pat to ask him if the price he tenderd for the job was correct.

Ring ring ring ring!

Pat:

Hello.

Contracts manager:

Hello pat it`s about the price you tenderd for the tunnel job.Are you sure you`ve got this right,$275? when every other contracter have put tenders in for $350.000.000 and more?

Pat:

Yes thats correct sir $137.5 for myself and $137.5 for Mick.
Mick will start to dig at one end with a shuvel and pick and i will start at the other end with a shuvel and pick sir.

contracts manager:

But what happens if you both miss each other in the middle pat?

pat:

Well sir you will have two tunnels when you only paid for the one.

Guy gos to the doctors.

Guy:

Doc i think im a moth

Doctor:

A moth you say?

Guy:

Yes doc you heard me right,a moth i tell you a fricking moth!!

doctor:

It`s not me you should be talking to it`s a fricking psychiatrist!!

Guy:

I know doc,i was on my way to see one and i looked up and saw your light was on.

RE: THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A "DUBLIN" GIRL

I take it Sunday dinner is off at yours then?

RE: CATHOLIC COFFEE MORNING IN ROME