velsix Forum Posts (489)

Lost Ball

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.


"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

I've just had a bit of a shock---

Rohaan, I've still 'Got A Lot Of Living To Do'

Felixis, Just call me 'Old Shep'....

Venusenvy, Although I feel like 'I'm Gonna Sit Right Down And Cry' and as 'I Need Somebody To Lean On', though unfortunately 'She's Not You' but 'My Wish Came True' and I hope, this time, it's not going to be 'One-Sided Love Affair'

Dadude, Nah!! 'Easy come, Easy Go', now 'There's A Brand New Day On The Horizon' for me.

RE: How old is your profile?

66 Years 2 months and yes I do make the odd change now and again, you're asking ME to remember things as well

RE: Tell a true but short story poeple wont believe

Used to live in Maida Vale, London, Elgin Avenue around 1968/9. I had a top floor flat and one morning, I happened to look out of the landing window and there, parked in the street, were two big black limos. What I didn't know was that John, George, Paul, Ringo and Cilla had been visiting the Lady that owned the house. She used to 'Produce' or had something to do with 'Ready, Steady, Go', if anyone remembers that Pop show?
I now wish I had gone downstairs and maybe would have met them all.

Just want to share a beautiful piece of music that I can't get out of my head....

I could listen to this all day, wonderful music. Thank you for sharing this.

Just want to share a beautiful piece of music that I can't get out of my head....

You shut your eyes and the pictures this music paints are breathtaking.

Just want to share a beautiful piece of music that I can't get out of my head....

I am not a scholar of classical music as such but I love anything like this, there is something about most of the classics that fills one with so much emotion and this is one of those pieces.

Just want to share a beautiful piece of music that I can't get out of my head....

Apart from reminding me of the 'Old Spice' advert of years ago, I also relate it to 'impending doom and mass destruction', I know that's somewhat morbid but it is a very emotive piece.
You say you woke up with it in your head, maybe your senses are in tune with the Earth, if you can understand my thinking.
Glad you enjoyed my piece.

Just want to share a beautiful piece of music that I can't get out of my head....

I've just had a bit of a shock---

Ah well, can't win them all. Never mind one day my ship may come in, my luck it'll be the 'Titanic'.

I've just had a bit of a shock---

I love the thunder and lightening to be honest but here it has been a terrible summer so far, never mind things are looking up.....
As for the video and its message; Lovely thought!!!

I've just had a bit of a shock---

Thank you so much, it's been a long time coming and you never know.

I've just had a bit of a shock---

I've just had a bit of a shock---

I've just had a bit of a shock---

I've just had a bit of a shock---

I think 'Your The Devil In Disguise'........

'Baby Let Me Be Your Lovin '

A discovery.................

I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar----
I guess there's life on mars------

I've just had a bit of a shock---

While I was out my Girlfriend donated all my Elvis records to a charity shop----
I'm all shook up------

Sorry but you've got to laugh..................?

RE: Short Jokes

Son; 'Dad the kids in school keep making fun of me because I don't know what 'hand me downs' mean------
Dad replied---'son I was once in your shoes'----

Blonde Joke

A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man pauses to think, and says,

"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Whoops!!

RE: Short Jokes

A blonde in a supermarket standing crying in the orange juice aisle. When asked what was wrong, she answered "the juice says concentrate - and I can't..."

RE: What's the best name for your cat? And not be ashamed when you tell your friends his name :)

RE: What's the best name for your cat? And not be ashamed when you tell your friends his name :)

I had a 'Lurcher', called him 'Compo' as he was 'non-compos-mentus' in other words a 'nut case'.

RE: What's the best name for your cat? And not be ashamed when you tell your friends his name :)

I had a ginger tom cat called 'Tigger' when I lived in Kensel Rise, if you know where that is you'll understand why I never used to call him to come in......

RE: Date someone, older or younger?

I had to vote 'younger' as 'older' would mean I'd be spending the rest of my life playing 'bingo'!!!

RE: Do You "Pay It Forward"

If you've never seen this film then you will never understand Whitedoves thread;








It's a beautiful film bearing a beautiful message.

RE: Retirement Age

It maybe no big deal, thinking that, to someone still in their 20s/30s but your health can go down hill very rapidly as you reach 50/60, believe me. How many times have you had to drive behind some 'old' person doing 35/40 mph and moaning about them or having to crawl behind some 'old' person along a busy street? We can't help 'getting old' you know and if you're lucky, you'll get to our age too and then you may be grateful to be able to stay in bed as long as you like, even go to bed when you like
But consider this, many people of 65/66 years of age have worked for 50 years or so, paid towards their pensions evey week, it's not their fault the cost of living today is such that the State is finding it difficult to provide them with a living pension so they have to rely on additional benifits.
While this idea of working until one is in their late 60s/70s may seem a solution to ease the financial strain on the governments purse, it is denying work for the younger generation leaving school etc and they will then be claiming benifits having never paid a penny towards them so where will that money come from?
Maybe compulsory euthanasia, at say, 60 would be acceptable!! Is this going to be the next suggestion?

RE: Short Jokes

Oh dear, my local head librarian died today. we had a minutes noise for her!!!!!!!!!!!!

RE: You are chased by a mob of zombies and have time to rush into one store. Which one do you chose?

From the pictures of 'Wal-Mart' customers that I have received via email, I should think going into that store would make any Zombie turn tail and leave you alone..........JMHO

RE: Favourite Male Singer