Joking and kidding are good in their place, but when someone posts a serious thread and gets inadvertantly called a liar - that is where I draw the line. I did not come here to have my intergrity insulted, or questioned. You all go play in your fantasy world and have fun. I am leaving.
Thanks Sheila for the early morning laugh. And here I thought I was the funny one around here. I could never worship any women. I always had problems bending my knees to kneel.
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The first young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone I have a microchip in my hand."
The older woman felt very low tech. However not to be outdone; she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said.... "Well, will you look at that... I'm getting a fax!"
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs.. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan
This is my life motto - I have always tried to live by it and have always fallen short of it
I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow-creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Yeah overseas they train and teach much differently than they do here. A lot of emphasis is on spirituality. For instance, the best fighters learn how to HEAL the body BEFORE they learn how to rip it apart.
how many country 'n western singers does it take to change a lightbulb? seven, one to change it, and six to sing about how much they miss the old one...
Trillian is good. It hosts all your IM's in one spot. Like msn, yahoo, aol, icq ect - I did not like it cause I like using my webcam. Other than that it is ok.
I would go back to June 3, 1993 and yank that shotgun right out of my little brothers hands so he would not kill himself with it. Then I would tie him to a chair and tell him how bad he broke our mothers heart with his selfish act of stupidity.
Two little old ladies are walking along the beach when they come to a man completely buried in the sand, except for his erect member, which was getting some sun.
The two grannies stop, shocked, and stare.
Agnes is the first to break the silence. "When I was six," she says, "I wasn't aware of them."
"When I was sixteen, I was afraid of them."
When I was twenty-six, I experimented with them.
When I was thirty-six, I enjoyed them.
When I was forty-six, I chased them.
When I was fifty-six, I begged for them.
When I was sixty-six, I remembered them.
And here I am now, seventy-six, and the damn things are growing wild on the beach!
You have an excellent point here - tho I could discuss this more in depth with you all night. However, I perfer to be ea jokster than for people to think I might have a brain. I mean it would ruin my reputation
Some people do not NEED anything hun. I am one of those people. I do not NEED anything, but what I WANT now that is a whole different matter. Could be this guy feels the same way.
That person might have just came out of a dysfunctional relationship where she might have been the one who had to assume the role of both the wife and the husband at the same time. Or maybe they were a people pleaser that got hurt and woke up.
Maybe at one time they needed to be needed due to low self esteem. It happens
I've had 2. One is alive and the other died in my arms many years ago. The one that is alive though, she may be my ex - but I would give my life for her in a split second and not even give it a second thought. I am still waiting on love #3.
I am a Certified Member of the Amber Alert Team in my community. Whenever someone tries to kidnap a child, I get called in to try and help find it. Does that count?
themanbd1 Forum Posts (183)
or am I?
wtg adrean
I'm Outta Here
Joking and kidding are good in their place, but when someone posts a serious thread and gets inadvertantly called a liar - that is where I draw the line. I did not come here to have my intergrity insulted, or questioned. You all go play in your fantasy world and have fun. I am leaving.