kylep Poetry (5)

WE set there holding hands over the all to familiar first date dinner. As I try to find something in you that sparks my interest, and captures my attention. And yet you just want to get dinner over with, so you can proceed to spin your web of deception! A web that catches me ad clings to me, as you attempt to saduce me. But you forget that i dont want to know your body, and question me on my actions of not taking action. Action that most guys in my situation would leap on. And yet again i remind you that its not your body i want to get know. I want to get to know every square inch of your beautiful MIND! That is in fact what i am after. And id like to search every orfice,every crevace of you wonderfull mind. Tell me what makes you happy, explain in great details what makes you sad. Leave not page unturned in this captivating novel called YOUR THOUGHTS. Tell me how you dont think you can keep a relationship long enough to be somebodys wife. And i will relenquish every fear that roams through my brain. Ill tell you about the first time i saw you, and how when you looked at me and smilled, all my fears and doubts no longer exsisted. So how about we go for a walk, and just talk?

I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name. and shit- I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there and shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
And check this-
I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love and (I want her to distract me from whatever I'm doing type love)
and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love
and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
The only difference is this is one of those real type loves
I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again
I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain’t really anniversaries but doing it just ‘cause it makes her happy type love
and I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number's dial into it then talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer ‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love you as long as I’d like to type love
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair...
Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I’d cut the split ends and trim the mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.
I kind of feel comfortable now so I can tell you this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love.

I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is

Love? Love you say? You love me? Are you sure you love me? Or is it the thought of me that brings this four letter word to flow from your lips? Do you love me for me? Or is it the clothes i wear, or the way i do my hair? Is it for my personality? or is it just a lie to youself and I? A lie that makes you feel like your not just another HEARTLESS barbie that you present yourself as. Or as others descirbe you as! Oh she's so pretty, she's this she's that!" BULLSHIT. you are empty inside. And you use me to make yourself feel and look better. But im done being your puppet, I'm done with you treating me like a dog, giving me three words for a treat."I love you"!!! I am not your dog, and i wont let you use me. So i ask you this question again. Do you really love me? Or are you in love with the thought of me?

I changed my entire life for you, and you treat me like shit! I bend over backwards for you, becoming so flexible just to be able to spend fifteen minutes of my day with you. And you do nothing to spend a little time with me. I dont want to force this relationship on you i said. And looking at me with thos sinsiter eyes she exclaims that everything will be ok, we are going to make it. And yet you invite me over to your house to find you in the arms of another?

You string me along, feeding me lie after lie. Telling me I'm different than most guys, and that i dont have the same mindset as most guys. You tell me that I'm amazing, and how much you cant wait to see me agian. If I'm so amazing...so different, then why is it when i drive four hours just to see you.... that HE answers the door?