I was reading one memoir of a poet. His father had died, and the dead body was put in a coffin. The poet, the son, was weeping, crying, and then suddenly he kissed the forehead of his father's dead body and said, "There, now that you are dead, I can do this. I always wanted to kiss you on your forehead, but while you were alive it was impossible. I was so afraid of you."
You can kiss only a dead father - and even if the alive father allows you to kiss, the kiss is going to be false; it cannot be spontaneous. A young boy cannot even kiss his mother spontaneously because always the fear of sex is there; the bodies must not come too closely in contact, even with the mother. Everything becomes false. There is fear and falsity - no freedom, no spontaneousness, and the real center can function only when you are spontaneous and free.
Now you will be able to understand what is my attitude towards this question: "IN WHICH WAY CAN THE PRACTICE OF SELF-REMEMBERING TRANSFORM THE HUMAN MIND?" It will reground you; it will give you again roots into your own center. By self-remembering, you are forgetting everything other than yourself: the society, the mad world around you, the family, the relationships, everything, you are forgetting. You are simply remembering that you are.
This remembrance is not given by the society to you. This self-remembrance will detach you from all that is peripheral. And if you can remember, you will fall back to your own being, to your own center. The ego will be there just on the periphery, but you will be able to see it now. Like any other object, you will be able to observe it. And once you become capable of observing your ego, your false center, you will never be false again.
You may need your false center because you have to live in a society which is false. You will be able to use it now, but you will never be identified with it. It will be instrumental now. You will live on your center, in your center. You will be able to use the false as a social convenience, a convention, but you will not be identified with it. Now you know you can be spontaneous, free. Self-remembering transforms you because it gives you the opportunity to be yourself again - and to be oneself is the ultimate and to be oneself is the absolute.
The peak of all the possibilities, of all the potentialities, is the divine - or whatsoever you want to call it. God is not somewhere in the past; he is your future. You have heard it said again and again that God is the father. More significantly, he is going to be your son, not the father, because he is going to evolve out of you. So I say, "God the son," because the father is in the past and the son is in the future.
You can become divine, God can be born out of you; if you are authentically yourself, you have taken the basic step. You are going towards divinity, towards total freedom. As a slave you cannot move to that. As a slave, as a false person, there is no path leading towards the divine, to the ultimate possibility, the ultimate flowering of your being. First you must be centered in yourself. Self- remembering helps and only self-remembering helps; nothing else can transform you. With the false center there is no growth - only accumulation - and remember the distinction between accumulation and growth. With the false center you can accumulate: you can accumulate wealth, you can accumulate knowledge, you can accumulate anything, without any growth. Growth happens only to the real center. Growth is not an accumulation; you are not burdened by growth. Accumulation is a burden.
I am reminded of a man who married eight women in his life. He married one woman, then divorced her, then married another - very cautiously, very carefully, very carefully, in order not to fall into the old trap again. In every way he calculated, and he was thinking that this new woman was going to be totally different than the first one. But within a few days, with the honeymoon not yet even over, the new woman started to prove herself to be just the same as the old one, the first one. Within six months the marriage was shattered again. He married a third woman and now he was still more cautious, but again the same thing happened.
He married eight women, and every time the woman turned out to be the same as the old one. What was happening? And he was choosing very cautiously now, very carefully. What was happening?
The chooser was unconscious. He couldn't change the chooser, and the chooser was always the same so the choice was going to be the same. And the chooser works unconsciously.
You go on doing this and that, and you go on changing outward things, but you remain the same. You remain off-center. Whatsoever you do, howsoever it is apparently different, it ultimately proves to be the same. The results are always the same; the outcome is always the same; the consequence is always the same.
Whenever you feel you are choosing and you are free, then too you are not free and you are not choosing. The choice is also a mechanical thing. Scientists say, biologists particularly, that the mind becomes imprinted, and that happens very early. The first two or three years are the years for imprinting, and things become fixed in the mind. Then you go on doing the same; you go on repeating in a mechanical way. You are moving in a vicious circle.
The child is forced to be off-center. He has to be disciplined; he has to learn obedience. That is why we give so much value to obedience. And obedience destroys everyone, because obedience means now you are not the center: the other is the center; you are just to follow him.
Education is a necessity in order to survive, but we make this necessity to survive an excuse for submitting. We force everyone to be obedient. What does it mean? Obedient to whom? Always someone else - the father, the mother, someone else is there, and you have to be obedient to him.
Why so much insistence for obedience? Because your father was forced to be obedient when he was a child; your mother was forced to be obedient when she was a child. They were forced off their centers; now they are doing the same. They are doing the same with their children, and these children will do the same again. This is how the vicious circle moves on.
Freedom is killed, and with freedom you lose your center. Not that the center is destroyed; it cannot be destroyed while you are alive. It would be good if it was destroyed; you would be more at ease with yourself. If you were totally false and there was no real center hidden within you, you would be at ease. There would be no conflict, no anxiety, no struggle.
The conflict comes into existence because the real remains there. It remains in the center, and just on the periphery an unreal center is created. Between these two centers a constant struggle, a constant anxiety, tension, is created. This must be transformed, and there is only one way: the false must disappear and the real must be given its place. You must be regrounded into your center, into your being; otherwise you will be in anguish.
The false can disappear. The real cannot disappear unless you die. While you are alive the real will be there. The society can do only one thing: it can push it deep down and it can create a barrier so that even you become unconscious of it. Can you remember any moment in your life when you were spontaneous, when you just lived in the moment - when you were living yourself and you were not following someone else?
Man is not centered in himself. He is born centered, but the society, the family, the education, the culture, they push him off-center, and they put him off-center in a very cunning way, knowingly or unknowingly. So everyone becomes, in a sense, "eccentric" - off the center. There are reasons, survival reasons for it.
When a child is born he has to be forced into a certain discipline. He cannot be allowed freedom. If he is allowed total freedom, he will remain with the center - spontaneous, living with himself, living himself. He will be original as he is. He will be authentic, and then there will be no need to practice any self-remembering. There will be no need to practice any meditation because he will never go off the center. He will remain with himself - centered, rooted, grounded in his own being. But this has not yet been possible. Meditation is, therefore, medicinal. The society creates the disease, and then the disease has to be treated.
Religion is medicinal. If really a human society based in freedom can be evolved, there would be no need of religion. Because we are ill medicine is needed, and because we are off-center methods of centering are needed. If someday it becomes possible on earth to create a healthy society, healthy in the inner sense, there will be no religion. But it seems difficult to create such a society.
The child has to be disciplined. What are you doing when you are disciplining a child? You are forcing something which is not natural to him. You are asking and demanding something which he will never do spontaneously. You will punish him, you will appreciate, you will bribe him, you will do everything to make him social - to take him away from his natural being. You will create a new center in his mind which was never there, and this center will grow and the natural center will go into oblivion, into the unconscious.
Your natural center has moved into the unconscious, into the dark, and your unnatural center has become your conscious. There is really no division between unconscious and conscious; the division is created. You are one consciousness. This division comes because your own center has been forced to some dark corner. Even you are not in contact with it; you are not allowed to be in contact with it. You yourself have become unconscious that you have a center. You live what the society, the culture, the family have taught you to live.
You live a false life. For this false life a false center is needed. That center is your ego, your conscious mind. That is why, no matter what you do, you will never be blissful - because only the real center can happen, only the real center can explode, can come to the climax, the optimum, of the possibility of bliss. The false center is a shadow game. You can play with it, you can hope with it, but ultimately nothing but frustration comes out of it. With a false anxiety that is bound to be so.
In a way everything is forcing you not to be yourself, and this cannot be changed just by saying that this is wrong, because society has its own needs. A child, when born, is just like an animal - spontaneous, centered, grounded, but so independent. He cannot become part of an organization.
He is disturbing. He has to be forced, cultivated and changed. In this cultivation he has to be pushed off-center.
We live on the periphery and we live only to the extent that the society allows us. Our freedom is false because the rules of the game, of the social game, are so deeply fixed that you may feel that you are choosing this and that, but you are not choosing. The choice comes from your cultivated mind, and this goes on in a mechanical way.
Relationship is a structure, and love is unstructured. So love relates, certainly, but never becomes a relationship. Love is a moment-to-moment process. Remember it. Love is a state of your being, not a relationship. There are loving people and there are unloving people. Unloving people pretend to be loving through the relationship. Loving people need not have any relationship – love is enough.
Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone.
You be a loving person, Mantra.
But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship – and befool that way that “Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.” And the relationship may be just one of monopoly, possessiveness, exclusiveness.
Relationship may be just out of fear, may not have anything to do with love. Relationship may be just a kind of security – financial or something else. The relationship is needed only because love is not there. Relationship is a substitute.
Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.
If you can love without jealousy, if you can love without attachment, if you can love a person so much that his happiness is your happiness…. Even if he is with some other woman and he is happy, it makes you happy because you love him so much: his happiness is your happiness. You will be happy because he is happy, and you will be grateful to the woman who made the person you love, happy – you will not be jealous. Then love has come to a purity.
This love cannot create any bondage. And this love is simply the opening of the heart to all the winds, to the whole sky. It looks a little strange; but we have been taught continually that love is a relationship, so we have become accustomed to the idea that love is a relationship. But that is not true. That is the lowest kind – very polluted.
A burdened stomach will become a hindrance, so it is helpful for a coward to be relaxed.
Why am I talking about this? I am just saying this, that you have to be aware of your mental processes and your stomach processes; they are deeply related. Psychologists say that fifty to ninety percent of your dreams are because of your stomach processes. If you have taken a very heavy meal you are bound to see nightmares. They are not related with the mind, it is just that the heavy stomach creates them.
Many dreams can be created by outside tricks. If you are sleeping, your hands can be crossed on your chest and immediately you will start dreaming some nightmare. A pillow can be put on your chest and you will dream that some demon is sitting on your chest just going to kill you. And this has been one of the problems. Why is there such a burden from the small weight of a pillow? If you are awake, there is no weight; you do not feel anything heavy. But why is it that a small pillow placed on you in the night when you are sleeping is felt as being so heavy that it is as if you have been burdened with a big stone or a rock? Why is so much weight felt?
The reason is this: when you are aware, when you are awake, your mind and body are not correlated; the gap is there. You cannot feel the body and its sensitivity. While asleep, the control, the culture, the conditioning, dissolves; you have again become a child and your body has become sensitive.
Because of that sensitivity, a small pillow is felt as a rock. It is magnified because of sensitivity - the sensitivity magnifies it. So body-mind processes are deeply related, and if you know what happens you can use this.
Rectum closed, pulled upwards, contracted, creates a situation in the body in which sound can be felt if present. You will feel a pillar of sound in silence within the closed space in your body. Close the ears and pull up the rectum, and then just remain with what is happening inside you. Just remain in that vacant state which is created by these two things. Your life energy is moving within and it has no way to go out. Sound goes out either from your ears or from your rectum. Those are the two doors from where the sound can move out. If is not moving out, you can feel it more easily.
And what will happen when you feel this inner sound? With the very phenomenon of hearing the inner sound, your thoughts dissolve. Just try it anytime during the day: just pull up the rectum and put your fingers in the ears. Press the ears and pull up the rectum. You will feel that your mind has stopped. It will not be functioning; thoughts will have stopped. That constant flow of thoughts is not there. It is good! And if one goes on doing it whenever there is time, in the day if you can do it for five or six times, within three or four months you will become an expert in it. And then such a well-being flows out of it!
And the inner sound, once heard, remains with you. Then you can hear it the whole day. The market is noisy, the road is noisy, the traffic is noisy, but if even in that noise you have heard the inner sound, you will feel the still small voice that goes on inside. And then nothing will disturb you. If you can feel your inner sound, then nothing from the outside can disturb you. You remain silent; whatsoever happens around you makes no difference.
Prem means love and pramod means joy; joy that comes out of love. That’s the only joy there is. Whenever you love, you are joyful. Whenever you cannot love, you cannot be joyful. Joy is a function of love, a shadow of love… it follows love.
So become more and more loving, and you will become more and more joyful. And don’t be bothered about whether your love is returned or not; that is not the point at all. Joy follows love automatically, whether it is returned or not, whether the other is responsive or not. If you are loving, you are joyful, and that is more than enough, more than one can expect. That is the beauty of love – that its result is intrinsic, its value is intrinsic. It does not depend on the response of the other. It is totally yours.
But people are in very much confusion. They think you become joyful only when love is returned. That’s where they miss. Their whole analysis is based on wrong presumptions and their whole life becomes a misery. Joy follows love. It has nothing to do with whether it is returned by somebody or not.
That’s why, even if there is no god, a man who prays deeply becomes joyful. There may not be any god, but that is not a necessity. The devotee loves – god is just an excuse. It triggers, that’s all. It will be difficult to love without somebody there, so you simply imagine that somebody is there in the heavens, and you become loving towards that reality that you have imagined. Joy follows; it is just a by-product of your love. It has nothing to do with the object of love. The object of love may not exist at all, still one can be joyful. The object of love may exist and you may be joyless if you are not loving.
People are continuously asking for something in return. Their love is conditional. They say, ’Make me happy, make me joyful, then I will love you.’ Their love has a condition to it, a bargain. They are completely blind. They don’t know that by loving, joy automatically arises. It is a spontaneous by-product. So just be loving.
And it makes no difference to whom you are loving – to a dog, to a cat, to a tree, to a rock. Just sit by the side of the rock and be loving. Have a little chit-chat. Kiss the rock… Lie down on the rock. Feel one with the rock, and suddenly you will see a shudder of energy, an upsurge of energy – and you are tremendously joyful. The rock may not have returned anything, or may have – but that is not the point. You became joyful because you loved. One who loves is joyful.
And once you know this key, you can be joyful for twenty-four hours – if you are loving for twenty-four hours, and you are no more dependent on objects of love. You become more and more independent, because you know more and more that you can love – even if there is nobody. You can love the very emptiness surrounding you. Sitting in your room alone, you fill the whole room with your love. You may be in a prison; you can transform it into a temple within a second. The moment you fill it with love, it is no more a prison. And a temple becomes a prison if there is no love. So love is freedom, love is joy, and in the ultimate analysis, love is god. Jesus says, ’God is love.’ I say, ’Love is god.’
Now, STOPPING EARS BY PRESSING AND RECTUM BY CONTRACTING, ENTER THE SOUND.
Many times you have been contracting the rectum and sometimes the rectum is released even without your consciousness. If you suddenly become afraid, the rectum is released. You may defecate in fear, you may urinate in fear. Then you cannot control it. If a sudden fear grips you, your bladder will relax, your rectum will relax. What happens? In fear, what happens? Fear is a mental thing, so why do you urinate in fear? Why is the control lost? There must be some deep connecting root.
Fear happens in the head, in the mind. When you are unafraid this never happens. The child really has no mental control over his body. No animal controls his urine, bladder or anything. Whenever the bladder is full it is released. No animal controls it, but man has to control it of necessity. So we force a child to control when he should go to the bathroom and when not. We tell him he has to control; we give timings. So the mind takes over the control of a function which is non-voluntary.
That is why it is so difficult to train the child for the toilet. And now psychologists say that if we stop toilet training, humanity will very much improve.
Toilet training is the first repression of the child and its natural spontaneity, but it seems difficult to listen to these psychologists. We cannot listen to them because then the children will create many problems. We have to train them of necessity. Only a very, very rich, affluent society will be able not to bother. Poor societies have to manage. We cannot afford it. If the child urinates anywhere, we cannot afford it. If he urinates on the sofa we cannot afford it, so we have to train. This training is mental. The body really has no built-in program for it. The body has NO built-in program for it!
Man is an animal as far as body is concerned, and the body knows no culture, no society. That is why when you are in deep fear, the control mechanism that you have imposed on the body is relaxed. You are not in control; you are thrown off control. You can control only in normal conditions.
In emergencies you cannot control because for emergencies you have never been trained. You have only been trained for the normal, day-to-day, routine world. In an emergency the control is lost, your body starts functioning in its own animal way. But one relationship can be understood, that with a fearless man this will never happen. So this has become a sign of a coward.
If in fear you urinate or defecate, this shows you are a coward. A fearless man will not behave in this way, because a fearless man is taking deep breaths. His body and his breathing system are related; there is no gap. With a man who is a coward there is a gap, and because of that gap he is always overburdened with urine and defecation. So whenever an emergency comes, that overburdenedness has to be thrown: he has to be unburdened. And it has a reason in nature. A coward who is unburdened can escape more easily with his stomach relaxed, can run more easily.
If you have suppressed sex, then in your erotic zones it is there. If a person has suppressed sex, then if you touch his erotic zones you can feel it. With any erotic zone touched, sex is there if it has been suppressed. The zone will become afraid and will withdraw from your touch, it will not be open.
Because the person inside is withdrawing, the part of the body will withdraw. It will not allow you to bring about an opening.
Now they say that fifty percent of women are frigid, and the reason is because we teach girls to be more suppressive than boys. So they have suppressed, and when a girl suppresses her s*xual feelings up to the age of twenty, it has become a long habit - twenty years of suppression. Then when she will love, she will talk about love, but her body will not be open; the body will be closed.
And then an opposite, a diametrically opposite phenomenon happens: two currents oppose each other. She wants to love but her body is repressive, the body withdraws; it is not ready to come closer.
If you see a woman sitting with a man, if the woman loves the man she will be inclining toward him, the body will be inclining. If they are sitting on a sofa, both of their bodies will be inclining toward each other. They are not aware, but you can see it. If the woman is afraid of the man, her body will be inclining to the opposite direction. If a woman loves a man she will never cross her legs when sitting near him. If she is afraid of the man she will cross her legs. She is not aware; this is not done consciously. It is body armor. The body protects itself and works in its own ways.
Tantra became aware of this phenomenon; the first awareness of such deep body feeling, sensitivity, was with tantra. And tantra says that if you can use your body consciously, the body becomes the vehicle to move to the spirit. Tantra says, it is foolish, absolutely idiotic, to be against the body. Use it! It is a vehicle! And use its energy in such a way that you can go beyond it.
This creates many problems, particularly for tantra, because tantra believes in deep sensitivity and knowledge of the body. You go on moving and your body goes on doing many things and you are unaware. Now much work is being done on body language. The body has its own language, and psychiatrists and psychologists and psychoanalysts in particular are being trained for body language, because they say you cannot believe the modern man. Whatsoever he says cannot be believed. Rather, one must observe his body, that will give a more true clue.
A man enters a psychiatrist's office. The old psychiatry, Freudian psychoanalysis, will talk and talk with the man to bring out whatsoever is hidden in his mind. Modern psychiatry will observe his body because that gives clues. If a man is an egoist, if ego is his problem, he stands in a different way than a humble man. His neck has a different angle than a humble man, his spine is not flexible but dead, fixed. He looks wooden, not alive. If you touch his body it has a wooden feeling, not the warmth of a living body. He is like a soldier just moving to the front.
Look at the soldier moving to the front. He has a wooden shape, a wooden feeling, and that is needed by a soldier because he is going to die or to kill. He must not be much aware of the body, so his whole training is to create a wooden body. Soldiers marching look like toys, like dead toys marching.
If you are humble you have a different body; you sit differently you stand differently. If you feel inferior, you stand differently; if you feel superior you stand differently. If you are always in fear, you stand in such a way as if you are protecting yourself from some unknown force. That is always there.
If you are not afraid, you are just like a child playing with his mother; there is no fear. Wherever you go you are unafraid, at home with the universe around you. The man who is afraid is armored. And when I say armored it is not only symbolically, physiologically he is armored.
Wilhelm Reich was working very much on body structure, and he came to see some deep associations between mind and body. If a man is afraid, his stomach is not flexible. You touch his stomach and it is like a stone. If he becomes fearless, his stomach relaxes immediately. Or if you relax the stomach, then the fear disappears. Massage the stomach to relax, and you will feel more fearless, less afraid.
A person who is loving has a different quality of body and warmth - he is warm bodily. A person who is not loving is cold, physiologically he is cold. Cold and other things have moved into your body and they have become barriers, they do not allow you to know about your body. But the body goes on working in its own way and you go on working in your own way - a rift is created. That rift has to be broken.
I have seen that if someone is suppressive, if you have suppressed your anger, then your fingers, your hands, have the sensation of a suppressed anger. And a person who knows how to feel it can feel just by touching your hand that you have suppressed anger. And why in the hand? Because anger has to be released by the hands. If you have suppressed anger then in your teeth, in your gums, it is suppressed - and it can be felt by touching. It gives a vibration that "I am suppressed here."
So close the ears and pull the rectum up. Then you are closed from both the sides, and your body becomes closed and just filled with sound. This feeling of being filled with sound gives a deep fulfillment. So we will have to understand many things around it, only then will it become possible for you to have the feeling of what happens.
We are not aware of the body - that is one of the basic problems for a seeker. And the society is against becoming aware of the body because society is afraid of the body. So we train every child not to be aware of the body, we make every child insensitive. We create a distance between the child's mind and body, so he is not very much aware of the body, because body awareness will create problems for the society.
Many things are implied. If the child is aware of the body, he will become aware of sex sooner or later. And if he is too much aware of the body, he will feel too much s*xual, sensuous. So we have to kill the very root. He should be "made dull" about his body, insensitive, so he never feels it. You do not feel your body. You feel it only when something wrong happens, when something goes wrong.
You have a headache in the head, then you feel your head. Some thorn is there, then you feel your leg, your feet. When your body aches, you feel that you have a body. You feel it only when something goes wrong, and then too not right away. You are never aware of your diseases immediately. You become aware only when a period has passed and when the disease goes on knocking at your consciousness that, "I am here." Only then do you become aware. So no one really goes to the doctor in time. Everyone reaches there late, when the disease has entered deep and has done much wrong.
If a child has grown up with sensitivity he will become aware of the disease even before the disease happens. And now, in Russia particularly, they are working on the theory that a disease can be known even six months before its happening if someone is very deeply sensitive about his body, because subtle changes start long in advance. They prepare the body for the disease. The impact is felt even six months before.
But never mind disease, we never become aware even of death! If you are going to die tomorrow, you are not aware even today. A thing like death which may happen the next moment, and you are not aware this moment. You are totally dead to your body, insensitive. This whole society, the whole culture up to now, creates this dullness, this deadness, because it has been against the body. You are not allowed to feel it. Only in accidents can you be pardoned, forgiven for being aware of it; otherwise "do not be aware of the body."
But you will say, 'We always love.' And I tell you, you rarely love. You might be longing for love…and there is a vast difference between the two. To love and to need love are two very different things. Most of us remain like children all our lives because everyone is looking for love. To love is a very mysterious thing; to long for love is a very childish thing. Small children want love; when the mother gives them love they grow. They want love from others also and the family loves them. Then when they grow older, if they are husbands they want love from their wives, if they are wives they want love from their husbands.
"And whoever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given. In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it. And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem. It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together. All over the world there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.
"Think about this a little – your constant need for love. You want someone to love you, and if someone loves you you feel good. But what you don't know is that the other loves you only because he wants you to love him. It is just like someone throwing bait to fish: he does not throw it for the fish to eat, he throws it to catch the fish. He does not want to give it to the fish, he only does it because he wants the fish. All the people that you see in love around you are only throwing bait to get love. They will throw the bait for a while, until the other person starts feeling that there is a possibility of getting love from this person. Then he too will start showing some love until eventually they realize that both of them are beggars. They have made a mistake: each had thought the other was an emperor. And in time each one realizes that he is not getting any love from the other, and that's when the friction starts."
When the child is born, the first thing he is going to do is cry. With that cry his throat opens, with that cry comes the first "AH." The oxygen and air that had been given by the mother is exhaled. This is his first effort with breathing. That is why if a child is not crying, then the doctor will become uneasy, because he has not shown the sign of life. He still feels dependent on the mother. He must cry!
That cry shows that now he is becoming an individual; the mother is not needed, he will take his own breath. And the first thing is that he is going to cry in order to exhale that which was given by the mother, and then his body will start functioning, inhaling.
A child is always exhaling, and when the child starts inhaling, when the emphasis moves to inhaling, be aware. He has already become old; he has learned things from you. He has become tense.
Whenever you are tense, you cannot take a deep breath. Why? Your stomach becomes rigid.
Whenever you are tense your stomach becomes rigid, it won't allow breath to go down. Then you have to take shallow breaths.
Try with "AH." It has a beautiful feeling around it. Whenever you feel tired, "AH" - throw the breath.
And make it a point to emphasize exhaling. You will be a different man, and a different mind will evolve. With the emphasis on breathing in, you have developed a miser mind and a miser body. With exhaling, that miserliness will disappear and with it many problems. Possessiveness will disappear.
So tantra will not say leave possessiveness. Tantra says, change your system of breathing; you cannot possess then. Observe your own breathing and your moods, and you will become aware.
Whatsoever is wrong is always associated with the emphasis that is given to the incoming breath and whatsoever is good, virtuous, beautiful, true, is always associated with exhaling. Whenever you are speaking a lie, you will hold your breath in. Whenever you speak truth, you never hold the breath. You fear that "I am speaking a lie," so you hold the breath. You are afraid something may go out with it - the out-moving breath. Your hidden truth may be revealed, so you are afraid.
Go on trying this "AH" more and more. You will be more healthy in body, more healthy in mind, and a different quality of calm, at-easeness, tranquillity will develop.
The tenth sound method:
STOPPING EARS BY PRESSING AND RECTUM BY CONTRACTING, ENTER THE SOUND.
We are not aware of the body even or how the body functions and what is its tao, what is its way. But if you observe, then you can become very easily aware. If you stop your ears and pull your rectum up, contract your rectum, everything will stop for you. It will be as if the whole world has become non-moving - as if everything has become static, stopped. Not only movements, you will feel as if time has stopped.
What happens when you pull the rectum up, contract it? What happens? When both the ears are closed simultaneously, with closed ears you will hear a sound within. But if the rectum is not pulled up, that sound is released by the rectum. That sound is very subtle. If the rectum is pulled up, contracted, and the ears are closed, you will see within you a pillar of sound - and that sound is of silence. It is a negative sound. When all sounds have ceased, then you feel the sound of silence or the sound of soundlessness. But it will be released from the rectum.
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