why do i keep coming back to this stupid site.
there hasnt been any new women on here within 100 miles of me. just the same ones. then theres the thing that says, women in your area. st louis is not my area, thats like 200 miles away.
i really dont know why i come back here. i dont hear from anyone, nobody is interested, and im not interested in anyone on here.
Another beautiful day here in lonely land. dark gray clouds drizzling a cold rain. perfect snuggling weather, and im alone in my apartment as usual. nothing to do but escape into worlds of fantasy by finding some book to read.
it seems foolish to me to talk about how lonely i am. the world is full of lonely ppl. nobody cares. its even made into a joke a lot of the time, by ppl who have someone.
this isnt the place to talk about it, and i shouldnt, but i know just how id go. id do it in the bathtub so the mess would be easier to clean up. it would be quick, no chance of winding up a vegetable. id leave my front door unlocked so theyd have no trouble getting in to find my body. id make sure that it wouldnt be anyone in my family, especially my nephew who would find me, i wouldnt want to put him thru that. id leave my journals out to be found so that at least ppl might get to know who i am, after im gone.
it might seem like cutting something short, but i already know im not long for this world, whether it be by heart disease like my father or some cancer, its very likely that i will not live to see 50. that gives me less than 20 years and if they are to be as empty, cold and pointless as the majority of the ones ive already lived, it is best to not live them.
"twas not worth feeling what small fleeting joy life brings..."
1. I've come to realize that my butt:
is fat
2. I've come to realize that when I talk :
i mumble sometimes
3. I've come to realize that, if I love someone:
i lose them
4. I've come to realize that, I need:
to find someone
5. I've come to realize that, I lost:
the will
6. I've come to realize that, I hate it when:
someone is explaining something to me that i know more about than them
7. I've come to realize that, if I'm drunk:
ill feel sick in the morning
8. I've come to realize that, marriage:
is probably not in the cards for me
9. I've come to realize that life is:
an illusion
10. I've come to realize that, I'll always be:
fat
11. I've come to realize that, I like:
girls with brown hair
12. I've come to realize that, the last time I cried was:
awhile ago
13. I've come to realize that, my cell phone is:
out of style
14. I've come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
ill wish that i hadnt
15. I've come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
i miss sleeping next to her
16. I've come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
how surveys are pointless
17. I've come to realize that, babies:
are expensive
18. I've come to realize that, when I get on Myspace:
im hoping to have heard from someone but havent
19. I've come to realize that, today I will:
have done nothing productive
20. I've come to realize that, tonight I will:
sleep alone again
21. I've come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
go to work
22. I've come to realize that, I really want to:
get a life
wow 3 girls on here btwn 18 and 30, within 50 miles. that dont have kids are arent married, that is. i guess it is called connecting singles, not, connecting you with someone you want to date.
its funny how ppls pics on dating sites are never ever as attractive as you see in the ads for "available local singles", since ppl that pretty dont need to use dating sites.
its funny how the women who find me attractive always tend to be unattractive.
its funny how many BBW's describe their body type as "average".
its funny how when i happen to be out somewhere with a good looking guy friend, to be able to see the difference in the way women look at him and when they look at me. for him, they smile and giggle, with a sparkle in their eyes, and they look at me like im bird crap on their window.
its funny how some women try to say size doesnt matter, and to then see the size of things for sale at adult toy stores.
its funny how if a 40 something yr old man gets a 20 something yr old girl pregnant, hes looked down upon and probably even called a pervert or a monster,... unless its Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
its been a busy month. besides all the hours and events ive had to work, i had a lot of other crap come up. its not that it was unusually hard things, just the usual stuff that happens in life, its just that there was a lot of it happening all at once this month. i have managed it all so far, but still need to get the tags on my license plate renewed.
Its very annoying that autumn is the time when i most want to be able to relax and enjoy the beautiful weather, and maybe go to some fall festivals, but its always the time when im the most busy. its the time when its really nice to have someone to come home to and snuggle with and of course, im alone. i dont get to do anything fun on Halloween either since i have to work.
i get the feeling that when i finally get some time off, i will have missed all the fall festivals and the weather will have turned to crap and fall will be gone.
this is kinda pointless. trying to find love on here is like shopping at the salvation army.
i think thats what the gang of kids on peter pan chanted to captain hook, "old and donefor! old and donefor!" he then fell into the mouth of the crocodile. it would be nice to be peter pan, forever young, and adored by the girlies.
but it doesnt happen here in reality.
i think i could deal with it. being alone the rest of my sad life, it wont be that long anyway. ive felt love before and thats more than some ppl can say. if i never felt it again, it wouldnt be the end of the world. ill always have the memories of holding that cute young blond girl in my arms. i could die content in the knowledge that i had a lover once. that i was a lover once. i used to feel alive, i used to be alive.
"I am....I was"
tho im fat and ugly, im thankful im not quadripalegic.
tho i have a dead end job, im thankful for an income.
tho im lonely and single, im thankful i have family get-togethers to go to.
tho it is small, cold and lonely, im thankful i have an apartment to live in.
tho i have no one to talk to, im thankful that i can speak.
tho i have no ones pretty eyes to look into, im thankful that im not blind.
tho its a piece of crap rust bucket, im thankful for my jeep.
i could go on.
since it would be crazy to go out today on this black friday, i laid around a lot. i put up my meager mostly homemade christmas decorations, tho it is pointless since no one will see them. i still have the christmas stocking that my lovely ex gf gave me and the one that i made for her. ill probably throw them both away. as usual, ill get no tree, just a small fake one that doesnt even have to be put together. i call it my charlie brown tree, cuz it reminds me of the one he had. im glad that im doing fairly good money wise. i should be able to buy everyone presents who i need to buy for. it was nice to see my family at our thanksgiving feast, tho i didnt get to visit much, but i never do. the little brats running around were annoying as always. but it is a nice touch that my mother has a wood burning stove, so it feels very homey and cozy and all stuff. i baked a pumpkin cheesecake and made a tree design on top out of cinnamon. there is another little get-together at my sisters on sunday but its going to suck because my crotchety old pee soaked grandparents are going to be there. but im going, cuz if i wasnt id just be here alone again.
Its ironic, the doom of the situation that a lot of guys end up in. they are very lonely and just want someone in their life, but dont have someone, so they get depressed. and the ladies dont want depressed guys, they want fun, outgoing manly men, not sad men. so this lonely guy who just wants someone to love, ends up repelling them, just from the fact that he is lonely and sad. he may get a little interest out of pity, but eventually those girls move on, cuz they dont want to be their boyfriends therapist, they want to be swept off their feet by romance, not an emotional crutch, so they move on in search of a better catch. after all, depressed ppl are kinda weird and annoying sometimes. the one thing that would pull him out of his rut, is the thing that his rut ruins for him. how can he get out of his depression by finding love, when he cant find love, because of his depression? ppls advice is always the same, just get yourself up, get out there and find someone. when your stuck in that dark lonely place, that is easier said than done, and usually said by ppl who have no trouble finding romance. its also ironic that chicks seem to be drawn to the type of guy that doesnt really need a relationship in his life, or at least acts like it. women want that strong, rugged, knightly kind of guy, who is a rock to her. she wants to be able to curl up like a little girl and be carried away in his arms. even the women who claim to be all independent and strong on their own, they want a strong man who they can lean on, not some guy who needs comfort. women want to be comforted, not the comforter. they want the kind of guy who suddenly grabs her by the waist, picks her up and sets her on the counter top in the kitchen and passionately makes out with her, not the kind of guy who needs himself picked up out of his sad slump on his bathroom floor. sad too, that these studly manly men, who the ladies just adore and cant keep their hands off of, also move on easily, in search off another pot of honey. yet the ladies just cant help themselves. and the lonely guy can only watch this pathetic game being played out, with no part in it of his own.
johnnyboy76 Blog (21)