so im at the point now where ive already messaged every girl on here who i would mostly likely be remotely interested in.
does anyone know any other good free dating sites? maybe some meant for the missouri area?
connecting singles is pretty cool, with the blogs and forums and all, but im not going to be interested in someone who lives in europe for crying out loud.
been driving around and walking around in a daze. its like the ppl i see around me are just characters on tv or something. some look interesting and nice, but i dont actually get to interact with them. its kinda funny to me that i still say, "excuse me" when i almost run into someone in walmart because, why bother, theyre hardly real to me. i always give polite laughter when my boss walks by and says something funny, even tho i dont feel like laughing. and i even smile a lot still, for some reason. i was planning on going to this guys All hallows eve party with clown makeup on, but i think i wont even go, because i think i wear a mask enough. it will be a bunch of drunk strangers anyway.
in the movie, What Dreams May Come, the woman who commits suicide goes to a hell where she doesnt know shes dead and just keeps trying to go on with her life in her cold crumbling home. sometimes i wonder, i really wonder, did i finally do it, and not remember, and this is my hell. am i just going to keep plugging along in this pointless cold place, not knowing im already dead?
i read somewhere how someone said that hope is an evil thing. because it can keep someone going on and on, in vain. the only thing that almost makes me want to laugh is thinking of what i hope to find.
wow, the ppl in the forums sure are scrappy. they seem to all be just itchin for a bitchin. i havent heard so many insults at once in a long time. if you dont want to get made fun of and griped at for your opinions, dont put them in the forums. i think ill stay away from them too. seems like the guys on here want to impress the ladies by putting other guys down, and the women all expect to be treated like goddesses. huh, its just like in the real dating world.
so im trying to decide if i should keep my mohawk or not. i feel rather silly for being a guy my age with a mohawk but everybody keeps saying they like it and it does go well with my piercings. i only did it as a joke at first and intended to shave it off after All Hallows Eve. im trying to bring back calling it that by the way, All Hallows Eve.
my nieces birthday party is today and im going to miss it because of work, but i made her a little drum and i still need to wrap it. she likes to beat on my drum so much, i decided to give her one of her own. the party will probably be crazy tho with so many 2 or 3 yr olds running around. maybe its better that i not be there.
i just think that dancing banana is funny to watch.
i got to help shoot a commercial yesterday. i was at work and there wasnt anything going on and they were taping stuff to be used in a commercial for a store that sells leather jackets and tshirts. they have this girl who is going to be their spokesmodel or whatever, and they had her kinda dressed like a prostitute. they almost asked me to be in it but they called this guy who was much better looking and muscular, which is understandable.
i have to go tape a highschool football game tonite so i think im gonna go get ready for that now.
id say its reached the point of ridiculous now. thats the point where im starting to go from being hurt and sad, to almost being kind of amused. i had emailed my ex because she said wed talk in september and we didnt. and she didnt respond to my email, so now im like, its almost funny, the way she is a little con-artist. i sometimes think how nice it would be to able to approach the world the way women do, with the uncanny ability to twist reality around to suit themselves. i had read her blogs and she is actually saying that i had "betrayed her trust". in reality, what i had done is refuse to help her get gangf*cked by me and some other guys. that may be some peoples thing, but i guess im old fashioned. but i dated her for 3 years and i know her and i know what shes doing. shes going to not tell anyone that dirty little secret of hers so that way, tada! it magically never happened, and she looks like the little victim. i was starting to deal with her attempt at sluttiness but what i couldnt get over is how she kept trying to rewrite the past and say that she never actually wanted to do it. i wouldnt let her get away with those little head games, and i think thats why she dumped me. its so much easier to just get rid of the guy who knows your shameful secrets and find some other guy who doesnt know. that way, it never happened. so, anyway, its starting to be kinda sorta funny. i hope she has fun living in her little fantasy land.
but im thinking that no girl is going to want to date a guy who doesnt let her delude herself. but like i told my ex, if it makes you feel less guilty to tell yourself stuff that isnt true, go for it, but just dont try to get me to play along.
Well i was very relieved that i didnt have to direct those shows. it turned out that Gerald didnt want to go to his class that night so he came in and directed them and i ran audio as usual. i was so glad that i didnt have to direct them because i knew that it wouldnt have gone well. its not that i was worried that it might not go well, i knew that it wouldnt go well. it just wouldnt have. hopefully they wont try to make me start directing them down the road, but they probably will, since nobody else really wants to. im glad that im getting quite a few hours, more than i thought i would be. apparently theres lots of little things that need done that i am able to come in and do and get some hours.
i found out that the childrens book that i illustrated has won some kind of national award and i was invited to go to wichita ks to accept it at some ceremony. but ill be too busy with work and thats too far to drive so im not gonna make it. i kinda wish i could cuz its not very often that i get recognition for something that i have done. the author also told me that he has plans for 3 or 4 more books that would be similar and that i would actually be paid for illustrating them. thats exciting to me because then i would actually be a real book illustrator. he also said that he wants me to appear on an education dvd that would be sent to schools that overviews the book and would have me explaining how i did the drawings and me demonstrating sketching. that would be cool too. i feel rather flattered but also kinda silly, since it seems like a lot of fuss over a few charcoal sketches.
i finally emailed my ex gf to see if she wants to talk, even tho i pretty much know that she doesnt. she had told me that we would talk in september but i havent heard from her at all. if she doest email me back, it will be to say something like, im sorry, i dont want you back, goodbye and leave me alone.
i think i understand now why the guy in that Jim Carry movie wanted to erase all the memories of his exgirlfriend. it makes sense to me now, because how can you ever have hope that you will love someone else when you are still in love with the one you lost? i feel that even if i somehow manage to date someone else, as unlikely as that is apparently, i know that i will always still love my ex. thats just not going to go away. and to erase those memories would not just be about being free from the pain of not having her in my life, it would be freedom from the pain of knowing she is out there being happy with other guys. yes of course i want her to be happy, but i want to be the one who makes her happy. i think that is one thing that i will miss most, being comforting to her. and that is one thing that i really really wish i had done more. its strange but i think that in some way, i may have pushed her away, for fear of losing her. that sounds odd but i think that may have had something to do with it. i fell in love with her, and it may have been a little scary for me. but i dont really understand it all. there are many reasons that i got dumped. she was probably too young and inexperienced in dating, i had trust issues, her parents didnt like me, it was a long distance relationship, on and on. basically the cards were stacked against us. and i wish now that i had never let myself picture us growing old together, as one of those old couples walking hand in hand in the park. because im right back where i was before i found her, alone and lonely, except now i must bear the burden of the memories of a girl i love but dont have.
So apparently you have to be an attractive female to get any comments on your blog. its not as if i need comments, or even care what other ppl think. at least i know ppl have read my blogs, cuz it tells you how many views you have down at the bottom. but when your not hot, like me, you are already used to no attention, so its not a big deal.
Sometimes ppl wonder if beautiful ppl realize that they get treated better than unnattractive ppl, trust me, they realize it. hot ppl know that they are hot, no matter what they say. i get so tired of stupid movies or tv shows that have some hot girl, having trouble finding a boyfriend. its not like that, and its not a remotely entertaining premise, even for a comedy. Another overdone and tiresome premise is the unnatractive nerdy, yet sweet, guy, getting the hot girl. if that ever happens in reality, its because the hot girl got tired of dating the hot guys who treated her like crap. but they never show how eventually she gets tired of the sweet nerdy guy and dumps him because she wants a hot guy again. Relationships are so innaccurately portrayed in Hollywood, it gives ppl unrealistic expections.
As for me and this stupid dating site, i have no expectations whatsoever.
so i figured id make a blog. already use my myspace, but why not do another.
i finally saw Pans Labyrinth a few days ago. i thought it was a kids movie and wow was i wrong. probably rated R. really violent and disturbing and depressing. im not sure how it got put into that childrens fairytale sort of category, cuz its definently not for kids. i dont think ive seen so many ppl get shot in the head and/or face in one single movie. and its all in spanish but has subtitles. and the thing that is Pan in the labyrinth, hence the name, is this gigantic 8 foot tall, scarry looking monster, not at all like the faun in The lion the witch and wardrobe. which is odd because thats kinda what Pan is supposed to be, a faun. and i didnt like the scene when the fairies got their heads bit off by this other weird monster. so if you are thinking of letting your kids watch Pans Labyrinth, dont. its not for them. i still need to see The last mimzy and Bridge to Terebithia. its funny that the girl in terebithia is the one who played violet in charlie and the chocolate factory. i liked the lion the witch and the wardrobe, but what made it cool is that i have read all the books in that series so it was neat to finally see a movie version of it. it was amusing back when it first came out that the christians were going around saying that it has a christian theme to it. it may seem that way if you only see the movie, but if you read the books, you actually see quite a lot of pagan stuff and not just references. there is a scene in one of the books where the pagan god bachus comes prancing out of the woods for a bonfire party for crying out loud.
well i guess this turned out to just be a movie critique.
maybe ill think of other stuff to talk about some other time.
johnnyboy76 Blog (21)