weekdaze
been driving around and walking around in a daze. its like the ppl i see around me are just characters on tv or something. some look interesting and nice, but i dont actually get to interact with them. its kinda funny to me that i still say, "excuse me" when i almost run into someone in walmart because, why bother, theyre hardly real to me. i always give polite laughter when my boss walks by and says something funny, even tho i dont feel like laughing. and i even smile a lot still, for some reason. i was planning on going to this guys All hallows eve party with clown makeup on, but i think i wont even go, because i think i wear a mask enough. it will be a bunch of drunk strangers anyway.in the movie, What Dreams May Come, the woman who commits suicide goes to a hell where she doesnt know shes dead and just keeps trying to go on with her life in her cold crumbling home. sometimes i wonder, i really wonder, did i finally do it, and not remember, and this is my hell. am i just going to keep plugging along in this pointless cold place, not knowing im already dead?
i read somewhere how someone said that hope is an evil thing. because it can keep someone going on and on, in vain. the only thing that almost makes me want to laugh is thinking of what i hope to find.