VivianLee Blog

Single girl support group

Back when I was still bright-eyed and romantic a cynical friend told me that Mr Perfect didn't exist, and while I kept an eye out for Mr Very Nearly Perfect I needed a proper support group in place. This was the set-up she outlined. (I asked one guy what a single man's support group should include and he said a woman who would clean his oven would be good. Then he got stumped. Challenge issued to the boys)

The single girl needs the following men in her life.

1) A best friend. Someone she can phone at any time, go out with, laugh and cry with, and in a perfect world, he'd be handy at DIY as well. It's important that there is no attraction, either side - a close relative, or a gay guy, is best, she said.

2) A really good friend - #1 has a life too, and won't always be available. Perfect world, #2 is good with cars, or computers, or anything that our girl can't do herself. Again, a relative or gay man.

3) A really good lover she could see regularly. She said unfortunately they tended to be married or generally unavailable on a permanent basis, but the good sex keeps a girl blooming.

4) A man who loved her but, for whatever reason, couldn't or wouldn't be The Man. Vital, though, for self-esteem.

5) A playboy, not around very often but trailing stardust and rockets when he was, who turned the world rainbow coloured, and then was gone again, leaving her to watch him out of sight with a happy smile before she turned back to her support group.

Right or wrong? In her case #4 suddenly zoomed to life and they've been married ever since.

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Aug 2014
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Really? Mr Right?

Colour me surprised but I may have met Mr Right and I can’t tell you how unexpected that was. I do still have to work out his full name. We’ve all been there, right, girls? Mr Always Right? Mr Too Far Too The Right? Or that old zinger, Mr Married...

I don’t think I’m the only one who has had that tiny skip of the heart when I’ve looked at a bio. Wow. Perfect! Photos, age, height, build, bio. Ooh! And he can spell, and his message was funny and clever.

Well, only strangers are perfect.

Good thing about a dating website, you find out right away whether the man is literate or not. I’m a writer, and capital letters, call me old-fashioned, are a bit of a turn-on after a series of messages on the lines of hi im gazza like ur foto lol (especially as I didn’t have up a photo)

Then the little confessions. Like the guy a friend of mine met, who shyly admits that those few extra pounds on his bio, well, he’s 27 stone and wants to know if you’re a good cook. (27 stone is 378 pounds, or just over 170 kgs). Why DO that? Lots of women like bigger men, tell the truth from the start. In fact if ever the case was made for webcams, it is on dating websites, before you get too starry-eyed. They may make you look hideous, but at least you both know you can only look better in real, and if you like the look of them and the sound of them on webcam, wow.

There’s no substitute for meeting, eventually. Does he walk right? Smell right? That’s not whether he favours Lynx or not, it is pheromones and if he doesn’t ring your bell, or you don’t reach something primal in him, it isn’t going to work.

I’d love to hear some stories about this stage from you guys, how that ‘damn you look good’ stage translated into the meeting. That’s the next stage for me and Mr Looks So Right, setting up a meeting in another country. His country? Mine? Neutral territory?

Of course I’m nervous!

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Jul 2014
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Leg cramps! arrgghh

I was annoyed the first time I stretched in the morning and the lovely stretch turned into an agonizing spasm in my calf. Nothing like a rapid dance round the bedroom to get rid of that cramp as a brisk way to wake up, eh?

That's age, a friend said, I've had that for ages.

Damn and blast this age thing, I thought when it happened again. And again. (I think I was 51, 52, when it started happening)

So turns out, yes, an age thing in a way - I had stopped drinking water late in the evening because it annoyed me if I had to get up during the night to pee, but hey, turns out, that's why I was now getting the cramps. But you probably knew that anyway.

Every day a school day.

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Jul 2014
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Honest descriptions

Okay, I say this as a member who doesn't have a single pic up at the moment, bite me.

But seriously, how accurate are the descriptions? How old are the photos? One guy had fab pics and sounded realistic, made me laugh on line, and wanted to meet, so we did. He was much older and shorter and decidedly weirder in person and although we had a good lunch, and we did laugh a lot, he hadn't mentioned the minor drug addiction (!) and no chance.

He just laughed when I asked exactly how many years had passed since he celebrated the 57th birthday on his profile. You look at a profile, he explained, and try to judge how big the pinch of salt is, and if you like talking the rest doesn't matter anyway.

I'm not expecting anyone to say bashfully that their description is baloney and their photographs had to be dusted off before they were put up. But have you met up with people who were barely recognizable from their profiles? Was he right, the way he explained it?

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Jul 2014
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Expectations

I signed up to talk to as many people as I could about sex, no more, no less - I'm a writer, I wanted to get some wide experience without dashing round trying to sleep with twenty men at once, and it has been, well, interesting. Sometimes very interesting!

The thing is, on line, no problem. Some of the men I've spoken to have been pretty wham-bam-thank you ma'am, some have been fun for a couple of meetings, and a surprising number of men want to chat. Some don't seem to know what they want.

Still, on line is usually fairly straightforward. Here's the thing, I met a guy recently in real life who invited me to have dinner at his flat. Now, he knows I write about sex. We were introduced by a mutual friend who had sex with him on their first date (a year or two back, they are just friends now). He laughed when I said I thought dinner at his place might give the wrong signals, and said he would be delighted if we did but he would never presume. If things work out as they have started, I would expect we would have a friendly affair - benefits and friends rather than the other way round.

But here is that setting of expectations. Dinner at his flat? I THINK any woman reading this would say don't do it unless you intend to have sex with him regardless. Right? or wrong?

But I would love to know the male viewpoint. What expectation would you have if I agreed to dinner at yours? Automatically assume we end up in bed and I must have known it would when I agreed?

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Jul 2014
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This is a list of VivianLee's Blogs. Click here for VivianLee's Blog List

VivianLee Blog (89)

Single girl support group

Really? Mr Right?

Leg cramps! arrgghh

Honest descriptions

Expectations

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