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Eat anything you like. When you remember ...

Two years ago my daughter announced she was getting married AND that she was inviting not only my ex’s platinum blonde American long-term lady friend, but lady friend’s identical twin sister. Same age as me, but as glossy and immaculate as only Americans can be, and in DUPLICATE. shimmy shimmy Yikes!

Luckily I’d just started the most miserable depressing part-time job ever (trying to help people heading towards bankruptcy to sort their personal finances) and that helped, boy did it help. I worked until 10 pm every night, was too glum to eat and by the wedding had lost a satisfactory 2.5 stone (35 lbs, or 16 kgs).cheering

Even better, the Terrible Twins shimmy shimmy couldn't make it to the UK and the wedding weekend was huge fun, with the FOTB and the MOTB avoiding the bride’s very disapproving eye to spend lots of catch-up time together.devil I’d been doing a lot of Zumba (puff puff) to shape up as the weight fell off and the FOTB wasn’t the only one interested. So that was one of several reasons that I joined CS, and I have had a year of talking so much every night that I kept forgetting to eat.conversing

Weighed myself the other day and was a bit taken aback to find my weight loss in two years is now exactly 4 stone. (56 lbs, or 25 kgs). So how do I market this as a weight-loss plan and make my fortune, eh? It may be a bit complicated ... dunno but hey, CS is an essential factor. You in?
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Nice from far - far from nice?

The whole LDR thing seems to fall into different sections - ones where you never meet but have an entire relationship on line, ones where you have long periods apart but occasional meetings, and ones where it ends in coming together.

Of course they can sometimes be heartbreaking because they are utterly unreal, and you never get to understand that the perfect person has as many warts and bumps as the person next door. But the sheer unreality makes them very intoxicating.

Mine broke a lot of barriers I had set up for a long time, and I also learned some valuable lessons.

Have you been in one of the 3? Is there a type I missed? And - overall verdict?
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The trick is to know exactly what you want.

Do you? I realized the other day that I don't. I just want someone to offer me interesting options and wait anxiously for my careful consideration roll eyes

My daughter has a poster that says it all. I don't ask much of a man. He just has to be handsome, sexy, funny, clever, rich, athletic, adoring, and prepared to feed me ice-cream in bed every night for the rest of my life.
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Selfies

There was a good definition of age on Twitter the other day. Calculate your age by the number of selfies you take, divided by the number you instantly delete, multiplied by the number you eventually end up letting people see.

It may work better for men. I delete 95% immediately with squawks of horror. The camera does not love me.

Having said that, I have put up current photos. No Goofy hat, no pink gauze swirling. Wotcher think? *does a twirl*

As for the singles hunt on the other websites, I have so many potential dates lined up in Glasgow (only 2 in Edinburgh) that I am flirting with the idea of demanding photos of them smiling (Scottish teeth are intermittent) and / or psychiatric profiles. I like zany slightly unstable people with kind hearts. There's a test for that, I'm sure.

Or, hang ON a moment, insist they buy, read and review one of my books first. (Too soon?) yay
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Hey!

I just spent 3 hours tidying up a translation of a trade manual done by an Indian agency from German into English and that's a little too exciting. Not. No more Friday nights like that, thanks. A night out with a boy, every now and then, HAS to be better.

Serious shortage of Scottish blokes on here. The ones I've seen have more tattoos than teeth. And the few who have contacted me direct over my year on CS lost interest when they found out I didn't know or care which footie* team won the night before. S'long, hen.

So I went to a place where the fishing is supposed to be good, and spent a while putting together an utterly riveting fishing rod. The hook looks so good I've got 15 fish already begging to be caught. If I want to view the school all I have to do is upgrade.

What? when did we have to start paying to fish? The bloody universe has so got it in for me.

*soccer
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Which is easier to find? a great job or a great lo

Finding a great job, one that will interest you, grow over the years, keep you enthralled, how hard is that? No harder than meeting a perfect partner.

Like so many other things, gets harder as you grow older. Past jobs look better in retrospect than they really were. You wonder why you ever left them, then you remember the long hours or the stress or, perhaps, the boredom.

Anyone have (or had) a great job? I'm seriously thinking time to step back into full-time work, plus that salary thing (not to mention paid holidays) is apparently quite useful.

Dumped

Ouch. Look at that bruise, it will be a lulu. help

Funny mix of feelings, though. Mainly surprise ... but then he is VERY stubborn and so am I and we had a clash of wills and for the first time I won. So perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. boxing

No regrets. If you ever read this, Alex - it was oh-so-very-much fun, 5 laughing holidays together and talking for hours and hours on skype when we were apart: I will always remember the sheer fun we had. You made me feel I was infinitely good company and very desirable.

I wish you hadn't been so stubborn ... but I guess better to find out now than further down the line. I did think we were friends as well. Maybe in time that can be picked up again.

Going to go now. Starting to feel a need to wallow in a little ice-cream. I'll be back for the chat every now and then, to see who is up to what. I wasn't going to allow comments on this and then I thought what the hell. Maybe someone will enjoy a little crowing. I have some friends here, but I made some enemies too. Go for it.

Happy hunting, y'all.
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looking good vs feeling good

If you feel good, does it matter what you look like?

My guy still stacks pretty well against anyone on the beach. I don't. He says wear a costume anyway. I say no chance.

He pointed out 2 entirely separate women as we were sitting in a boardwalk cafe.

One was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, long slacks with a glimpse of ankle, closed beach shoes. She looked hot, fretful and miserable, but very proper.

The other was wearing a bikini and flipflops. Her boobs hung to her waist, her waist hung over the bottom part of the bikini, and her legs shook as she walked. She was having a whale of a time, completely ignoring the people staring at her disapprovingly.

It did make me think. Sure, comes a time when we don't look so good in a swimsuit. Stop swimming? Does anyone else care what we look like?

He said so when the upper arms are no longer toned and firm - long sleeves?
When the toes are less than pretty. No more sandals?
At what point does one decide to stay indoors for the rest of your life?
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Living with a writer

1. Never, ever, ask when the book will be published

2. Don’t ask if they wish they had written the last best-seller

3. Never say you are thinking of writing a book. Or that you would if you had the time.

4. Don’t panic if you see their browsing history. They’re not planning to poison you, hire a hitman, or move to Afghanistan.

5. Leave your writer alone when they are writing. It is incredibly difficult to enter the zone.

6. Don’t pick unfair fights. Writers always get their revenge in print.

7. If you must fight, make it memorable. They’re always looking for material.

8. If your writer vanishes at a party, don't panic. They’re off checking out the host’s bookshelves or medicine cabinets.

9. Buy notebooks and pens as gifts. Chocolate is acceptable.

10. Leave your writer alone when a bad review comes in. After the deadly silence, screaming, tears and muttering have subsided, offer coffee. And a cupcake. Add a huge hug.

(www.writerswrite.co.za)

Wanna be a bear (old joke)

I went for my spring waxing this morning. OUCH. Reminded me of an old favourite joke.

In this life, I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a mommy bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're mommy bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS you to be hairy, huge and dangerous.

Yup, gonna be a bear!
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3 decisions, I am on a roll

Long lazy baths are top thinking time and this morning was particularly productive as I reached three important decisions. I’m not conventional, I have never been conventional, and I am stopping trying to be conventional. That wasn’t a decision, that’s a fact.

Firstly – I’m getting married. This was first mooted in 2006, and pencilled in for 2026, when my ex and I agreed that if I am still single, we will remarry in October of that year. I say we agreed – I told him, he agreed. I have now decided this will happen, even if he has died or, worse, scurried off and married someone else: hopefully there will be a choice of grooms at that time. If not, surely by 2026 there will be suitable androids on the market. In the unlikely event I am already married, the lucky man and I will renew our vows. Sorted.

Secondly – I like being engaged. I am engaged, I am engaged in a relationship. Engagement is, of its very nature, a transitory state, but does mean I can refer to my lovely man as my fiancé rather than the alarming connotations of ‘other half’ or, even more threatening, ‘partner’. Sorted.

Thirdly, and most importantly – I have written a book which is supposedly steampunk, but which I am now told is more Space Western. I don’t really like Westerns, so I was fretting about that. The water was nearly cold by the time I decided the book’s genre is future retro. SO sorted.

There is a movement called retrofuturism. I may adopt that as a tag to redirect readers. But future retro it is.

AND I am beautifully clean. A good bath, really.

I was going to post this blog in RL, then decided to run it here first. See if it gets any comments. wave

Engaging in a relationship

Best relationships of my life were my 3 engagements. I was married once and turned out to be really bad at it. (My brother described it as 3 arrests, 1 conviction).

I felt loved and valued, I did not feel trapped! It was great. Can't imagine ever being married again, and I know I am not the only one, quite a lot of marriage-phobes here. Still, you'd think there'd be a relationship status somewhere between just hanging out together, and chained to each other, in these days of complicated relationships.

Time for us CS experts to invent it?

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