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I'll Be Here Waiting.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last blog and sent really kind messages telling me to keep my chin up :)

So deep down inside, the confusion and frustrate of losing out on so many guys is still at large. And all im gonna say in this blog is..Is it wrong to meet your ex boyfriends?, one of my ex's from a year ago has asked me to meet him tomorrow, i really did feel something for him long ago but all i felt has now disappeared and turned into a hollow hate which isn't full on just yet. I agreed but im thinking to myself its just too soon but since i promised him i think im gonna' see it through and try and keep a lid on my emotions.

And the second question, i really need to ask is..Is it right to wait for guys you like to come out of a relationship?. I know ive talked this through with many people and they say i should stop wasting my life and move on and try and forget about things but truthfully i still have feelings for the emo guy i lost out on on Facebook :(..Im never gonna get over it (I know i should stop acting like a dumb teen but hell lol).

My ex boyfriend still wants me back, but im still pretty torn up about him to really tell him what i feel?, is that a bad sign or what? uh oh

I Have so many questions i need answers to, but the answers never really hit me quick enough for me to act. I mean, does it make me a heartless b*tch if i say i hope my crush and his girl don't last long?, or is me just being spiteful?, i really don't know..

So i need help on this one, but who knows if i'll get it in time or what lol.

Thank you for reading my blogs =)

- Brunetteteen18
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Razorblade Romance..

Dont ask about the blog title. Just a moment of confusion. I cant believe im confused already.

I have no idea what the heck to do, if anyones interested by this stage, ill explain. So ive been with my boyfriend now for 2 months it will be 3 in a few weeks, trouble is i like this guy and he likes me and we have more in common and things between us are pretty good we've known each other longer than ive known my boyfriend, we we're going to meet but i met my boyfriend and we decided to date, but of course now i really want to be with this guy and at the same time i dont want to desert something good after 2/3 months help

I love my boyfriend, but all he seems to do is lecture me when i cant do anything right or i have down days he tells me to stop being a faggot and in a way he's probably right and then he pulls all this stuff about how much he cares for me and how much he doesn't want me to be some kinda dolie or shelf filler later in life.

We had a very large row that lasted for 2 days, which was Saturday and Sunday, and he was like i leave you for one weekend and you turn emo. I love being emo because i used to be that way before we met and its like im progressing into something ive missed and i love it, now i get told off for wearing eyeliner and studded belts.

I wish someone could see my problems and give me a push in the right direction because im sure as hell confused. sigh

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Confused. Day 2

So i think i will decide to make a blog for how long this confusion lasts (if you have no idea read Razorblade Romance that should explain and clear a few things up for the new reader).

So now we're on day 2, today i had a large heart to heart with two of my closest friends and what they said seems to help a lot they think i should take a chance with the other guy and go for it, but myself i couldn't be more unsure still. I love the other guy a lot because we have so much more in common than me and my current boyfriend. Trouble is theres a large travelling distance between us, but he can drive and says he will visit me every other day when he's not at work or football practice which i find acceptable :)

But the frustrate and pain is still there, and part of me feels that if i keep burying my head in the sand the problems will still be here to pester me still. So the quicker i get this sorted the quicker i can resume to normal, happy life once again :)

I will probably sleep on such a big decision and see how i feel by the weekend/end of the week.

So until i finally make up my mind or the confusion continues i shall write again :)

Love Always
- Brunetteteen18
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Months Of Pitty Payed Off.

Well, its been a while since i wrote here or have even paid a proper visit here. Im sorry to the people i haven't messaged back and the people who have sent flowers ive only just sent a few back laugh i should really stop in here more often.

So after months of pitty, hatred and a downright boring christmas ive finally met the man of my dreams applause , we've now been together for 2 Months, we met on 27th December 2OO8 and it was a good day :), We orignally met off Myspace (even though ive learned my lesson from internet blokes and i said id never have another), but this one was different, he was so friendly and funny. And we hit it off straight away :)

So my new found marital status aside, my uncles getting married in August and has asked me to be his bridesmaid as well as my cousin, ive already had my dress fittings and everything seems to be going well beer

So im mainly going to use this blog to record my marital hiccups or rants about college :). Thank you to all the guys on here that gave me advice and have shown interest heart beating

Things To Do..

March 2OO9..
x. Go On A Diet
x. Dress Fittings
x. 3 Month Relationship - 27th March
x. Grow Nails

April 2OO9..
x. Friends Birthday.
x. 27th - 4 Month Relationship

May 2OO9..
x. 27th - 5 Month Relationship

June 2OO9
x. 9th - Make Up Rehearsal
x. 27th - 6 Month Relationships
x. 29th - My 20th Birthday :D
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In A Relationship...

I am so angry with myself right now, i know i should stop beating myself up about things. This blogs probably going to be about the guy i used to like back when i was at college a few months ago.

Recently, i was talking to his cousin who added me on Facebook. I was going to take the plunge and tell him how i felt. So i added him as a friend and he accepted and i sent him a message telling him exactly how long id liked him and how i felt about him and basically i poured my heart out to him or i was about to press the send button until i noticed his status...In a relationshipblues

I just felt like crying at that stage because id stoked myself up to do it and told myself to stop being a wuss and go ahead and then the final second i did he has a girlfriend..And i want my ring back!very mad

I Know i shouldn't get mad but im mad at myself, he was giving me the come on a few months ago and i didn't let him know i was interested, and now im paying the price for it. He has a girlfriend and yet again i find myself alone when if i could of shown him i was interested and more than likely been in a Relationship but oh no, i dont reconize a green light when i see one...Gah it always happens to me!frustrated

But i guess i'll never learn from my mistakes.dunno

Im doing rambling now, i bet your all bored crazy with my stupid boy rants lol!laugh

Much Love
-BrunetteTeen18 x
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College Rant..At Last.

Okay, so i think it was about time i ranted about college since most of my blog only revolves around one thing, Blokes.

I had a wide range of lessons this morning. Everything was going great until last lesson when i got lumbered with this horrible old woman, and she was old..Scrawny and just plain rude.

I spent ages typing a letter and correcting it and i gave it to her to look at and she starts to destroy my work, she hardly did that to the girl sitting next to me, i think its just me and my crush she hates. I love the rest of my teachers and it feels like she hates my guts, why though?..Did i do something to anger her?

Whats worse is im stuck in a class with annoying tarts, i mean ones pregnant and shes my age im not discriminating against pregnant teenagers here because im friends with a few but all im saying is that whats the point?. Im 19 and the college says if your 19 and above your a mature student and then you get placed with the people 19 and over..But does that happen to me?...No i get lumbered with a bunch of teeny boppers and how goddamn annoying is it when they laugh and giggle and your trying to concentrate.

Grrrrr, sometimes i wonder why i signed on that dotted line doh

Thank you for listening to my extremely pointless rant.

-Brunetteteen18
smitten
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Seeing Through The Darkness

Well it seems a while since i updated things here.

First things first, still no man in my life but i feel im closer to finding one. Recently i took a new start at a new college studying Business administration and stuff to do with Computers i really like it there and feel im fitting in a treat. So ive really warmed to a guy in my class...Trouble is he's 6 maybe 7 years older than me. He's 25, 26 In December and im only 19..Now we get on really well and we're inseperable at break times and just recently he kissed me, and we we're both sober....Now my minds in overdrive and i dunno what the hell to do about it...I Like him but my parents are so damn strict and they'd probably kill me as soon as they found out how old he wasdoh very mad

Things on the family front still suck, but i feel i have more freedom and im fairly treated--Ish lol!rolling on the floor laughing ..Apart from i still get in trouble for backchat and going out and coming back at a crappy hour, but wait...When has 10pm being a crappy hour?...I call anything past 12:30AM a crappy hourdunno

Well....Im going to wrap things up and probably write tomorrow when i have a bit more free time on my hands since ive been cleaning for my mum all day since shes been at work..

Goodnight everyonewave

Love Always
Danielle
xxx
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Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

Im Serious.

I must be cursed or something, i mean relationship wise im cursed..Lemme take you back to my first ever boyfriend!...I was 14, We didn't last near a week....Only because my cousin made me choose and i chose her instead of my boyfriend.

Second boyfriend when i was 17...In fact they all didn't even last a month the ones i had when i was 17.

Then the only one i ever cared about when i was 18, we lasted 1 month and of course he was a little paranoid and so that brought our relationship to an end and i was distraught for weeks..I'd hardly eat anything from one day to the next...I guess i was kinda stupid to do that, but truth is i still miss him even 1 year on...crying

But thats what im here for, a loyal...None paranoid, None Clingy Soul mate lol!

Anyway im done rambling on about my none existant love life lolgrin drinking

Danielle (brunetteteen18)
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A Kiss.

I had quite a weird day today.

The weathers been really nice recently, today it has been cloudy and a bit cold but as soon as the afternoon came it perked up alot and i was walking home in the sunshine instead of the rain which im happy about. I hope it stays like this for next friday as its my May ball =) and i'd hate to get my dress or my hair wet.laugh

The blog title explains for itself really. My little guy friend who is 15 kissed me today, but it wasn't a proper kiss it was a peck on the cheek for lending him 10p lol...But after that he just hugged me loads and it felt really good after i'd been wound up.

I'll post some pictures of my prom maybe in the forum or where ever their suppost to go around here lol!..

Well if i don't update anytime soon, i may be taken otherwise im just being lazyblushing

Thanks for reading.

Much Love

Danielle
kiss
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Depressed.

I Dunno what the hell is wrong with me thesedays!. I hate people alot and here i am on a dating site, i don't understand it. Well theres a certain person i hate really, shes in my class at college and she decided it was a good idea to boss me around yesterday. She isn't a teaching assistant yet so i told her to shut her face and sit down lol! rolling on the floor laughing

So all hell broke loose and we we're just shouting at eachother and eventually she storms out, later she comes back in and calls me a youngster when talking to someone...So i turned around and said im like 2 years older than you ya flid laugh but those kinda people make everyones life a misery...even mine. very mad

Worst of all with the weather picking up i hate it because i get hayfever, and that makes my day worse.

I have my may prom soon and i can't wait, my mothers making my dress as shes a qualified dress maker but doesn't actually work in the sewing industry. Its going to be blue satin :D

Omg, i saw karl yesterdaysmitten I got another hug but nothing else. Im assuming the meet with the girl went well...blasst!!...Well i think its because he was late for lessons or something. But someone else has took a fancy to me i think...Trouble is he's only 15crying ..Now that'd be an age gap and a half if we got together...But he's very funny and i like him lol!

Well thanks for listening/reading my ramble.

Much Love

Brunetteeen18
kiss
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I Don't Get It..

..Well my interview went horribly, i didn't say anything negetive likw i thought i would of done. But their not sure wether they want me on level 2 now, but the co-ordinator told me that if i was good on this level i would get an automatic place with no questions asked.

So as you can imagine i got so upset that i basically cried my eyes out in front of everyone, i was quite embarassed but at the same time i was hoping that would win me the "Commited, i really mean it" sympathy vote but i will wait and see this tuesdayuh oh

Did i tell everyone how nice my ex was to me yesterday?..Some weirdo on my msn called me a slag and yes i got really upset and told my ex and he said that i was gorgeous and not to let anyone tell me otherwise...My heart just meltedsmitten ...Why did we split up?dunno

Well i should be getting my assignment done since its got to be in for Tuesday and im no way near finished lol!.

Love always
Danielle
xxx
hug
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I HATE YOU!!

College is driving my absolutely bonkers at the moment!

Tomorrow i have my second year interview tomorrow at 11.15AM and part of me knows im going to mess it up, i just can't keep the negetive thoughts in my head so one way or another im going to end up blurting something out i can feel it.

yesterday was such a hard day, i hardly had two minutes to sit down and rest my feet. I was helping with the displays and running around after people. Worst day was Tuesday because i had my first unit report and they told me that i needed to be more commited to my training...Oh my god i felt like punchin' the cow!!.

I have 97% Attendance...If that isn't commitment then what is it?.

That and i haven't heard about my work placement yet and im suppost to be going in May...And if i find out that their messin' me around then im seriously going to go ape Sh*t!very mad

Apart from that everything was as crap as i left it bascially, i hung around with my friend yesterday and we went boy spottin...God i love emo guys with their black fringes and their snake bite piercin's...Makes me tingle hehe!!smitten ...Why cant a have one :(

Well thank you for listening to me moan :)
Much Love..?
-Brunetteteen18
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