You Can't always Get What You Want...

In my own limited experience of dating and relationships I have come up with a theory. People are their own worst enemies. We never accept or appreciate what we have, and sabotage good things because we think the grass may be greener on the other side.

Men are attracted to sexy, beautiful woman who may fit their own fantasies. These women are often unattainable but we go after them anyway. The slightly plainer women are often ignored, even though they may be better people, better matches for us and could make us happy. We sacrifice these potentially fulfilling relationships on an idea.

I can't really speak for women without making assumptions, but I have seen them do the same. I have seen girls dump nice guys who treat them well for bad boys. These bad boys are probably more exciting, but often treat the girls like dirt, taking advantage of them all the time.

I'm aware that we can't really help who we are attracted to. Hormones and what society tells us are hard things to fight. I know that nice people, male or female, can come across as boring. I just feel if we were prepared to accept the nice people, we would be happier and have a lot less heartache.

"... If you try sometimes you get what you need"
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Comments (19)

I find myself attracted to a particular type, a female doesn't need to be attractive in the conventional sense for me, but if she fits what I'm looking for and is attractive in my eyes, then thats all that matters. Attractivness in this term is coupled with personality. Likewise with physical appearance, I'm atttracted to a certain type of personality.

However a woman that ticks those two boxes can be disregarded if she doesn't tick the third which is career orientated. I have a simple system, if she ticks 1 out of 3 for me, it's a no go, 2 out of 3 and it's a date, 3 out of 3 and it's potentional to live happily ever after. I've never found the perfect 3/3 although I did give one ex a 2.5/3 she dumped me though I would have kept her, if I'm lucky I'll obtain a 2/3 at the end of the day but alas I will always long for a 3/3, and sure why not? If the grass is greener on the other side I'm going to want to graze on it.

That doesn't mean to say I'd abscond on a girl for a slightly better model. Slightly better in terms of career/looks/personality but rest assured the mind will always portray infidelity. At the end of a day, One can always wonder at the lost oppurtunities and what could have been cheers
You are so right Halygon365.. Good Blog

That is often exactly how things seem to be.... with people only looking at the cover and not what's inside... Beauty is only skindeep. You are right, maybe if we didn't get so hung up on physical attraction and take the trouble to get to know someone for who they are, rather than how they look, then a lot more people would be happier and stay happier too!
I definitely agree with you. Just be thankful of what you have.Oprah's quotation: Be thankful of what you have;you'll end up having more. If you concentrate of what you don't have , you will never, ever have enough..
not really if u were Al Capone, u would have always got it your way ...


cheers
I totally agree with you, but that only fits superficial people, those that give money, position and looks more importance over character and inner beauty. Just learn to recognize them and avoid them like the plague, they'll waist your time, money, and energy.
thumbs up cheers grin
lol there are some truths there however the same applies to men! You say they are attracted to sexy, beautiful woman and you deem them to be unfaithful? I'm a good looking chick doesn't make me feel the need to be unfaithful because I can... I also may be considered plain to you but seriously every woman/mans idea of beauty vary... so ''plain'' don't insult us ladies out there your idea of plain may be another mans beauty..... Also at some stage in every relantionship people will be faced with the idea of ''cheating'' however its perfectly normal to be flattered by a flirt or attention the onus is on the individual to make this choice not because of ''beauty''. FROM MY EXPERIENCE PEOPLE THAT ARE UNFAITHFUL CHEAT AS THEY ARE ALREADY UNHAPPY IN THERE RELANTIONSHIP, AND LIKELY TO MAKE THIS MISTAKE RATHER THEN BELIEVE THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE AND ALSO FEAR... OF ENDING SOMETHING THAT ONCE WAS GOOD....


Regarding nice guy vs bad guy I will say this...

Women!! love nothing better then a challenge.... we just love to love the ''arseholes'' of this world don't we....

I think the fact that we are such emotional creatures that any man this displays litte or no emotion whatsoever is the one that we'll ultimately have us fall in love, worship them, cry over blah blah blah

All women whether they like to admit this or not love the challenge of meeting a man and making him fall head over heels in love with us (of course in our Imagination...) until one day we grow up and realise that we actually would liked to be liked, appreciated, worshipped, adored, loved etc etc

We stick to the nice guy in the end bad guys actually do lose out they will have lots of women but in the end they will become lonely and regret the countless lovely women they have met and been lucky enough to have been worshipped, loved by them will eventually run dry and as they've grown up and moved on they'll be the ones learning to love themselves.... and may just be lucky to be able to move forward and be loved by a chick!!
Wow Craized, didn't expect this much anger! I never said that beautiful women were more likely to cheat, in fact I never mentioned cheating at all!. I said that beautiful women were often unattainable. The idea that "I could do better" is a very damaging one

I also said "slightly plainer". This does not imply that I said that anyone who is not a Goddess is not beautiful. I accept that mens taste vary, but I was talking about a generalisation of what society deems to be beautiful.

The point I'm trying to make is that people go after an unrealistic ideal that doesn't exist. We never appreciate what we have until. its gone. I accept that nobody should stay in a relationship that isn't working or abusive. I'm trying to say that
attitude that "I could do better" is a very damaging one when applied to healthy relationships
In fact, the more beautiful a woman/man is, the more likely she/he is to cheat and this makes sense statistically ... please bare with me .. its not a matter of opinion but a statistical FACT so if your opinion differs, then you're opinion is total crap ... WRONG TOP TO BOTOM.


cheers.
so 10k, since you were rated a '6' by the CS population....how likely are you to cheat? laugh

Theres no way to pull accurate statistics on something like cheating coupled with 'good looks'.....many times the cheater wont even admit it, and looking good is rather subjective. Now it may be likely that the better looking someone is, the more opportunities they have to cheat, but, I really think that is a stretch of a statement to say the least.

doh
good looks can be graded and it has been done many mnay times .. google that out and u'll have u're answer...


cheeers with a triple e
Halycon - I like your blog - well said.

handshake wine bouquet


It is way too late for me to be more erudite!.....

sleep
Anyone remember the words to the song by Trini Lopez.....
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
Don't make a pretty woman your wife" ??
Pretty much sums it up!!
from my personal point of view get a ugly girl to marry you.wine laugh peace
To Blackhawk,
I like your opinion! I AM UGLY!!!!. so do i get a chance to meet good guys. Too bad i am too OLD for you he!he!he!. Joke only/.

To the blog;
It is a good blog HALYCON, but this topic has been going on for ages. Yes people has the tendency to go after that are pretty, good looks, money, and popularity. Everything that glitters are not exactly real. But people are too materialistic, superficial, and they want everything that is good, cuz it's good for their "EGO". The bad looking, or simple person get overlook sometimes cuz nothing is exciting for her/him. Very few of this people look for the true beauty, and who are these people?. they're the one's that are not materialistic and superficial. They look in someone's inner beauty than the outside and physical beauty.handshake
I think a "TRUE BEAUTY IS ON THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER".
Liza
hi lovelyliza not my opinion just the lyrics to the song. laugh i don't wanna work wanna play on the drums all day . i like that one better .grin peace
ha ha ha obviously I misread this but ah sure it left a topic of conversation regardless....
its not beautiful girl wud more like 2be cheat, its that sumtimes guy prefer flirting wit nice girl. and yeh, u r right, wen they got wt they want, then guys dump 2another one, girls get hurt, sumtimes they jst return like 4like, lol, i mean 4sum ppl
so treasure the nice ppl around u
its not beautiful girl wud more like 2be cheat, its that sumtimes guy prefer flirting wit nice girl. and yeh, u r right, wen they got wt they want, then guys dump 2another one, girls get hurt, sumtimes they jst return like 4like, lol, i mean 4sum ppl
so treasure the nice ppl around u
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created Jul 2010
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