SHE'S GETTING A FISH SHOW

Missing the bluest, most gorgeous ocean of Hawaii.

No, it is not my motherland, but a lot of people think of my olive skin and dark hair that i'm Hawaiian

I am actually a white girl from Michigan. born and raised.

I am transporting myself to Hawaii in my mind a lot these days. Living there for 2 years was one of the most blessed times of my life.

The year round 80 degree weather and beaches within 20 minutes of anywhere. As someone perpetually attracted to water, it was heaven, it was medicine for the blues, and it was home.

Floating on my back, looking up at the bluest of skies.

Snorkeling in Waikiki and also in one of the world's natural coral reefs Hanauma bay was no less than AMAZING.

a homeless man who was out on the pier in waikiki threw me some cut up salmon, hot dogs and bread to feed the fish.

"break it up under the water in front of your mask!" he instructed.

When I did so, the warm current suddenly swirled to life in front of me with colors of beautiful fish, all friendly.

The man laughed excitedly to those tourists watching, "she's getting a fish show!!!"

To snorkle for me was to become one with them. You can breathe as a fish. move as a fish on the warm current, and float on top of the ocean, to watch in wonder, nearly 10 feet below you.

Like I said~~ Medicine.
For I am hurting from the load of work right now and responsibility, which ironically is a lot LESS than what I had as a foster mom in Hawaii.


For even then I cared for sick babies,
babies born addicted to crystal meth,
children who'd been sexually abused
kids who'd been living in a tent.

Right now,emotionally, believe it or not, the "blue skies" elude me. I am trying to make sense of why I left Hawaii but I CAN NOT.
I am trying to make sense of why I came to California, but I CAN NOT.
What seemed like grass is greener over here, was really,
the grass is watered artificially by sprinklers,
giving the illusion of green,


and the rest is on fire. Metaphorically speaking.


There's a teensy bit of respite now and then.

I thank God for that.