Thoughts..........
My thoughts are not profound or unique to me alone therefore I shall have no fear in sharing them. I have been touched by loss so great that my heart has taken years to recover and yet will forever be changed. All though the pain of that lost has shaped and shifted over the years and resurfaced with each new hurt, it continues to remind me that I am only human. Being human is a constant reminder of my mortality and that time is never promised or deserved. I spent this Christmas evening alone and lonely throwing a huge pity party. I picked up a hamburger to go at Denny's and watched tear jerker movies, my semi-self imposed isolation was wearing on my delicate sensibilities. My feelings were raw and deeply painful and I felt incredibly alone. I wanted to reach out to someone, anyone but better yet I wanted the ones I love, to reach out to me. As if somehow through telekinesis, my loved ones would read my thoughts and sense my loneliness and jump into rescue my broken heart! As the night has worn on and my overly active mind has wondered into places that I often lock deep inside....The shame of my selfish self pity and thoughtless indulgence in depression has emerged. How lucky that I have my children, grandchildren and other loved ones, present on this earth, friends to call true, a home that is truly blessed and more material things than I deserve. How lucky that I have my health, my eyes, my thoughts. I can speak my mind and write my thoughts with out fear of persecution. I have plenty of food to eat, a car to drive, a career and I have my life.So as I end this Christmas night I would like to share one last thought with you.....
If you have not counted all of your blessing tonight, you should.
I did........
Merry Christmas all!
Comments (2)
Heart renching thoughts went through my head over xmas, and although I enjoyed it as I was with my son, in a way im glad its over as I much prefer new year time, more cheerfull and exciteing...well, we all ave our own deep personal thoughts and memories and we should hold on to them, but not be controlled by them..I watched my grandchildren on web cam xmas day, thats the nearest I could get, but atleast I had that, jut to see their little excited faces , yet again.
Well I hope all who read this have a Fantastic New Yearand a great 2008, and look forward to chating with more of you over next few weeks or months, go on, im me, id love a chatter...love zira xx