Security levels.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level form "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A bit cross". The English have not been "A bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when the tea supplies nearly ran out. Terorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A bloody nuisance".
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed off" to "Lets get the bastards". They don;t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two levels higher in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a fire that destoyed the white flag factoray, effectively paralyzing the countrys military capabality.
The Germans have increased their alert status from "Disdainful arrogance" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs" They also have higher levels; "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".
The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are excited to see their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautiful designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can see the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey I think we"ll have to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted the use of the final escalation level.

A final thought "Greece is collapsing, The Iranians are getting aggresive and Rome is in disarry. Welcome back to 430 BC".
With many thanks to John Cleese.