I asked God for a bike...and not to let the world

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole the bike and asked for forgiveness.

In preparing my chistmas/end of the world gift list, I found this year that I was drawn to several surivalist sites which sold everything from freeze dried food, water containers and equipment to help you last for weeks at a time. I was shocked that not a single one of those reputible sites had on hand a Zombie infestation survival kit. It contains a shark suit divers wear to prevent sharks from biting their skin and a machete. Bullets run out too quick and most people just waste bullets trying to blow zombie brains out. A machete does the trick, but you have to practice first. Nothing worse than a horde of zombies coming at you and you get your blade stuck in the skull of one of the undead.

Here are the things I plan to do in preparation for the end of the world:

1. I will not quit my job (in case 2500 year old mayans were wrong)
2. I will take December 21st as a holiday (in case 2500 year old mayans were right)
3. I will acquire a pet for the kids (one that is not neutered and can therefore provide a sustaining food source... again, in case the mayans were right. If they were wrong, snip snip)
4. I will make sure all the laundry is done (because when the apocolypse comes I have a strong feeling that electricity costs are going to be horrific and I want to make sure I have clean underwear for a few weeks)
5. I will buy the last few boxes of twinkees on the gas station store shelf... you know, long term food stuffs

If the world does in fact not end on December 21st, I will give the gift of clean laundry to my family. Also, expect twinkees in your stockings. Also, I will be hiding the machete in the garden shed...you never know when a zombie might come barging through the peonese bush.