A Matter of Attraction

What attracts you? Not just for friends, fun, even a fling; what do find the most and least attractive things about another person? Now the hard one … what do you do when you are not attracted to a person that is showing obvious interests in you of a more romantic nature?

Now I have to laugh a bit because my mirror is working just fine and I know from appearance down to firsthand experience, the only attraction I have to offer is that six inches that is found between my ears. The hair is gone, the weight is too high, I limp because an old military injury, and I have a few habits that simply make me less appealing to the opposite sex. Oh sure, I have a few that are genuinely interested, but either I don’t share their interests or there is some other missing chemistry that just isn’t there … and I am way past the age of pretending or leading a person on for my own simple benefit.

I have friends, good friends that are well intentioned constantly trying to fix me up. I try to appease them but flatly refuse to be put in that awkward position of a blind date. I’ve seen too many feelings hurt, ego’s crushed, and a few other things to do that to myself and certainly not to do that to another person. In my part of the country there is no such thing as the old ice cream social or singles night out or any of those other events you could bump into people, share a nice conversation and if you hit it off, you had something to do together right then and there. The convenience without all that awkwardness.

But back to the real subject. How to you tell a person you think they are a nice person but unfortunately there just isn’t that attraction to cause you to want more? Personally, if I find nothing offensive I will probably go out with them a few times doing something fun, not awkward, being careful to make sure we are both comfortable and not feeling like there are any hidden signals or that sort of high school stuff. So … what do you say and how do you say it? I have always believed that honestly is the best policy but a good bit of discretion and politeness are absolutes, even mandatory. Nobody likes to be rejected or to have to be in the position to reject somebody that is very nice, but there simply isn’t that spark. Oh yeah, it’s tough, so tough and the possible fallout can be terrifying. Of course, the shoe is often on the other foot when I find somebody I’m attracted to and I can see in their eyes that they really feel “on the spot”. I make it a point of smiling at them and telling them “it’s OK, I can see it in your eyes and I’m not going to be a heal about it. Thanks for your time, I promise not to bother you further”. The look of relief says it all … even if it hurts me.

I have one friend that I’ve know for thirty years now. She is by far one of the nicest, most considerate people I know and if there was any romantic attraction I would marry her in a heartbeat. But it isn’t there and believe me I have search and searched my soul thinking I must be missing something., but that ‘spark’ just isn’t there and every time we chat on the phone it’s always fun but I can feel that she wants something more. We’ve talked about it at length and she knows that I think the world of her, but I just don’t think it’s right to enter into a relationship where only one person might be in love. Been there, done that, and paid a heavy price for it.

And the web sites? Oh God, there are so many scammers out there now how would you know even if somebody showed some genuine interest? I spent a few bucks on one more well known one that promises you the moon, only to be fixed up with a “might want to convert” lesbian. LOL … talk about a blow to the male masculinity!
Humanity … I’m afraid that’s another one that is disappearing quickly. It’s a wonder that men & women can even get together any longer!