Love is selfish (209)
ApostopheBoksburg, Gauteng South Africa64 Threads 1,937 PostsSometimes love just isn't love.
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OK - it's official - i killed the thread - the thread killer struck again.
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Sommerauer71: A.
My apologies, I did not mean it like that at all. I meant in the sense to know more about Buddhism. My knowledge is lacking in that area. When I say study, I mean study Buddhism, not like taking a course say in German.
Better explained?
My apologies, I did not mean it like that at all. I meant in the sense to know more about Buddhism. My knowledge is lacking in that area. When I say study, I mean study Buddhism, not like taking a course say in German.
Better explained?
I know what u meant somm - maybe i'm being a bit exclusive, you see the thing with me is that i gained my knowledge through great personal trauma.
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CaptainBeirutIII: Since we're not agreeing on the use of that word in every example here and I can't come up with that bloody word I'm still looking for, I can only asnwer no.
I don't see neither as selfish. She was desperate not to loose her husband, he was desperate to not end his life in a hospital bed but get one last great view of the world.
She would have been selfish if she went to court and got an made herself legal guardian over him then forced him to stay, and he would have been selfish if he dumped her on the spot.
I don't see neither as selfish. She was desperate not to loose her husband, he was desperate to not end his life in a hospital bed but get one last great view of the world.
She would have been selfish if she went to court and got an made herself legal guardian over him then forced him to stay, and he would have been selfish if he dumped her on the spot.
She was not selfish, no. But some of her behaviour was. When she demanded that he return home.
He was sefish in that his response to her, he went off and left her at home worried to death about him. That was selfish behaviour. Doesn't mean he did not care, he wanted to go and do things and she was worried about him and his health. She did not want him to go.
But then the selfishness and the love was blended so well together, because when he went home, was she not pleased to see him?
Of course she was, he had forgiven her, she had forgiven him. The film would not have been so moving had all areas of emotions displayed.
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Apostophe: OK - it's official - i killed the thread - the thread killer struck again.
No, you didn't. We got a bit sidetracked by a Rebel. 
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Apostophe: I know what u meant somm - maybe i'm being a bit exclusive, you see the thing with me is that i gained my knowledge through great personal trauma.
Which is the way I would 'study' it, as I studied my own behaviour through my counselling and my self appointed exile.
I have been intrigued about Buddhism for many years. Maybe you could help me with that?
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druidess6308: No, you didn't. We got a bit sidetracked by a Rebel.
Phew! A relief!
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If love is selfish, I can not wait to be as selfish as I can be.
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Sommerauer71: Which is the way I would 'study' it, as I studied my own behaviour through my counselling and my self appointed exile.
I have been intrigued about Buddhism for many years. Maybe you could help me with that?
I have been intrigued about Buddhism for many years. Maybe you could help me with that?
Unfortunately no i can't, like i said - great personal trauma and i had no say in the matter - it was a natural progression of what was happening at the time.
Up to that point i had read certain books haphazardly and at the last the Poet - Breyten Breytenbach - from my country and our Continent.
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Sommerauer71: She was not selfish, no. But some of her behaviour was. When she demanded that he return home.
He was sefish in that his response to her, he went off and left her at home worried to death about him. That was selfish behaviour. Doesn't mean he did not care, he wanted to go and do things and she was worried about him and his health. She did not want him to go.
But then the selfishness and the love was blended so well together, because when he went home, was she not pleased to see him?
Of course she was, he had forgiven her, she had forgiven him. The film would not have been so moving had all areas of emotions displayed.
He was sefish in that his response to her, he went off and left her at home worried to death about him. That was selfish behaviour. Doesn't mean he did not care, he wanted to go and do things and she was worried about him and his health. She did not want him to go.
But then the selfishness and the love was blended so well together, because when he went home, was she not pleased to see him?
Of course she was, he had forgiven her, she had forgiven him. The film would not have been so moving had all areas of emotions displayed.
I've come to the conclusion that for me what we have talked about here, we both have been giving examples of, can not be describe with one single word.
I think that's where I have struggled.
You think of it, various examples in life, that it is one word, selfish, and that it sometimes can be a good thing to be selfish.
Well, I think selfish is never a good thing, and that the times you do something for yourself is not what you are being, you have behavior which is towards it, however, it becomes something else and not exactly selfishness.
Self-indulgence is another which might hint at selfishness, but is not.
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If love is selfish, I can not wait to be as selfish as I can be.[/quote]
I'm already there....I'm the most selfish person I know.
I'm already there....I'm the most selfish person I know.
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Apostophe: Unfortunately no i can't, like i said - great personal trauma and i had no say in the matter - it was a natural progression of what was happening at the time.
Up to that point i had read certain books haphazardly and at the last the Poet - Breyten Breytenbach - from my country and our Continent.
Up to that point i had read certain books haphazardly and at the last the Poet - Breyten Breytenbach - from my country and our Continent.
So, any good reading recommendations would be helping me.
When you say you had no say? You felt naturally drawn to it?
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love aint selfish PEOPLE are tho !!
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Sommerauer71: So, any good reading recommendations would be helping me.
When you say you had no say? You felt naturally drawn to it?
When you say you had no say? You felt naturally drawn to it?
For me it was as if my whole life lead up to that point.
A good read is definately - Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzche.
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Apostophe: For me it was as if my whole life lead up to that point.A good read is definately - Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzche.
Gosh, I am fascinated now, A.
So you were drawn as opposed to making a decision? This is what you telling me?
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Natural progression.
Gotta colour my hair if i want to go out tonight.
Enjoy the fun and games with The Devil's Advocate...
Gotta colour my hair if i want to go out tonight.
Enjoy the fun and games with The Devil's Advocate...
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Wow, five pages so far and still no one has picked up on the one basic tenent that the thread title omits:
Love is not and cannot be selfish. Only people can be selfish. People can love for selfish reasons, but that does not make love itself selfish - It only means that they are cheating themselves out of some of love's glory by being selfish.
People can do things for selfish reasons, but that does make the things they do selfish. It only illustrates that the actions they take are done for selfish reasons.
By definition, selfishness cannot be applied to actions, thoughts, or inanimate objects, but only to the people who interact with those things or use those things to interact in a selfish manner.
Love is not selfish. It cannot be and never has been. Only people are selfish and if they somehow become lucky enough to love completely then even their selfish traits are diminished to the point of negation. To remain selfish in love is to never learn to love completely...
Love is not and cannot be selfish. Only people can be selfish. People can love for selfish reasons, but that does not make love itself selfish - It only means that they are cheating themselves out of some of love's glory by being selfish.
People can do things for selfish reasons, but that does make the things they do selfish. It only illustrates that the actions they take are done for selfish reasons.
By definition, selfishness cannot be applied to actions, thoughts, or inanimate objects, but only to the people who interact with those things or use those things to interact in a selfish manner.
Love is not selfish. It cannot be and never has been. Only people are selfish and if they somehow become lucky enough to love completely then even their selfish traits are diminished to the point of negation. To remain selfish in love is to never learn to love completely...
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Sommerauer71: And I am not the first person to say it.
Anybody care to discuss this notion?
It is selfish in a good way, cutting ourselves off from being with other people, in that we are with one person. We are selfish.
We see selfish as a bad word, but it is not, selfish can be good.
Thoughts oh wise ones.
Anybody care to discuss this notion?
It is selfish in a good way, cutting ourselves off from being with other people, in that we are with one person. We are selfish.
We see selfish as a bad word, but it is not, selfish can be good.
Thoughts oh wise ones.
its selfish agree, been there (when i was a bit younger
) wanted to just spend most of the time together, negleted friends. when we broke, i had to start looking for friends 
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Hey, Sommer!
I've thought about this quite a bit over the last year and a half, when I've done things out of love that badly hurt people. The basic thing about romantic love (what you're referring to, I think) is that unlike virtually every human action, which can have compassion or kindness as the central motive, romantic love cannot rest on compassion or charity or kindness or altruism or any other of the traditionally described "noble" emotions. It can certain involve compassion and kindness, but those are not the chief emotions. The main emotion, I think, is the selfish desire to possess, meld with, be with - in other words, to have an exclusive claim on that person (and vice versa).
I've thought about this quite a bit over the last year and a half, when I've done things out of love that badly hurt people. The basic thing about romantic love (what you're referring to, I think) is that unlike virtually every human action, which can have compassion or kindness as the central motive, romantic love cannot rest on compassion or charity or kindness or altruism or any other of the traditionally described "noble" emotions. It can certain involve compassion and kindness, but those are not the chief emotions. The main emotion, I think, is the selfish desire to possess, meld with, be with - in other words, to have an exclusive claim on that person (and vice versa).
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In response to: We see selfish as a bad word, but it is not, selfish can be good.
Thoughts oh wise ones.
Thoughts oh wise ones.
Ever hear this comment? "It's all about you!".....
My Ex used to say that when she didn't get her way....Somehow
things got turned around.....
*When isn't love selfish? Aren't we all really just looking out
for ourselves? So what we decide to give & what we hold back depends on
what we want for ourselves....*
What about selfish in a good way?
"I'll help you with the dishes, dear.".....Doesn't sound selfish to
me....but it is selfish as I want the deepest love I can create &
helping out with my partner is one of the good selfish experiences....
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