On Being Friends (140)
it is only possible to keep it collegial after you have met, if you have kept it collegial before you meet too.....no good getting all hot and heavy when you don't even know wether there will be any chemistry at all when you finally meet.....it's the first great online dating mistake to be avoided at all costs......
it is only possible to keep it collegial after you have met, if you have kept it collegial before you meet too.....no good getting all hot and heavy when you don't even know wether there will be any chemistry at all when you finally meet.....it's the first great online dating mistake to be avoided at all costs......
Amaryllis: Hi folks!
Did you ever find it possible to be friends with somebody you met online after meeting in real life and one or both of you have determined that the sparks were non-existent?
Your opinions, please.
Did you ever find it possible to be friends with somebody you met online after meeting in real life and one or both of you have determined that the sparks were non-existent?
Your opinions, please.
yes i have made several friends here .....Lago is right on that one you must meet as friends with no expectations of anything more and the result is often great its making a new friend...... 
Lagoona22: it is only possible to keep it collegial after you have met, if you have kept it collegial before you meet too.....no good getting all hot and heavy when you don't even know wether there will be any chemistry at all when you finally meet.....it's the first great online dating mistake to be avoided at all costs......
Yes, it's true. You're right.
It is a very difficult situation when you have corresponded with someone for quite a long time and you thought you really have a connection, only to find out that it is not so when you meet him in real life.
As I am already very old, I know exactly what I want. So I can tell right away if the sparks are there or not.. or at least a possibility that it could be more..
ghost007: yes i have made several friends here .....Lago is right on that one you must meet as friends with no expectations of anything more and the result is often great its making a new friend......
So it is possible..
The best thing to do then is probably to meet the person as soon as possible..
The reason I did not do that is that I would like to know first what kind of person I am corresponding with, just to have a glimpse on what kind of character he has, or his values, or his way of thinking, before I meet him. I found out those things do not really matter if the chemistry is not there.
I would have liked to have them as friends, but it was not possible. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but for me, it's either I feel it or I don't. It would be unfair to lead them on, don't you think?
Amaryllis: So it is possible..
The best thing to do then is probably to meet the person as soon as possible..
The reason I did not do that is that I would like to know first what kind of person I am corresponding with, just to have a glimpse on what kind of character he has, or his values, or his way of thinking, before I meet him. I found out those things do not really matter if the chemistry is not there.
I would have liked to have them as friends, but it was not possible. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but for me, it's either I feel it or I don't. It would be unfair to lead them on, don't you think?
The best thing to do then is probably to meet the person as soon as possible..
The reason I did not do that is that I would like to know first what kind of person I am corresponding with, just to have a glimpse on what kind of character he has, or his values, or his way of thinking, before I meet him. I found out those things do not really matter if the chemistry is not there.
I would have liked to have them as friends, but it was not possible. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but for me, it's either I feel it or I don't. It would be unfair to lead them on, don't you think?
There is no need to meet the other person 'as soon as possible' - I met my last wife after we'd known each other for a couple of years as friends via the internet............ in fact, I wish we'd never met and were still 'just friends'!
Amaryllis: Hi folks!
Did you ever find it possible to be friends with somebody you met online after meeting in real life and one or both of you have determined that the sparks were non-existent?
So far, I haven't.
If you have been in such a situation, what are your views?
Do you think it would be better not to tell the other person right away that you do not feel anything special?
Your opinions, please.
Did you ever find it possible to be friends with somebody you met online after meeting in real life and one or both of you have determined that the sparks were non-existent?
So far, I haven't.
If you have been in such a situation, what are your views?
Do you think it would be better not to tell the other person right away that you do not feel anything special?
Your opinions, please.
I think you can only remain friends, if you are BOTH in the same place, i.e. one of you wasnt more emotionally involved than the otehr. If one party is still feeling resentful, and still full of hurt feelings, etc, going back to having a purely friendship based relationship after meeting and possibly having intimacy, is almost impossible.
Burnt bridges, and all that.
Sometimes, you just HAVE to cut the tie completely, to avoid further angst..
petalbabe: I think you can only remain friends, if you are BOTH in the same place, i.e. one of you wasnt more emotionally involved than the otehr. If one party is still feeling resentful, and still full of hurt feelings, etc, going back to having a purely friendship based relationship after meeting and possibly having intimacy, is almost impossible.
Burnt bridges, and all that.
Sometimes, you just HAVE to cut the tie completely, to avoid further angst..
Burnt bridges, and all that.
Sometimes, you just HAVE to cut the tie completely, to avoid further angst..
A sensible post!
RobertC2: There is no need to meet the other person 'as soon as possible' - I met my last wife after we'd known each other for a couple of years as friends via the internet............ in fact, I wish we'd never met and were still 'just friends'!
Well, you sound as if you have regrets ..
If that is the case, would it not have been better if you met her sooner, then you could just have continued as friends afterwards, without any regrets?
Amaryllis: Well, you sound as if you have regrets ..
If that is the case, would it not have been better if you met her sooner, then you could just have continued as friends afterwards, without any regrets?
If that is the case, would it not have been better if you met her sooner, then you could just have continued as friends afterwards, without any regrets?
knowing Rusty, I think it might be the wife who has the regrets ..
I don't really agree with any of the stuff being said here .. pretend to be meeting as friends but hoping something else might happen .. isn't that just kinda false? .. If a woman I was interested in said she wanted to meet just as friends, I think I'd tell her not to bother .. I have friends thanks .. it's a lady I'm looking for .. if I met her and either of us realized it wasn't what we wanted .. that'd be fine by me .. it's just part of being an adult ..
petalbabe: I think you can only remain friends, if you are BOTH in the same place, i.e. one of you wasnt more emotionally involved than the otehr. If one party is still feeling resentful, and still full of hurt feelings, etc, going back to having a purely friendship based relationship after meeting and possibly having intimacy, is almost impossible.
Burnt bridges, and all that.
Sometimes, you just HAVE to cut the tie completely, to avoid further angst..
Burnt bridges, and all that.
Sometimes, you just HAVE to cut the tie completely, to avoid further angst..
Hi petalbabe!
Yes, that was actually what I did afterwards because it was indeed impossible to become friends. And it does make sense..
You're right, it's better to cut the tie completely.
Thanks!
P.S. Sorry, I didn't see this earlier. I responded to Robert's post and didn't notice the last two posts before my response till now.
Amaryllis: Hi petalbabe!
Yes, that was actually what I did afterwards because it was indeed impossible to become friends. And it does make sense..
You're right, it's better to cut the tie completely.
Thanks!
P.S. Sorry, I didn't see this earlier. I responded to Robert's post and didn't notice the last two posts before my response till now.
Yes, that was actually what I did afterwards because it was indeed impossible to become friends. And it does make sense..
You're right, it's better to cut the tie completely.
Thanks!
P.S. Sorry, I didn't see this earlier. I responded to Robert's post and didn't notice the last two posts before my response till now.
guiriman: knowing Rusty, I think it might be the wife who has the regrets ..
I don't really agree with any of the stuff being said here .. pretend to be meeting as friends but hoping something else might happen .. isn't that just kinda false? .. If a woman I was interested in said she wanted to meet just as friends, I think I'd tell her not to bother .. I have friends thanks .. it's a lady I'm looking for .. if I met her and either of us realized it wasn't what we wanted .. that'd be fine by me .. it's just part of being an adult ..
I don't really agree with any of the stuff being said here .. pretend to be meeting as friends but hoping something else might happen .. isn't that just kinda false? .. If a woman I was interested in said she wanted to meet just as friends, I think I'd tell her not to bother .. I have friends thanks .. it's a lady I'm looking for .. if I met her and either of us realized it wasn't what we wanted .. that'd be fine by me .. it's just part of being an adult ..
Hi guiri!
Well, I actually changed my profile description because I thought I must have been doing something wrong.
That's why I stated now there that I would want to be friends first to avoid expectations, like Lago and Ghost said earlier on. And if the guy is willing and determined enough to get to know me, it's up to him if he accepts that or not.
My intention is not to hurt anybody's feelings later on, should it turn out that the sparks are not there for me. It is of utmost importance that I have that special feeling.. and I think for a guy, too.
Amaryllis: Hi guiri!
Well, I actually changed my profile description because I thought I must have been doing something wrong.
That's why I stated now there that I would want to be friends first to avoid expectations, like Lago and Ghost said earlier on. And if the guy is willing and determined enough to get to know me, it's up to him if he accepts that or not.
My intention is not to hurt anybody's feelings later on, should it turn out that the sparks are not there for me. It is of utmost importance that I have that special feeling.. and I think for a guy, too.
Well, I actually changed my profile description because I thought I must have been doing something wrong.
That's why I stated now there that I would want to be friends first to avoid expectations, like Lago and Ghost said earlier on. And if the guy is willing and determined enough to get to know me, it's up to him if he accepts that or not.
My intention is not to hurt anybody's feelings later on, should it turn out that the sparks are not there for me. It is of utmost importance that I have that special feeling.. and I think for a guy, too.
and for every person on the planet I would hope .. but CS is a dating site not the local WI .. do you really think men can't cope with that stuff?
guiriman: and for every person on the planet I would hope .. but CS is a dating site not the local WI .. do you really think men can't cope with that stuff?
What is WI? And what stuff?
It is a matter of opinion, guiri. Lago and Ghost just said differently.
I thought so, too, at first - being in a dating site. But some people seem to think that once you started communicating with them, you have already a commitment to each other! And when you do finally meet, and you find out that the chemistry does not exist, they start acting that you deceived them or tricked them or something. And they feel very hurt!
So, I said to myself, would it be better then to start as friends?
Amaryllis: What is WI? And what stuff?
It is a matter of opinion, guiri. Lago and Ghost just said differently.
I thought so, too, at first - being in a dating site. But some people seem to think that once you started communicating with them, you have already a commitment to each other! And when you do finally meet, and you find out that the chemistry does not exist, they start acting that you deceived them or tricked them or something. And they feel very hurt!
So, I said to myself, would it be better then to start as friends?
It is a matter of opinion, guiri. Lago and Ghost just said differently.
I thought so, too, at first - being in a dating site. But some people seem to think that once you started communicating with them, you have already a commitment to each other! And when you do finally meet, and you find out that the chemistry does not exist, they start acting that you deceived them or tricked them or something. And they feel very hurt!
So, I said to myself, would it be better then to start as friends?
WI is where women make friends and 'that stuff' refers to you telling them there is no chemistry ..
people have no right to presume that you have made a commitment to them as soon as you start communicating and should learn to deal with it themselves .. If they feel hurt, they should remember they are adults and learn to cope in the adult world - this is my opinion, Ama ..
guiriman: WI is where women make friends and 'that stuff' refers to you telling them there is no chemistry ..
people have no right to presume that you have made a commitment to them as soon as you start communicating and should learn to deal with it themselves .. If they feel hurt, they should remember they are adults and learn to cope in the adult world - this is my opinion, Ama ..
people have no right to presume that you have made a commitment to them as soon as you start communicating and should learn to deal with it themselves .. If they feel hurt, they should remember they are adults and learn to cope in the adult world - this is my opinion, Ama ..
What can I do if I don't feel anything special? It's either you feel it or you don't..
OK, it's late. So I wish you a good night's rest.
Good night, guiri
Amaryllis: What can I do if I don't feel anything special? It's either you feel it or you don't..
OK, it's late. So I wish you a good night's rest.
Good night, guiri
OK, it's late. So I wish you a good night's rest.
Good night, guiri
where did I say anything different?
good night
I would hope after meeting the person you fondly like, it would turn out,.... but if it didnt im sure as there was a strong conection there enough to meet in the the first place im sure there would stil be a frienship and a bond still afterwards.
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Did you ever find it possible to be friends with somebody you met online after meeting in real life and one or both of you have determined that the sparks were non-existent?
So far, I haven't.
If you have been in such a situation, what are your views?
Do you think it would be better not to tell the other person right away that you do not feel anything special?
Your opinions, please.