Broken people ( Archived) (108)

I agree, good point!!

Hi Dru, good topic and much wisdom. Just want to comment further on the above. I kind of see what you mean but also we know a LTR can require a fair amount of investment of personal time, patience, consideration etc to maintain the status quo and keep the stimulus going to ensure harmony and happiness for both. So I don't think is all about focusing on one's self.

Now is the time to focus on ourselves, as many of us are doing here and filling a void, we have plenty time on our hands !

Another point on the "broken" topic. When a marriage fails and kids are involved it is not just the break down between a man and a woman, it is a whole family unit, a kind of state of being, a loving, bonding entity. A chosen way of life beyond the bonds of just two lovers. Losing this can hit as hard as a bereavement. It can never be brought back, it's gone, kaput, defunked.

This is a seperate issue really from relationships but it can be a factor and responsible for a negative and sadened persona.

For me, I am lucky and have a great single parent relationship with my kids as does my ex and we are always united regarding the welfare of our children. I don't fit into the catagory above anymore. My excuse for my present singledom is the reluctance of putting in all that effort again because time has proven that every attempt at long term love has failed in the past ..... now who here can disagree with that statement ?

Got the love batteries still on re-charge but doing ok and being patient, got some time to indulge in myself for the first time in my life really and kind of getting to like it and appreciating it's value, better not get into that habit too much or I'm done for romantically speaking perhaps. Time will tell.

A good point on the break-up of a family unit, and the feeling of loss that carries. I've been there, as well. Ten years now for that one...and thankfully, my sons and I still have a great relationship despite their father's attempts to drive wedges between us. But I haven't let it keep me in a saddened state...that's not healthy for me or my sons, and they want me to be happy again. I haven't let widowhood do that either, it's just not who I am. But I have learned to move slower.

Yes, every attempt at a LTR has failed for me in the past, but I'm a different person now than I was then. A much healthier one, though I still have some work to do. If we learn and grow from our past mistakes, then I believe we can move forward to enjoy a LTR again, and make it work this time.

I know what you mean about getting to like indulging in yourself for the first time, though. I am as well...and yet, I don't intend to remain off of the market for too long, just long enough to finish healing. As you said, I don't want to get too set in my ways and thereby have too much difficulty sharing my life again either. It's all about balance, my friend.

I would really like to Thank everyone for continuing this thread and sharing their experiences. I have learned alot. I firmly believe we learn about ourselves through other people.

Thank you again.

Excellent contribution!!!!

It took me seven years to get it together, and I am the better person for it. See if we are not happy with ourselves then we damn sure can not be happy with another person.

Sometimes it is hard to see how angry we are until someone else points it out. But then it is too late... feelings are crushed and hearts are broken.

I have always said, experiences make us grow.
I think being compassionate is not looking for misery is just a human feeling that we have.
I will not be with someone feeling pitty for him because that is not love.
Just accepting the person as he is. You can never fix someone to your expectations but both can work around things to make things happen for the better. When that can't happen their is no reason to be together.
I am in the healing process and definetly I won't be searching again until my heart tells me I'm ready.

If a vase is broken you can glue it back together.
But there's always a crack.

Hey dont bent over now I can see ur crack

The past, our experiences, and our broken hearts contribute to who we are. None of that can and will go away. How we elect to deal with it today and into tomorrow determines our mental happiness. It also places those "cracks" for all to see.

I am made up of my good experiences and the bad ones. The happy moments and my sad moments. None of us gets to go through life with only good ones.

I don't linger in the past. I live today and look forward to tomorrow, but not so much that I don't enjoy the journey on the way to it.