Introducing children to a new partner (28)
Wait until the kids are adults and have moved out..
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Glad I didn't have to worry about that!
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HJFinAZ: Wait until the kids are adults and have moved out..
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starshinebright: Glad I didn't have to worry about that!
DOn't go tryin to convince us you ain't got kids..
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HJFinAZ: DOn't go tryin to convince us you ain't got kids..
All in their 20's, all 4 of them 
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starshinebright: All in their 20's, all 4 of them
I figured out was causing them after 2..
Slow learner huh?
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It has been my experience, when starting to date a woman I ask if she has kids, how many, and WHERE do they live?
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I dont involve my kids in my dating, I dont keep it seckret but I dont involve them untill the relationship is verry secure, If my date is staying over for the night, do it when the kids are visiting the ex, It is not fare to the kids to put them threw that. same thin with kissing and smooching, A simple kiss hellow or good buy is one thing but all out making out should be private, If the kids are cold to your new partner Id talk to them about it, If they are upset because you should be with there other parrent then sorry the kids will just have to adjust but if they dont like the person because of how they are treated or gut feelings about that person then concider there feelings, kids can be very insightfull.
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starshinebright: Glad I didn't have to worry about that!
Ah, lucky you
I must admit, I have strained a couple of relationships because I wanted to wait and wait and wait before I introduced my new girlfriend to my kids. The problem was compounded at the time when my ex really wanted to be a part of my kid's life. I just wasn't ready and apparently dealt with the consequences.
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scoutmaster: I dont involve my kids in my dating, I dont keep it seckret but I dont involve them untill the relationship is verry secure, If my date is staying over for the night, do it when the kids are visiting the ex, It is not fare to the kids to put them threw that. same thin with kissing and smooching, A simple kiss hellow or good buy is one thing but all out making out should be private, If the kids are cold to your new partner Id talk to them about it, If they are upset because you should be with there other parrent then sorry the kids will just have to adjust but if they dont like the person because of how they are treated or gut feelings about that person then concider there feelings, kids can be very insightfull.
Agreed scoutmaster
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My 38 year old daughter absolutely refuses to fix me up with one of her "HOTTIE" friends.
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StressFree: How long do you wait before you introduce your children to a new partner? If you don't like to use time as a reference point, then how much deeply involved and stable do you need to feel with your new partner before you introduce your children to a new partner?
Other related questions:
- Do you keep your dating a secret or do you casually mention your new friend in conversations?
- Do you warn your children in advance if your new partner is staying over for the night?
- Do you kiss and smooch all over the place in front of your kids when your new partner is not yet a permanent part of your life?
- Do you worry that your children will be upset when you introduce them to a new partner?
- If your kids are cold to your new partner, how do you react to that?
Other related questions:
- Do you keep your dating a secret or do you casually mention your new friend in conversations?
- Do you warn your children in advance if your new partner is staying over for the night?
- Do you kiss and smooch all over the place in front of your kids when your new partner is not yet a permanent part of your life?
- Do you worry that your children will be upset when you introduce them to a new partner?
- If your kids are cold to your new partner, how do you react to that?
I wouldn't mind knowing about this either. I just started talking to someone that is about to be done with his divorce and has 2 kids that are 5 and 8. We've been friends for about 14 years and have always been very attracted to eachother and have always loved spending time together(no I'm not the reason for the divorce lol). He's very worried about how his kids would take it if he started seeing someone which is pretty much the only reason we are not together. The big thing is that the kids already know me as a friend of their dad's and adore me and my son.
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StressFree: Ah, lucky you
I must admit, I have strained a couple of relationships because I wanted to wait and wait and wait before I introduced my new girlfriend to my kids. The problem was compounded at the time when my ex really wanted to be a part of my kid's life. I just wasn't ready and apparently dealt with the consequences.
I must admit, I have strained a couple of relationships because I wanted to wait and wait and wait before I introduced my new girlfriend to my kids. The problem was compounded at the time when my ex really wanted to be a part of my kid's life. I just wasn't ready and apparently dealt with the consequences.
I don't think I would introduce the kids to a partner relationship, I guess it depends on the age of the kids. As a friend, I believed would have worked with mine. I know my kids had a hard time with dad's girlfriend, but they were always smooching in front of the kids etc. Thats a
. Again it depends on age, and how long the parents have been apart.------ This thread is Archived ------
danigirl587: I wouldn't mind knowing about this either. I just started talking to someone that is about to be done with his divorce and has 2 kids that are 5 and 8. We've been friends for about 14 years and have always been very attracted to eachother and have always loved spending time together(no I'm not the reason for the divorce lol). He's very worried about how his kids would take it if he started seeing someone which is pretty much the only reason we are not together. The big thing is that the kids already know me as a friend of their dad's and adore me and my son.
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RobertC2 relays this:
A minimum of ten years sounds sensible!
Hmmm...unique situation there danigirl.
It appears that he wants to wait a little longer or much longer before he introduces anyone to his kids considering that his divorce is about to be finalized. Although the kids know you as a friend and adore you, the issue lies with this man who you are "talking to". He doesn't feel comfortable just yet with the idea of having a woman enter his family on that level.
I've found that assuming how the kids will respond to a new partner is just that---assuming. We don't know how the kids will feel about the idea unless we talk to them first and let them know how special this new partner is and that it does not mean she is a new mother for them---but a new friend for them. My daughter (9 years) is always urging me to get a new girlfriend so she can have a new friend, she encourages it. Somehow, the understanding has to reach the kids that a single parent can be and needs to be in love with a new partner and that partner is not in any way a threat to replace the ex as a parent unless it is desired so or naturally happens.
A minimum of ten years sounds sensible!
danigirl587: I wouldn't mind knowing about this either. I just started talking to someone that is about to be done with his divorce and has 2 kids that are 5 and 8. We've been friends for about 14 years and have always been very attracted to eachother and have always loved spending time together(no I'm not the reason for the divorce lol). He's very worried about how his kids would take it if he started seeing someone which is pretty much the only reason we are not together. The big thing is that the kids already know me as a friend of their dad's and adore me and my son.
Hmmm...unique situation there danigirl.
It appears that he wants to wait a little longer or much longer before he introduces anyone to his kids considering that his divorce is about to be finalized. Although the kids know you as a friend and adore you, the issue lies with this man who you are "talking to". He doesn't feel comfortable just yet with the idea of having a woman enter his family on that level.
I've found that assuming how the kids will respond to a new partner is just that---assuming. We don't know how the kids will feel about the idea unless we talk to them first and let them know how special this new partner is and that it does not mean she is a new mother for them---but a new friend for them. My daughter (9 years) is always urging me to get a new girlfriend so she can have a new friend, she encourages it. Somehow, the understanding has to reach the kids that a single parent can be and needs to be in love with a new partner and that partner is not in any way a threat to replace the ex as a parent unless it is desired so or naturally happens.
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starshinebright: I don't think I would introduce the kids to a partner relationship, I guess it depends on the age of the kids. As a friend, I believed would have worked with mine. I know my kids had a hard time with dad's girlfriend, but they were always smooching in front of the kids etc. Thats a . Again it depends on age, and how long the parents have been apart.
yes it is true that the age of the kids has a lot to do with it
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StressFree: How long do you wait before you introduce your children to a new partner? If you don't like to use time as a reference point, then how much deeply involved and stable do you need to feel with your new partner before you introduce your children to a new partner?
Other related questions:
- Do you keep your dating a secret or do you casually mention your new friend in conversations?
- Do you warn your children in advance if your new partner is staying over for the night?
- Do you kiss and smooch all over the place in front of your kids when your new partner is not yet a permanent part of your life?
- Do you worry that your children will be upset when you introduce them to a new partner?
- If your kids are cold to your new partner, how do you react to that?
Other related questions:
- Do you keep your dating a secret or do you casually mention your new friend in conversations?
- Do you warn your children in advance if your new partner is staying over for the night?
- Do you kiss and smooch all over the place in front of your kids when your new partner is not yet a permanent part of your life?
- Do you worry that your children will be upset when you introduce them to a new partner?
- If your kids are cold to your new partner, how do you react to that?
My opinion...when it feels right...you'll know it.I say go with your instict..kinda like when you think of calling somebody...call them...there's a reason.
JMO
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thewall2: My opinion...when it feels right...you'll know it.I say go with your instict..kinda like when you think of calling somebody...call them...there's a reason.
JMO
JMO
...you're thinking of calling somebody.
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starshinebright: I don't think I would introduce the kids to a partner relationship, I guess it depends on the age of the kids. As a friend, I believed would have worked with mine. I know my kids had a hard time with dad's girlfriend, but they were always smooching in front of the kids etc. Thats a . Again it depends on age, and how long the parents have been apart.
Well, with my kids, their age wasn't an issue because they did not really mind---bear in mind that most of their friend's parents are divorced, so they see it as normal. I guess how you ease into things with your new partner in front of the kids and how they develop a relationship with the new partner is critical. My son was rather quiet in front of my ex at first, so I think he was a bit uncomfortable, but there was no bad blood or anything. Just took him some time of being comfortable with the idea and getting to know my ex as a friend.
I think the another issue lies with how we as parents are actually more uncomfortable with this idea due to our assumptions of how the kids will feel due to their age. Not to say that there are kids who don't naturally feel uncomfortable about this, but there are just as many kids who do feel comfortable with their mother or father having a new partner. Everything here is under the assumption that the relationship is a good one between the partners and they feel at that time, that they will spend the rest of their lives together. This is not under the context of casually dating somebody.
Okay, say the kids are like 1, 2 or 3 years old? Should a parent wait longer since their kids are so young?
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Created: Jan 2010
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Other related questions:
- Do you keep your dating a secret or do you casually mention your new friend in conversations?
- Do you warn your children in advance if your new partner is staying over for the night?
- Do you kiss and smooch all over the place in front of your kids when your new partner is not yet a permanent part of your life?
- Do you worry that your children will be upset when you introduce them to a new partner?
- If your kids are cold to your new partner, how do you react to that?