First divorce (184)
nanners2863Cayuga, Ontario Canada38 Threads 3,355 PostsFirst off..I only want advice not empathy..so no one come on here and say "sorry" or "that's too bad" because it's not a big deal. So..am going through my first divorce. My ex-husband and I have been separated for almost two and a half years..I am the one who left the marriage..and I have worked very hard to be good friends with him. He lives down the street and we have open custody of our children. We share holidays (Christmas) together and will sometimes get together for dinner. This has been amazing for my kids..they see that even though mom and dad aren't together, they can still be friends and the lack of conflict is way better for them. I have dated and was even in a serious relationship short term with another guy and he was irritated at first but came around and we were able to stay friends. I had a friend stay with me this weekend and now..my ex has lost his mind. He won't talk to me, slams doors in my face,calls me names and is putting his house up for sale. He knows I date and even after two years he still getts upset. I haven't filed the divorce papers to save him from having to pay child support but friends say that until I do..he will always behave this way! Not sure how to fix this..I worked too hard and gave up alot to stay friends..but still want to live my life?!?!? Should I just call it a loss and accept that perhaps it is true and ex's can't be friends??
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unfortunately...
he may still act this way when there is a legal agreememnt in place
what i dont understand is why have you waited?
do it.
it is only a formality
what i am saying is contract what can be contracted
and the rest will just have to be endured
marriage is a contract
when it changes it is appropriate to amend the contract
he may still act this way when there is a legal agreememnt in place
what i dont understand is why have you waited?
do it.
it is only a formality
what i am saying is contract what can be contracted
and the rest will just have to be endured
marriage is a contract
when it changes it is appropriate to amend the contract
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Seems to me it's a good thing you divorced him eh ?? 
I think if it were me I would say, "here hun, let me help you find a buyer for the house."
I think if it were me I would say, "here hun, let me help you find a buyer for the house."
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also bunny
you neednt be friends
you are right you make a new relationship but it is not quite classified as friendship
you neednt be friends
you are right you make a new relationship but it is not quite classified as friendship
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you left ,but still spouses legaly?
he desire to have you back one day.
something terrible is happening to him,seriously.
he desire to have you back one day.
something terrible is happening to him,seriously.
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Cannot speak from experience but to me, you have to sign the papers as he has always held hope of you returning in the future, especially if you still had time together, even if it was for the children....
Maybe now he is realising that it will never happen and you really have moved on, but some people will, in their minds, hold onto even the slimmest of chances for reconciliation as they cannot imagine life without you.. Such is life, I suppose..
Maybe now he is realising that it will never happen and you really have moved on, but some people will, in their minds, hold onto even the slimmest of chances for reconciliation as they cannot imagine life without you.. Such is life, I suppose..
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and besides!!! you cant tell me how to act
i will empathise if i damn well feel like it
i will empathise if i damn well feel like it
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In response to: First off..I only want advice not empathy..so no one come on here and say "sorry" or "that's too bad" because it's not a big deal. So..am going through my first divorce. My ex-husband and I have been separated for almost two and a half years..I am the one who left the marriage..and I have worked very hard to be good friends with him. He lives down the street and we have open custody of our children. We share holidays (Christmas) together and will sometimes get together for dinner. This has been amazing for my kids..they see that even though mom and dad aren't together, they can still be friends and the lack of conflict is way better for them. I have dated and was even in a serious relationship short term with another guy and he was irritated at first but came around and we were able to stay friends. I had a friend stay with me this weekend and now..my ex has lost his mind. He won't talk to me, slams doors in my face,calls me names and is putting his house up for sale. He knows I date and even after two years he still getts upset. I haven't filed the divorce papers to save him from having to pay child support but friends say that until I do..he will always behave this way! Not sure how to fix this..I worked too hard and gave up alot to stay friends..but still want to live my life?!?!? Should I just call it a loss and accept that perhaps it is true and ex's can't be friends??
Oh I know exactly what you are talking about. I married my ex a second time because we both thought we were still in love. I´ve had bad times with him because he couldn´t accept that I wanted out and jealousy arising when I met somebody, even if we hadn´t been in contact for months.
Now we are fine with each other, we have feelings for each other, how could we not after almost a lifetime together, but it´s now care for each others wellbeing, and it will be the same for you I think, or hope.
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Nan,
If all that you say is true, it would seem that you have extended the olive branch about as much as possible. It looks like he wants to be friends as long as you don't date, which looks like using friendship as a means of control which isn't friendship at all. If he were really your friend he would be happy and supportive if you found someone that made you happy. This is clearly not the case. Maybe he still loves you and holds out hope of reconciliation? Have you sent mixed signals? Avoid that. You seem like a nice girl and it's probably painful for him to let go. The fact that you haven't filed for divorce might be giving him reason to hope you might get back together. If your not going to get back together, you might have to go ahead with the heavy lifting of the divorce. I know it's terrifying, It hasn't been that long for me. Can you go on like this until your children are grown? It's your life, and it's short. You deserve to be happy. Do what it takes to get there if you can. Hope I helped.
Bob
If all that you say is true, it would seem that you have extended the olive branch about as much as possible. It looks like he wants to be friends as long as you don't date, which looks like using friendship as a means of control which isn't friendship at all. If he were really your friend he would be happy and supportive if you found someone that made you happy. This is clearly not the case. Maybe he still loves you and holds out hope of reconciliation? Have you sent mixed signals? Avoid that. You seem like a nice girl and it's probably painful for him to let go. The fact that you haven't filed for divorce might be giving him reason to hope you might get back together. If your not going to get back together, you might have to go ahead with the heavy lifting of the divorce. I know it's terrifying, It hasn't been that long for me. Can you go on like this until your children are grown? It's your life, and it's short. You deserve to be happy. Do what it takes to get there if you can. Hope I helped.
Bob
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I've been on that situation as well.-.-. I see things this way...
may be the first few years will be impossible for u and him to stay as friends...beacause , as I understand from your post, he still have feelings for you, so yeah, it is VERY HARD to remain just AS FRIENDS with someone u still have feelings for.... the pain is still there..for HIM...
Of course he needs to deal with it...and move on...for mental health and ur kids ...after all that was a beautiful result of ur marriage right??
But he needs to be a father.... and he will always be a father...no matter how angry is he with u now. So I guess that he needs to cool down and may be u need to wait for a while and just deal with him as PARENtS...time will let u know if u can be friends or not,...
Give him some time to deal with the pain of loosing you...I'm sure later down the road if u guys make things right u can be good friends and parents
It works :) I know by my own experience...(even if i wasnt married)
It's just a matter of time
Good luck!!
may be the first few years will be impossible for u and him to stay as friends...beacause , as I understand from your post, he still have feelings for you, so yeah, it is VERY HARD to remain just AS FRIENDS with someone u still have feelings for.... the pain is still there..for HIM...
Of course he needs to deal with it...and move on...for mental health and ur kids ...after all that was a beautiful result of ur marriage right??
But he needs to be a father.... and he will always be a father...no matter how angry is he with u now. So I guess that he needs to cool down and may be u need to wait for a while and just deal with him as PARENtS...time will let u know if u can be friends or not,...
Give him some time to deal with the pain of loosing you...I'm sure later down the road if u guys make things right u can be good friends and parents
It works :) I know by my own experience...(even if i wasnt married)
It's just a matter of time
Good luck!!
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mindfful: and besides!!! you cant tell me how to act
i will empathise if i damn well feel like it
First of all ..bite me...second of all..did I see you call some dude on a thread "BabyBubba"i will empathise if i damn well feel like it
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nanners2863: First of all ..bite me...second of all..did I see you call some dude on a thread "BabyBubba"
youre reading me?im so fatter
im mean flattered
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ok..you all make valid points...divorce full steam ahead..and hope for friendship later.
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mindfful: youre reading me?
im so fatter
im mean flattered
that dood is an old member returning and one of the best people youll ever know so harrumphim so fatter
im mean flattered
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nanners2863: ok..you all make valid points...divorce full steam ahead..and hope for friendship later.
love you sweetness the day was gonna come someday
i know it feels like we are being mean but boundaries are good
i will vouch that you arent mean
you save it all for me
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nanners2863: ok..you all make valid points...divorce full steam ahead..and hope for friendship later.
I know, you said don't do this but.....it's gonna be fine. ( i hate those little comfort emots too he-he)------ This thread is Archived ------
Does he date??
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Maybe it's time to go ahead and make it final. I mean....technically, you are still married to him. I wouldn't be shocked if he continued acting this way for a good while. Divorce is hard, no matter how easy you try to make it.
Maybe after the whole process is over and things have settled down, things will turn around and you two continue to be some kind of friends again. You seem to be a very level-headed person. Just keep your cool through it all and don't say anything that you will regret later. He'll come around.
Maybe he thought that eventually you guys would get back together.
He still wuvs you.
Maybe after the whole process is over and things have settled down, things will turn around and you two continue to be some kind of friends again. You seem to be a very level-headed person. Just keep your cool through it all and don't say anything that you will regret later. He'll come around.
Maybe he thought that eventually you guys would get back together.
He still wuvs you.
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I think you did your best trying to keep peace, seems to me he may still have feelings. I would file the papers cut it Puff so he realizes its friends only you want to be with him. If possible maybe try to let him know your plans and I would if the children are old enough let them know whats going on and that you and him both still care and love them very much and that will never change.
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Nan, I have been exactly where you are. You are making wise choices, thoughtful of everyone. I also see why you ended things. The next healthy choice is to finalize things because your life awaits. After 21/2 yrs. you know...so thats your answer. As too being friends some day?? You will, time is a healer.
These days and for many years, I have been friends with my ex.in fact, I really like his spouse. We ended up raising the babies co-operatively. Once things are over the healing begins.
These days and for many years, I have been friends with my ex.in fact, I really like his spouse. We ended up raising the babies co-operatively. Once things are over the healing begins.
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Created: May 2010
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