Relationship Deterioration & Successes (36)
Love, progress, common goals, a sense of well being keeps people together. I would definitely cultivate communication and assertiveness, but also compromise and flexibility. It's all necessary for a healthy relationship.
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In my relationships I was decieved from the very beginning so it didnt matter how much I tryed to make it work it was doomed before it even began.
My parrents on the other hand have been together for 53 years, they have not always agreed on everything and have had there share of fights but I recall as a kid watching them argue and still love each other. if they where arguing in the morning my dad would have to go to work and would give my mom a hug and kiss, saing I still dont agree with you but I love you... I dont know how they kept it up for over 50 years except one issue at a time, agreeing to disagree and loveing above it all.
My parrents on the other hand have been together for 53 years, they have not always agreed on everything and have had there share of fights but I recall as a kid watching them argue and still love each other. if they where arguing in the morning my dad would have to go to work and would give my mom a hug and kiss, saing I still dont agree with you but I love you... I dont know how they kept it up for over 50 years except one issue at a time, agreeing to disagree and loveing above it all.
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scoutmaster: In my relationships I was decieved from the very beginning so it didnt matter how much I tryed to make it work it was doomed before it even began.
My parrents on the other hand have been together for 53 years, they have not always agreed on everything and have had there share of fights but I recall as a kid watching them argue and still love each other. if they where arguing in the morning my dad would have to go to work and would give my mom a hug and kiss, saing I still dont agree with you but I love you... I dont know how they kept it up for over 50 years except one issue at a time, agreeing to disagree and loveing above it all.
My parrents on the other hand have been together for 53 years, they have not always agreed on everything and have had there share of fights but I recall as a kid watching them argue and still love each other. if they where arguing in the morning my dad would have to go to work and would give my mom a hug and kiss, saing I still dont agree with you but I love you... I dont know how they kept it up for over 50 years except one issue at a time, agreeing to disagree and loveing above it all.
That may be a key - not letting things get outta control. I was reading an interesting book wherein the author was discussing that women need "love" and men need "respect". Learning to be respectful as women to men is something that we are lacking sometimes ... women may disagree, but I've certainly seen it many times in how we talk about men or talk to men.
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I read a book(I know...shocking) years ago Langley, that kind of stuck with me. The author(Pirsig) was examining quality, he wrote about static quality and dynamic quality. He wrote of songs which we like at first but quickly tire of as having dynamic quality, and songs we adore for years as having static quality. I think that can be related to relationships. Depending on what about a person attracts us, the attraction will be inherently static or dynamic.
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langleygirl: That may be a key - not letting things get outta control. I was reading an interesting book wherein the author was discussing that women need "love" and men need "respect". Learning to be respectful as women to men is something that we are lacking sometimes ... women may disagree, but I've certainly seen it many times in how we talk about men or talk to men.
I think too often people take disagreement as a personal attack. If you are able to disagree and still kiss each other like his parents did, that means you have a healthy concept of love and personal opinion. They are two different things, and sometimes one may simply give in a little for love or vice versa. It's how that works in a good relationship...it's a give and take. The smart man or woman knows when to give in or stick to his or her guns.
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langleygirl: That may be a key - not letting things get outta control. I was reading an interesting book wherein the author was discussing that women need "love" and men need "respect". Learning to be respectful as women to men is something that we are lacking sometimes ... women may disagree, but I've certainly seen it many times in how we talk about men or talk to men.
men need love too but you are right, respect is huge and so is appreciation.
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Ocee35: I read a book(I know...shocking) years ago Langley, that kind of stuck with me. The author(Pirsig) was examining quality, he wrote about static quality and dynamic quality. He wrote of songs which we like at first but quickly tire of as having dynamic quality, and songs we adore for years as having static quality. I think that can be related to relationships. Depending on what about a person attracts us, the attraction will be inherently static or dynamic.
Mr. Shocker! lol Now that is an interesting tidbit .... so in a relationship does it equate to a fireworks explosion and just a visit to the amusement park wherein you can find enjoyment but you can also go on the rides as many times as you'd like and the fireworks show is less than 20 minutes and fizzles out?
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Ocee35: I read a book(I know...shocking) years ago Langley, that kind of stuck with me. The author(Pirsig) was examining quality, he wrote about static quality and dynamic quality. He wrote of songs which we like at first but quickly tire of as having dynamic quality, and songs we adore for years as having static quality. I think that can be related to relationships. Depending on what about a person attracts us, the attraction will be inherently static or dynamic.
....ummmm....what happens when a static relationship ends up a dynamic anyway? Or what we adored at first ends up getting on our nerves? How do you explain that?
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CherryBlossom73: I think too often people take disagreement as a personal attack. If you are able to disagree and still kiss each other like his parents did, that means you have a healthy concept of love and personal opinion. They are two different things, and sometimes one may simply give in a little for love or vice versa. It's how that works in a good relationship...it's a give and take. The smart man or woman knows when to give in or stick to his or her guns.
Yes, I agree. Being too hard-nosed isn't a good thing. The way in which you speak to each other is important as well.
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langleygirl: Mr. Shocker! lol Now that is an interesting tidbit .... so in a relationship does it equate to a fireworks explosion and just a visit to the amusement park wherein you can find enjoyment but you can also go on the rides as many times as you'd like and the fireworks show is less than 20 minutes and fizzles out?
How about a long peacefull walk threw the wilderness, sometimes a wild animal happens by and brings excitement, sometimes a storm blows and tosses things around and sometimes you end up on a high pinicle in awe of the grand landscape laied out before you and sometimes just contentment in a beautiful valley with sweet watter, soft ground and serenity.
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langleygirl: Yes, I agree. Being too hard-nosed isn't a good thing. The way in which you speak to each other is important as well.
yes, yes,,,,yes. speak your mind but do it with respect not contempt.
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scoutmaster: How about a long peacefull walk threw the wilderness, sometimes a wild animal happens by and brings excitement, sometimes a storm blows and tosses things around and sometimes you end up on a high pinicle in awe of the grand landscape laied out before you and sometimes just contentment in a beautiful valley with sweet watter, soft ground and serenity.
This topic has completely derailed into fantasyland...
Nice though. 
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"what do you think keeps the relationship going?"
When the little woman disregards doctor's orders and quits taking Paxil ......it's history after that
When the little woman disregards doctor's orders and quits taking Paxil ......it's history after that
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langleygirl: .... so in a relationship does it equate to a fireworks explosion and just a visit to the amusement park wherein you can find enjoyment but you can also go on the rides as many times as you'd like and the fireworks show is less than 20 minutes and fizzles out?
It is a bit like that.
Fireworks are amazing at first, but after awhile
what filled us with wonder begins to grate on the nerves.
The quality seems to fade.
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CherryBlossom73: This topic has completely derailed into fantasyland... Nice though.
not fanticy land, poetic metifore. just because it didnt happen in my life or perhaps yours doesent mean it doesent happen. My parrents for example. To this day I can go over to there house and see the love in there eyes when they look at each other.
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jvaski: "what do you think keeps the relationship going?"
When the little woman disregards doctor's orders and quits taking Paxil ......it's history after that
When the little woman disregards doctor's orders and quits taking Paxil ......it's history after that
Yes for some people requiring medications and not taking them can harm their relationships. Mental illness is certainly not a issue to be taken lightly as it affects far too many families and the quality of their lives.
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scoutmaster: not fanticy land, poetic metifore. just because it didnt happen in my life or perhaps yours doesent mean it doesent happen. My parrents for example. To this day I can go over to there house and see the love in there eyes when they look at each other.
I guess I still believe after all.
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scoutmaster: I guess I still believe after all.
I think when you see it displayed before you there is no reason to not believe. Part of the point of this thread is to wonder why its so hard to have? Do we do it to ourselves or do we simply let it go (slipping away day by day?)?
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scoutmaster: not fanticy land, poetic metifore. just because it didnt happen in my life or perhaps yours doesent mean it doesent happen. My parrents for example. To this day I can go over to there house and see the love in there eyes when they look at each other.
I agree completely....
The metaphors there were becoming more and more obscure, but I understand. 
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Created: Jul 2010
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On the flip side - what do you think keeps the relationship going? Are there some common characteristics that we should be looking to cultivate within ourselves wherein we can be more successful in our future relationships?