Why you are Unhappy. (142)
I personally take responsibility and accountability for my own happiness and no one else. I might enhance another persons happiness but I cannot take responsibility nor accountability for their personal happiness. I have my own wants, needs and desires and they are all happily balanced.
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
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opentuit: It's a matter of balance, I think.
To be happy, my APPRECIATION needs to be bigger than my DESIRE. I can live in today and still have a plan for tomorrow. But even with my plan for the future, as I move in my chosen direction, I have to be open to what I FIND on that path rather than upset by the fact that it isn't turning out according to my mental picture of how it's "supposed to be." We do this in relationships too; we do this to people, try to fit them to a picture of how they're "supposed to be."
That sort of attachment to an outcome, that whole idea that if a result doesn't fit my "picture," then the whole path is no good... is a source of distress and conflict. It's best taken neutrally, I think... as "what is"... and with that information, I can make more choices as to how I want to proceed on my chosen path.... while always practicing a sense of appreciation for the beauty of and the good in people and in life AS THEY ARE.
To be happy, my APPRECIATION needs to be bigger than my DESIRE. I can live in today and still have a plan for tomorrow. But even with my plan for the future, as I move in my chosen direction, I have to be open to what I FIND on that path rather than upset by the fact that it isn't turning out according to my mental picture of how it's "supposed to be." We do this in relationships too; we do this to people, try to fit them to a picture of how they're "supposed to be."
That sort of attachment to an outcome, that whole idea that if a result doesn't fit my "picture," then the whole path is no good... is a source of distress and conflict. It's best taken neutrally, I think... as "what is"... and with that information, I can make more choices as to how I want to proceed on my chosen path.... while always practicing a sense of appreciation for the beauty of and the good in people and in life AS THEY ARE.
Bravo!
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amahlala: I personally take responsibility and accountability for my own happiness and no one else. I might enhance another persons happiness but I cannot take responsibility nor accountability for their personal happiness. I have my own wants, needs and desires and they are all happily balanced.
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
Hey L!
How are you cutie?------ This thread is Archived ------
Blues63: Hey L! How are you cutie?
Hey G!
Feeling fabu! How are you today?------ This thread is Archived ------
amahlala: Hey G! Feeling fabu! How are you today?
Still got the flu, but it's OK. Have a great day L.
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Blues63: Still got the flu, but it's OK. Have a great day L.
feel better soon xxx------ This thread is Archived ------
Amity: feel better soon xxx
Thanks T. How are things with you?
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Blues63: Thanks T. How are things with you?
Ok thanks hun
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A philosopher/psychologist (Martin Baum I think) once suggested the following.
(Paraphrased)
It is generally held that there are two types of 'power'. The first is 'power over', i.e. we control circumstances and the direction of our lives. This can provide happiness or contentment for some. When this is lost it becomes 'power under', i.e. that we are controlled by circumstance and have lost control of our lives, therefore, we are unhappy.
Baum suggested a third option, that is the 'power to allow'. We have the power to allow circumstance to manipulate our lives. We can surrender to said said circumstance, but it is our choice to do so.
Although this sounds like x amount of nonsense, it can create a mindset that has the ability to avoid the negativity that comes with the second option.
Please excuse me if my citations are incorrect.
(Paraphrased)
It is generally held that there are two types of 'power'. The first is 'power over', i.e. we control circumstances and the direction of our lives. This can provide happiness or contentment for some. When this is lost it becomes 'power under', i.e. that we are controlled by circumstance and have lost control of our lives, therefore, we are unhappy.
Baum suggested a third option, that is the 'power to allow'. We have the power to allow circumstance to manipulate our lives. We can surrender to said said circumstance, but it is our choice to do so.
Although this sounds like x amount of nonsense, it can create a mindset that has the ability to avoid the negativity that comes with the second option.
Please excuse me if my citations are incorrect.
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Blues63: A philosopher/psychologist (Martin Baum I think) once suggested the following.
(Paraphrased)
It is generally held that there are two types of 'power'. The first is 'power over', i.e. we control circumstances and the direction of our lives. This can provide happiness or contentment for some. When this is lost it becomes 'power under', i.e. that we are controlled by circumstance and have lost control of our lives, therefore, we are unhappy.
Baum suggested a third option, that is the 'power to allow'. We have the power to allow circumstance to manipulate our lives. We can surrender to said said circumstance, but it is our choice to do so.
Although this sounds like x amount of nonsense, it can create a mindset that has the ability to avoid the negativity that comes with the second option.
Please excuse me if my citations are incorrect.
(Paraphrased)
It is generally held that there are two types of 'power'. The first is 'power over', i.e. we control circumstances and the direction of our lives. This can provide happiness or contentment for some. When this is lost it becomes 'power under', i.e. that we are controlled by circumstance and have lost control of our lives, therefore, we are unhappy.
Baum suggested a third option, that is the 'power to allow'. We have the power to allow circumstance to manipulate our lives. We can surrender to said said circumstance, but it is our choice to do so.
Although this sounds like x amount of nonsense, it can create a mindset that has the ability to avoid the negativity that comes with the second option.
Please excuse me if my citations are incorrect.
I agree with that third option...many give others 'the power to allow' and do not realize that they have done so. It is not until they take back their 'power' for themselves do they begin to take the steps give themselves the power to be happy.
I am guilty of having given others the 'power to allow' over me, I am thankful that I gave myself the gift of personal happiness.
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amahlala: I agree with that third option...many give others 'the power to allow' and do not realize that they have done so. It is not until they take back their 'power' for themselves do they begin to take the steps give themselves the power to be happy.
I am guilty of having given others the 'power to allow' over me, I am thankful that I gave myself the gift of personal happiness.
I am guilty of having given others the 'power to allow' over me, I am thankful that I gave myself the gift of personal happiness.
Oh, good! You understand that. I was worried that it sounded like gibberish.
I had the 'power under' mindset for so long. Until the power to allow became a way of thinking, I was unhappy. With people having power over one, one can lose control and ultimately, one's self.
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Blues63: Oh, good! You understand that. I was worried that it sounded like gibberish.
I had the 'power under' mindset for so long. Until the power to allow became a way of thinking, I was unhappy. With people having power over one, one can lose control and ultimately, one's self.
I had the 'power under' mindset for so long. Until the power to allow became a way of thinking, I was unhappy. With people having power over one, one can lose control and ultimately, one's self.
Exactly. I lost my 'self' for years because I gave others power over me and my sense of self-esteem and happiness. It took a very sizable "slap into reality" to give 'me' back to me and I have never been happier......
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amahlala: Exactly. I lost my 'self' for years because I gave others power over me and my sense of self-esteem and happiness. It took a very sizable "slap into reality" to give 'me' back to me and I have never been happier......
Ditto!
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celibate: I switched off after 'vitriolic diatribe/ Did you?
Bye.
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amahlala: I personally take responsibility and accountability for my own happiness and no one else. I might enhance another persons happiness but I cannot take responsibility nor accountability for their personal happiness. I have my own wants, needs and desires and they are all happily balanced.
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
The only thing that is ever "out of whack" for me is an occasional lack of caffeine but I have found a brisk walk around the block or running up and down the stairs sometimes helps give me that "caffeinated edge."
Good thread GH!
Ahhhh.... coffee. That's got to be my most decadent hedonistic indulgence, forking out for some quality home-espresso making equipment. The elixir of life.
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As far as I see in life the single most important factor that determines one's level of happiness is the quality the relationships in your life, whether that is between yourself and your parents, siblings, off-spring, your partner if you are so fortunate, friends or for the really fortunate one’s wine-merchant.
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Blues63: Oh, good! You understand that. I was worried that it sounded like gibberish.
I had the 'power under' mindset for so long. Until the power to allow became a way of thinking, I was unhappy. With people having power over one, one can lose control and ultimately, one's self.
I had the 'power under' mindset for so long. Until the power to allow became a way of thinking, I was unhappy. With people having power over one, one can lose control and ultimately, one's self.
That didn't sound like gibberish at all. It made perfect sense to me and Amalhala cruised right down the middle of the concept without swerving. It was clear. When something is untenable, evaluate your options. Every situation can be changed somehow and some way even if an extreme change is the only one. But then when you know your options. You choose. Take action to change the situation. Or accept the situation. Know you made the choice and embrace the choice. I believe that a major cause of unhappiness is wallowing about refusing to either accept or change the situation, placing themselves in a position where they are divorced from reality, unable to move on and unable to be happy because of the internal conflict that goes unresolved. You can't be happy when you are at war with yourself. At least I don't see how it's possible.
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celibate: I switched off after 'vitriolic diatribe/ Did you?
Not at all. I thought it was very well-written actually.
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Blues63: Yes, it's prioritising that which is really important (i.e. relationships, experience and a willingness to learn and grow).
The feeling of disenfranchisement when one fails to meet material social expectations is not really important in life. I'm no idiot (although others on CS may deem me so), but I've made some destructive decisions throughout my life and I had to break the cycle. Self-assessment brought about this change.
I have not lost ambition, just changed my perspective (if that makes any sense).
Thanks for your threads btw. I find them quite stimulating.
The feeling of disenfranchisement when one fails to meet material social expectations is not really important in life. I'm no idiot (although others on CS may deem me so), but I've made some destructive decisions throughout my life and I had to break the cycle. Self-assessment brought about this change.
I have not lost ambition, just changed my perspective (if that makes any sense).
Thanks for your threads btw. I find them quite stimulating.
Well-said, Blues. I've enjoyed your reflective participation here as well.
Regarding desire - it was gratifying to see Garden and others parse out the Eastern meaning of it, which is fairly far-removed, I think, from the simplistic "wanting something."
Of course, if it were, it would suffer from the logical problem of why we ought to want a lack of desire.
It seems fairly self-evident that wanting nothing could not compose a state of happiness, but rather would amount to a state of being not alive.
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Yes, it's prioritising that which is really important (i.e. relationships, experience and a willingness to learn and grow).
The feeling of disenfranchisement when one fails to meet material social expectations is not really important in life. I'm no idiot (although others on CS may deem me so), but I've made some destructive decisions throughout my life and I had to break the cycle. Self-assessment brought about this change.
I have not lost ambition, just changed my perspective (if that makes any sense).
Thanks for your threads btw. I find them quite stimulating.