Why you are Unhappy. ( Archived) (142)

HJFinAZ: I have no idea what I am going to be when (IF) I grow up..

HJFinAZ: Yes, but ain't in no hurry....

gardenhackle: 1. you aren't honest.
2. you don't respect yourself.
3. you aren't responsible.

There you have it. YOU are the source of your unhappiness.

Now, you're probably either wondering who I'm talking about or are about to hit the "respond" button and unleash an emotionally charged vitriolic diatribe filled with righteous indignation because you self-identified and immediately felt attacked by those 3 unflattering bullet points and being unhappy makes it easy to lash-out at people. If you're the latter, relax. It's not really about you and it's not personal and it's not an indictment of you or your character. It's just a line of reasoning. The bad news is that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. And that's also the good news because it means that you can abandon that unhappiness whenever you are ready to do so. Now to explain the three bullet points.

1. You aren't honest. While you may be as honest as you can imagine with everyone else, you aren't honest with yourself. Or maybe let's say you're not honest ENOUGH with yourself, if that sounds better to you. Here's an exercise in being honest with yourself. Ask and answer the following questions in order.

In order to be happy, what do you want out of life? List those things.
What action are you taking today toward achieving those goals for happiness?
If the answer to that is "nothing", then you should ask yourself "why not" and "Do I really want that".
People working toward their goals tend to feel good about themselves, feel optimstic, empowered and positive, all resulting in a high level of self respect. i.e. You are happy.

2. Being unwilling to accept the only two baseline options for any situation (change it) or (accept it) means that you would rather wallow in angst than choose one of the two courses of action and embrace your decision. Knowing your options, choosing one and acting on that choice frees you. But you have to respect yourself enough to be honest and truthful with yourself. You CAN change your situation and refusing to acknowledge that is actually disrespecting yourself through contempt for your own personal strength, value, ability and autonomy.

3. You aren't responsible. Happiness is personal. It's YOURS. You can be happy living in a grass hut and you can be unhappy living in a mansion. Be honest with yourself about what makes you happy. Do something and take action on that honest evaluation and take responsibility for it. Happiness won't find you. You must find it.

So there is the line of philosophical reasoning and, of course, it's open to discussion, agreement or dissent.