What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child? ( Archived) (28)

Nov 17, 2010 9:22 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
I can't prove a thing.............so how do I confront this 25 yr old son? Recently had to move in with me...........frustrated frustrated
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Nov 17, 2010 9:26 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA68 Threads 7 Polls 16,449 Posts
He is old enough now to stop treating him like a son, but as an adult. Trust is earned and if he hasn't earned yours, talk to him straight up and tell him why and how you feel and think.

Best of luck S.....wave hug
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Nov 17, 2010 9:27 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
If their is no trust, why let him into your home?
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Nov 17, 2010 9:27 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
freesparrow
freesparrowfreesparrowHarlingen, Texas USA10 Threads 1 Polls 1,162 Posts
What do you suspect?
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Nov 17, 2010 9:28 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
jeepers
jeepersjeepersCowpet Bay, Saint Thomas Virgin Islands (USA)57 Threads 10,968 Posts
hug
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Nov 17, 2010 9:28 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
serene56
serene56serene56Myplace, New South Wales Australia543 Threads 10 Polls 27,957 Posts
starshinebright: I can't prove a thing.............so how do I confront this 25 yr old son? Recently had to move in with me...........


Oh, my heart sank into my boots when I read this sigh

Adult children in trouble are just the most worrying, worrying thing - at least when they are children you have the control as a parent to take the appropriate steps to try to fix whatever the problem is.

When they are adults, they can only fix the problem themselves .. that's if they can and want to .. and may or may not want your help. It's their choice.

In the meantime, you worry, have sleepless nights and try to deal with the stress blues It's very difficult and very stressful.

I hope the problem is resolved soon sad flower
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Nov 17, 2010 9:29 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: If their is no trust, why let him into your home?



Learning experience for me.............tough love............hardest thing ever...........I am getting close to it though...........holidays makes it harder for me.............sigh
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Nov 17, 2010 9:29 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
freesparrow
freesparrowfreesparrowHarlingen, Texas USA10 Threads 1 Polls 1,162 Posts
NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: If their is no trust, why let him into your home?

Because it is almost impossible for mothers to turn their backs on their children no matter what they do.
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Nov 17, 2010 9:32 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright: Learning experience for me.............tough love............hardest thing ever...........I am getting close to it though...........holidays makes it harder for me.............

Just lay down the rules in your home
Have him get a PO box because if he used your address it will become his legal address.
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Nov 17, 2010 9:34 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
serene56: Oh, my heart sank into my boots when I read this

Adult children in trouble are just the most worrying, worrying thing - at least when they are children you have the control as a parent to take the appropriate steps to try to fix whatever the problem is.

When they are adults, they can only fix the problem themselves .. that's if they can and want to .. and may or may not want your help. It's their choice.

In the meantime, you worry, have sleepless nights and try to deal with the stress It's very difficult and very stressful.

I hope the problem is resolved soon



Oh my......thats it in a Christmas nut shell............hug

Just need to know I am not the only one...stuck......you love you kids with all your heart...............and then you know...........not a kid...................anymore..........but holidays............makes a mom's heart hurt
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Nov 17, 2010 9:34 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
serene56: Oh, my heart sank into my boots when I read this

Adult children in trouble are just the most worrying, worrying thing - at least when they are children you have the control as a parent to take the appropriate steps to try to fix whatever the problem is.

When they are adults, they can only fix the problem themselves .. that's if they can and want to .. and may or may not want your help. It's their choice.

In the meantime, you worry, have sleepless nights and try to deal with the stress It's very difficult and very stressful.

I hope the problem is resolved soon



Oh my......thats it in a Christmas nut shell............hug

Just need to know I am not the only one...stuck......you love you kids with all your heart...............and then you know...........not a kid...................anymore..........but holidays............makes a mom's heart hurt
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Nov 17, 2010 9:35 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
serene56
serene56serene56Myplace, New South Wales Australia543 Threads 10 Polls 27,957 Posts
freesparrow: Because it is almost impossible for mothers to turn their backs on their children no matter what they do.



True. And no matter how old they are conversing
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Nov 17, 2010 9:38 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
serene56
serene56serene56Myplace, New South Wales Australia543 Threads 10 Polls 27,957 Posts
starshinebright: Oh my......thats it in a Christmas nut shell............

Just need to know I am not the only one...stuck......you love you kids with all your heart...............and then you know...........not a kid...................anymore..........but holidays............makes a mom's heart hurt



I understand. Our situations may be a little different perhaps, who knows, who cares, but you're not alone hug
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Nov 17, 2010 9:41 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
demonfairy
demonfairydemonfairyNewton, North Carolina USA76 Threads 2 Polls 2,278 Posts
starshinebright: I can't prove a thing.............so how do I confront this 25 yr old son? Recently had to move in with me...........
Hes still your child,no different now,just ask him,just like you did when he was young.No matter what they do we still love them.hug wave
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Nov 17, 2010 9:44 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
serene56: I understand. Our situations may be a little different perhaps, who knows, who cares, but you're not alone


I can be a UK citizen if I want I was born in England, and I ...in my heart believe.....I would be better off there, and my kids could grow up if I made that choice............they never had their dad after we split............now his wife is dying.........and he is in their life.............wth.....
I was am and will always be.................but if you can't be ther e for me............wave

this sums it up

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Nov 17, 2010 9:45 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
Not the Mama...anymore..............Mother...Now head banger
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Nov 17, 2010 9:45 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
joyannie
joyanniejoyannieA little closer to heaven, Colorado USA5 Threads 408 Posts
serene56: I understand. Our situations may be a little different perhaps, who knows, who cares, but you're not alone
I agree.... starshinebright you are not alone...not by a long shot!wave comfort teddybear
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Nov 17, 2010 9:49 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
freesparrow
freesparrowfreesparrowHarlingen, Texas USA10 Threads 1 Polls 1,162 Posts
You are not alone. My adult child has done so much to make me lose all trust. It feels like a dagger in your heart and you wonder what happened to that sweet child that used to bring mom flowers from the backyard. I forgive and forgive and forgive... And pray that some day he will remember the things I tried to teach him about life. Communicate your feelings as much as possible.
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Nov 17, 2010 9:51 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
serene56
serene56serene56Myplace, New South Wales Australia543 Threads 10 Polls 27,957 Posts
starshinebright: Not the Mama...anymore..............Mother...Now



Depending on the circumstances, it's not always easy to "cut the cord" ..

If it's purely a matter of our children learning to take responsibility for themselves and their actions, I'd like to think I would be capable of "tough love".

We are doing them a favour in the long run, I believe conversing They will learn to be strong, independent and, after all, we won't always be here to catch them when they fall.

At the same time, once we have raised our children, we deserve to live our lives too wine
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Nov 17, 2010 9:52 PM CST What do you do , when you can't trust your adult child?
starshinebright
starshinebrightstarshinebrightRiverside, California USA189 Threads 1 Polls 6,305 Posts
joyannie: I agree.... starshinebright you are not alone...not by a long shot!
teddybear wine

sad place...........hug
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