Married life! ( Archived) (11)

Wife to Husband "How many women have you slept with?"

Husband to wife " Only you darling,all the others were wide awake"

Hospital visiting hours are from 11a.m. to 7p.m.

---SoldierByte---

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.
On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded:
"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire
marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how
it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic
process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new
state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were
that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he
was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, "I know I have the
product. I'm just not sure how to position it."
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was...

...God I miss him!

So now I have married a lawyer, so now I know I'm going to finally get screwed."

funny funny

Husband [a Doctor] and his wife were having a massive row at breakfast.He storms out of the house shouting"And you are no good in bed either!"
Realising a few hours later that he had been a bit harsh ,he tries to phone his wife at home.After many rings she finally answers the phone.
"What took you so long?" he asks."I was in bed she replies"
"In bed at this hour,what were you doing?"
"Getting a second opinion" she replies!

He asked for that one!!!!!!!!!!