Financial infidelity (86)

well in practice, if my Mum had not have had her own savings seperate from the business account my parents never would have kept the house and land.
My father in running the business racked up an overdraft, the bank then wanted to foreclose. The house was collateral.
My mothers savings stopped the foreclosure.

It wasnt a matter of trust, but it was the money from my mothers mums estate, so as a family I am happy that Mum had that seperate account or with 4 kids under the age of 10 our family would have been without home and land and business.

The way I look at it we go into a relationship as individuals, the relationship itself becomes an "individual" of sorts, but does that mean we have to lose our own self to become something "else"? that we have to surrender everything to the new "individual"?

How finances should or shouldnt be set up should be up to the individuals involved and what they decide is right for them. What is right for one is definitely not the way other people would like things to be.

now of a couple who were so untrusting of the other person that they eventually started holidaying on their own, had their own secret stashes and the guy had a storage container at a mates that he would buy a new lot of goodies - tools, stereos, etc... one day his wife found out about it and that was the end of their relationship.
It's really no way to live your life in fear of your partners financial prowess. You're not allowing your body, spirit and being the chance to merge with your new partner and watch the resultant action blossom like it should.
Anyway, are you saying you're only going to go out with a loser who's no good with money?

read what I wrote again Normal, my parents seperate accounts were not from lack of trust, my father would not allow my mother to put "her" money into the joint account as it was all she had left from her mum.

You do what is right for you, coz I know for sure that what is right for you isnt not right for everyone.

I never wrote anything about fear.

I wrote about a reality, without separate finances our family would have been destitute, totally.

And what and whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with and what that person is like or capable of is none of your business.

Seems you use this as your argument when you are not able to win the debate, face it, you lost.

how can writing about a truth, a reality, be a losing arguement Normal?

You seem to be the one who needs always to have the last word even if you have no argument to come back with, just trying to put someone down.

You are free to demand of your partner that she must be free of piercings, tattoos, that she shouldnt participate in facebook or other social networking sites, and must withdraw from all forums online in case she forms a relationship with someone else and that she must submit all her worldly goods unto the "marriage" with you.
Good for you, that is what you want, but just coz it is right for you doesnt mean that others think the same.

I dont and never will place the same expectations on someone as you, I will accept the person I see before me and make my decision if they are right or wrong for me on who they are, not what they are not, nor my preconception or who they might be.

And this is why we're both single still? Seems you have high standards too, or you would have been hitched up already seeing as you're in a lot more social situations than I am.

I am single coz I chose to be, for what ever reason.

And again, my love life, lack of it, or the multitude of it is none of your business.


good luck in finding what you want

You're good at dealing it out jem. I wasn't talking about your parents, but you can put words into my mouth. I'm just seeing it as I see it. I could use that argument with whoever I end up with, ummmmm, can't share my stash or income in case you are a loser, gambler, dreamer, not frugal etc, etc... But if you play your cards right, I may give you a bonus though if you play your cards right. gimme a break!
I personally do not see a relationship built on a lack of trust going very far at all.

Actually money rates highly the top of things couples fight about. If a partnership had a kitty for the household expenses then their own funds to with what they wish, it would reduce the strain on the financial responsibilities. Hard to trust a partner who consistently betrays your household finances too, so when it comes to money seems it is a no win situation with you. You either don't trust them because they spend the household kitty or you don't trust them because they have their own money.

I am starting to wonder if you really ever do want another serious relationship because you keep coming up with excuses not to trust anyone.

Do you realise that due to the laws if you live with someone for a few years he can sue you for what you brought into the relationship? I think these laws should be modified, so whatever people bring into a relationship can also take out. It is totally unfair that someone after a few years living with you can have a big slice. I heard quite a few stories.

I think last year or before a new law came in that gave rights for mistresses also, so they could demand financial support from blokes. This should work both ways. So people, I think we all better off staying alone :-)