Financial infidelity (86)
I am very old fashioned when it comes to what is mine is yours and yours is mine, I agree that in a committed relationship that things should be shared and agreed upon and worked together. That is from the perspective of my marriage though, with that came shared expenses such as children. I am not sure that I would like to lose my financial independence since then. Even if my partner and I were living together, I feel I have expenses that he would not by having my children at home and do not feel that it is his responsibility to pay for them or their expenses. If we decided to acquire assets together then I presume that there would be shared bank accounts etc again but I would also retain my own.
well, it really depends on the dynamics of the relationship.
but really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
but really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
morgansdesire: well, it really depends on the dynamics of the relationship.
but really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
The personal fund is all good in theory, but a trust relationship would mean all the money goes into the pot, the needs are accounted for first and then the wants are negotiated together in harmonybut really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
morgansdesire: well, it really depends on the dynamics of the relationship.
but really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
but really, keeping secrets is not a good thing, theres too much room for all kinds of infidelity then, like gambling or affairs.
I think it is appropriate to be able to at least have a personal fund aside, but we should trust our partner enough to let them know we do have a personal fund, and for them to be able to have access in case of emergency.
That being said, near the end of a very troubled relationship I did keep a secret fund aside as my partner seemed to have complete one sided control of our finances and I needed to get out safely.
Otherwise I feel I have tried to maintain a balance in finances with all my relationships including supporting a partner who may not be bringing in much for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us) and being honest about how much is earned, how much is contributed to the relationship and general living, and how to access funds if needed
Welcome to the forums
I agree, I think it is healthy to have some sort of independence. It is good to be able to surprise a partner with gifts or being able to organise a night out together without having to justify expenses that show up in statements. One partner may be a better saver than another so a joint account is not always ideal when someone who cannot manage money has access to it. I got caught out a couple of times when my ex had taken money from our joint account and I had gone grocery shopping, go to eftpos, not enough funds!!! Very embarrassing and infuriating.
normalguy68: The personal fund is all good in theory, but a trust relationship would mean all the money goes into the pot, the needs are accounted for first and then the wants are negotiated together in harmony
Yeah in a perfect world, but it isn't perfect is it? And frankly I couldn't think of anything less romantic than sitting around the table talking finances every day and penny pinching to figure out how we could make our money work.
If you are in a trust relationship then why would there be an issue of having separate accounts?
normalguy68: Keeping a secret cash stash from your partner.
Not sharing bank details.
Keeping separate bank accounts.
The sort of thing people do when they're not really working together as a couple, but rather as two separate units who are not united.
Do you do this or have you done this.?
ie: keep pseparate financials
Not sharing bank details.
Keeping separate bank accounts.
The sort of thing people do when they're not really working together as a couple, but rather as two separate units who are not united.
Do you do this or have you done this.?
ie: keep pseparate financials
my sister and her husband of 15 years have separate bank accounts, debts everything, even to the point of halving the grocery bill.
Initially he was still married - just separated, and as my sister is a hard working woman she didnt feel like sharing any of her money with his ex wife when the divorce and child support came around.
Then as my brother in law is self employed, its her way of protecting her assests, should the business ever fail, and its easier for them to get finance in her name, then go through the rig - marole of banks and businesses.
It works for them. Although she is one of those women who admits .. whats hers is hers, whats his is hers... unless something needs to be fixed then she expects him to pay half.
Hi Normal , this is a serious question and one I asked myself after my husband and father of my children emptied our accounts sold our assets to his brother 18 months prior to shafting us and leaving with nothing except ofcourse a credit card which he had charged everything on in my name ofcourse .....
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
I think we do need to remember that while it is important to work as a team we are still individual. There shouldnt be any secrets, if you feel the need to hide your finances then there is something bigger going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
But honestly I have been in a relationship where every cent goes into one pot, but funnily my partner was withdrawing a lot more than me even though I was the main bread winner. The fact that I had to ask for a hair cut, then be denied because he didnt see it as a valid expense, yet $100 worth of alcohol a week for him was a necessity really isnt right. We should be able to have a personal account, the fact is as individuals there will always be differences of opinion, having our own independence is important, not only for a balance in the relationship, but also for our own feeling of confidence that we still have our own freedom. It shouldnt be hidden, but there is nothing wrong with each being allocated an amount after the budget has been done for the week, and up to them if they wanna spend or save
Its not a perfect world, and yes its important to work as a team, but its also important to be able to make small financial decisions on our own without having to justify every cent, Id never want to get a hair cut if I had to run it over the books every time, there needs to be a little freedom.
Relationships arnt about becoming one, they are about enhancing each other as individuals
Thanx for the welcome akaRALPH :)
But honestly I have been in a relationship where every cent goes into one pot, but funnily my partner was withdrawing a lot more than me even though I was the main bread winner. The fact that I had to ask for a hair cut, then be denied because he didnt see it as a valid expense, yet $100 worth of alcohol a week for him was a necessity really isnt right. We should be able to have a personal account, the fact is as individuals there will always be differences of opinion, having our own independence is important, not only for a balance in the relationship, but also for our own feeling of confidence that we still have our own freedom. It shouldnt be hidden, but there is nothing wrong with each being allocated an amount after the budget has been done for the week, and up to them if they wanna spend or save
Its not a perfect world, and yes its important to work as a team, but its also important to be able to make small financial decisions on our own without having to justify every cent, Id never want to get a hair cut if I had to run it over the books every time, there needs to be a little freedom.
Relationships arnt about becoming one, they are about enhancing each other as individuals
Thanx for the welcome akaRALPH :)
kizzy27: Hi Normal , this is a serious question and one I asked myself after my husband and father of my children emptied our accounts sold our assets to his brother 18 months prior to shafting us and leaving with nothing except ofcourse a credit card which he had charged everything on in my name ofcourse .....
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
Kizzy i don't believe that sort of move would take away a persons rights under matrimonial cause, i've just looked at Section 78, Section 79 and Section 79A of the Family Law Act of 1975.
I think many lawyers acting under the family law act are possibly miss guided, perhaps its possible you didn't receive good advice.
You had and still probably do have, rights in relation the property interests you both put together whether he flogged them off to his brother or not.
kizzy27:
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
Kizzy, Im like you, I've worked long and hard to have my house. Its not something that I would freely sign away in part to another person.
Perhaps if they were selling their house aswell and we both put the same amount into a joint home, that would be different.
Nor am I willing to take on someone elses financial follies
Its your right to think you had no legal recourse, but anybody can download and file out form 16, make an avadavat, attach copies supporting documents, make three copies of those, front the local plod or jp, take to nearest F.C. Registry pay filing fee (500, they stamp and give back two copies, you take to sheriffs,Office for service on other party, job done
If your happy to just put it down to experience then thats ok...
If your happy to just put it down to experience then thats ok...
Hi All...
Kizzy, I take my hat off you chick... Well done..
I have the misfortune of always finding guys who dont have anything, house nor much else... therefore, I was quite lucky when my last partner went back to live with his mum. and his morals were good... he never asked for a thing.
But we never shared accounts.. and when I did up my house, I paid and kept the receipts. .. It was a precaution that I did not need.. but ya never know...
But, now I am way too old to restart again if anything were to go amiss, therefore, I live on my own.
and should I be so lucky to find a fella who I cared enough for to have a real solid relationship with, then I would still keep my own. I'd never share..
Sounds awful, but I dont care to have debts at my age.. I dont have enough working years left..
Kizzy, I take my hat off you chick... Well done..
I have the misfortune of always finding guys who dont have anything, house nor much else... therefore, I was quite lucky when my last partner went back to live with his mum. and his morals were good... he never asked for a thing.
But we never shared accounts.. and when I did up my house, I paid and kept the receipts. .. It was a precaution that I did not need.. but ya never know...
But, now I am way too old to restart again if anything were to go amiss, therefore, I live on my own.
and should I be so lucky to find a fella who I cared enough for to have a real solid relationship with, then I would still keep my own. I'd never share..
Sounds awful, but I dont care to have debts at my age.. I dont have enough working years left..
morgansdesire: I think we do need to remember that while it is important to work as a team we are still individual. There shouldnt be any secrets, if you feel the need to hide your finances then there is something bigger going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
But honestly I have been in a relationship where every cent goes into one pot, but funnily my partner was withdrawing a lot more than me even though I was the main bread winner. The fact that I had to ask for a hair cut, then be denied because he didnt see it as a valid expense, yet $100 worth of alcohol a week for him was a necessity really isnt right. We should be able to have a personal account, the fact is as individuals there will always be differences of opinion, having our own independence is important, not only for a balance in the relationship, but also for our own feeling of confidence that we still have our own freedom. It shouldnt be hidden, but there is nothing wrong with each being allocated an amount after the budget has been done for the week, and up to them if they wanna spend or save
Its not a perfect world, and yes its important to work as a team, but its also important to be able to make small financial decisions on our own without having to justify every cent, Id never want to get a hair cut if I had to run it over the books every time, there needs to be a little freedom.
Relationships arnt about becoming one, they are about enhancing each other as individuals
Thanx for the welcome akaRALPH :)
But honestly I have been in a relationship where every cent goes into one pot, but funnily my partner was withdrawing a lot more than me even though I was the main bread winner. The fact that I had to ask for a hair cut, then be denied because he didnt see it as a valid expense, yet $100 worth of alcohol a week for him was a necessity really isnt right. We should be able to have a personal account, the fact is as individuals there will always be differences of opinion, having our own independence is important, not only for a balance in the relationship, but also for our own feeling of confidence that we still have our own freedom. It shouldnt be hidden, but there is nothing wrong with each being allocated an amount after the budget has been done for the week, and up to them if they wanna spend or save
Its not a perfect world, and yes its important to work as a team, but its also important to be able to make small financial decisions on our own without having to justify every cent, Id never want to get a hair cut if I had to run it over the books every time, there needs to be a little freedom.
Relationships arnt about becoming one, they are about enhancing each other as individuals
Thanx for the welcome akaRALPH :)
Hi Morgan You are just an hour away from me.... compared to everyone else that is close.
kizzy27: Hi Normal , this is a serious question and one I asked myself after my husband and father of my children emptied our accounts sold our assets to his brother 18 months prior to shafting us and leaving with nothing except ofcourse a credit card which he had charged everything on in my name ofcourse .....
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
That was 6 yrs ago
I now have bought a house have a new car and savings .I will nevaer again place trust of my finacial affairs in the hands of anyone but myself .
If I meet a man he will have to be self suficient
hes not getting his hands on anything ive got !
Thats not to say I wouldnt happily work together for thingswe wish to share just not my assets they are not for shares .
Good for you Kizzy.My Ex just kept getting our joint Visa Card into more and more debt,then when he left he was still drawing on it so reported it stolen.
At least hid the chequebook..... learnt from last time.
Left me with a debt of over thirty thou on the Visa.
Martia: Good for you Kizzy.My Ex just kept getting our joint Visa Card into more and more debt,then when he left he was still drawing on it so reported it stolen.
At least hid the chequebook..... learnt from last time.
Left me with a debt of over thirty thou on the Visa.
At least hid the chequebook..... learnt from last time.
Left me with a debt of over thirty thou on the Visa.
Jeez Martia,
That would take a heck of a lot to pay off.. I hope you are OK hun...
Merriweather: Jeez Martia,
That would take a heck of a lot to pay off.. I hope you are OK hun...
That would take a heck of a lot to pay off.. I hope you are OK hun...
Hello Merri
Shivers Martia... thats just awful.
Shell225: Hello Merri
Shivers Martia... thats just awful.
Shivers Martia... thats just awful.
Hi loverly Shell girl..
akaRALF: Yeah in a perfect world, but it isn't perfect is it? And frankly I couldn't think of anything less romantic than sitting around the table talking finances every day and penny pinching to figure out how we could make our money work.
If you are in a trust relationship then why would there be an issue of having separate accounts?
And if you trustone another, a shared bank account would have no dodgy transactions to hide would it?If you are in a trust relationship then why would there be an issue of having separate accounts?
Own bank accounts for me
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Not sharing bank details.
Keeping separate bank accounts.
The sort of thing people do when they're not really working together as a couple, but rather as two separate units who are not united.
Do you do this or have you done this.?
ie: keep pseparate financials