Financial infidelity (86)
jem1964: firstly Normal, I never put words in your mouth. All I did was repeated statements you have made repeatedly throughout the forums on what you will and wont accept in your ideal relationship.
Trust, well funny thing is I might know a little bit about trust. My ex and I had separate accounts coz that was what we agreed too, together, not just one person deciding what was right.
When we started the relationship he had no money in his account, drove an unregistered bomb, rented a unit and had no assets to speak of.
Within 3 years that same person had a house and a decent car. And in the ensuring 10 years the only reason he still had a house was because I bailed him out each time he stuffed up with money. And in the end he actually handed me his card to HIS account and asked me to mananage it.
Then the split happened and you know what I still had free access to his account for over 6 months afterwards and I was still paying his mortgage for him. Even after the breakup there was still trust.
So there was no financial infidelity in the relationship, in fact the relationship did not break down over money, but because of his own personal actions, which he still admits to now.
I say again, you are welcome to your ideals and ideas on what is right for you, it is your life. But please have the decency to allow others their ideals and ideas on what is right for them and dont put them down for their views.
By your actions, you tarnish everyone with the same brush. How do you know someone won't be better with money than you? Not being prepared to give your all to the relationship including joining financial resources really means you're still scarred by the past and not prepared to go into a mutually beneficial future. Lets say you had a business with someone, if you were keeping separate bank accounts within the Co. the business would be so much harder to keep track of and work out the quarterly BAS than if both partners had a shared bank account with their own eftpos cards. My motto has always been it's how you spend it that counts. I just bought a car with 90,000ks on the clock for $5,000, it feels like new inside, is so tight on the corners and under the bonnet looks like it could have come straight out of a showroom. I could have paid $18,000+ for a car with similar kms, but the car I bought is 16 years old, just very well looked after and garaged for the last 10 years. Point being it's not how much you earn, it's how you spend it that counts.Trust, well funny thing is I might know a little bit about trust. My ex and I had separate accounts coz that was what we agreed too, together, not just one person deciding what was right.
When we started the relationship he had no money in his account, drove an unregistered bomb, rented a unit and had no assets to speak of.
Within 3 years that same person had a house and a decent car. And in the ensuring 10 years the only reason he still had a house was because I bailed him out each time he stuffed up with money. And in the end he actually handed me his card to HIS account and asked me to mananage it.
Then the split happened and you know what I still had free access to his account for over 6 months afterwards and I was still paying his mortgage for him. Even after the breakup there was still trust.
So there was no financial infidelity in the relationship, in fact the relationship did not break down over money, but because of his own personal actions, which he still admits to now.
I say again, you are welcome to your ideals and ideas on what is right for you, it is your life. But please have the decency to allow others their ideals and ideas on what is right for them and dont put them down for their views.
normalguy68: By your actions, you tarnish everyone with the same brush. How do you know someone won't be better with money than you? Not being prepared to give your all to the relationship including joining financial resources really means you're still scarred by the past and not prepared to go into a mutually beneficial future. Lets say you had a business with someone, if you were keeping separate bank accounts within the Co. the business would be so much harder to keep track of and work out the quarterly BAS than if both partners had a shared bank account with their own eftpos cards. My motto has always been it's how you spend it that counts. I just bought a car with 90,000ks on the clock for $5,000, it feels like new inside, is so tight on the corners and under the bonnet looks like it could have come straight out of a showroom. I could have paid $18,000+ for a car with similar kms, but the car I bought is 16 years old, just very well looked after and garaged for the last 10 years. Point being it's not how much you earn, it's how you spend it that counts.
Business IS about money, relationships aren't.akaRALF: Well if you are checking up on and questioning every little transaction anyway, where is the trust?? Obviously you don't trust your partner at all if you have to rake over receipts and bank statements to see what they have been up to. Do you give your partner an 'allowance' to spend on personal items? How derogatory and certainly not part of a trusting and loving relationship for me.
Why is an allowance needed when you both have access to the same account?It goes both ways the checking up too.
Going by your opinion, you might as well live in separate homes with separate bank accounts as you're unable to join together spiritually and materially.
Really like having a poorer or richer boyfriend with a smaller or bigger bank book, it's not fair to either person in the relationship and just fraught with disaster in the long run.
akaRALF: Business IS about money, relationships aren't.
Weren't you the one who quoted relationships fail because of the stuff?AgentAjax: isn’t there a prenuptial agreement, or is this just a US law?
You can have a prenup, but most people know nothing about it.
normalguy68: Weren't you the one who quoted relationships fail because of the stuff?
No, I said they fight about it.
normalguy68: Why is an allowance needed when you both have access to the same account?
It goes both ways the checking up too.
Going by your opinion, you might as well live in separate homes with separate bank accounts as you're unable to join together spiritually and materially.
Really like having a poorer or richer boyfriend with a smaller or bigger bank book, it's not fair to either person in the relationship and just fraught with disaster in the long run.
It goes both ways the checking up too.
Going by your opinion, you might as well live in separate homes with separate bank accounts as you're unable to join together spiritually and materially.
Really like having a poorer or richer boyfriend with a smaller or bigger bank book, it's not fair to either person in the relationship and just fraught with disaster in the long run.
good grief, can you actually be a bigger drama queen? what rubbish.
god norm imagine a joint account with you Your tight as a fishes a**hole 
My ex husband was like that it was a controlling nightmare you remind me of him on so many levels ......
My ex husband was like that it was a controlling nightmare you remind me of him on so many levels ...... kizzy27: god norm imagine a joint account with you Your tight as a fishes a**hole My ex husband was like that it was a controlling nightmare you remind me of him on so many levels ......
doesn't he just. And when they are tight with financials they are tight with farkin everything, want everything, demand everything their own farkin way.Shell225: good grief, can you actually be a bigger drama queen? what rubbish.
I think he enjoys trying to make everyone mistrustful of each other just because he doesn't trust anyone himself. He is evil I tell you, E V I L!!! 
sxc666: doesn't he just. And when they are tight with financials they are tight with farkin everything, want everything, demand everything their own farkin way.
textbook tightwads .....
akaRALF: I think he enjoys trying to make everyone mistrustful of each other just because he doesn't trust anyone himself. He is evil I tell you, E V I L!!!
personally I think he's a frekn nutter
Was a good point you raised Ralf, and I was intending to say it too.
If you get someone a present, you dont want them knowing how much, and when you got it. I dont want my man stressing over the cost of that nawty underwear.. I want him
enjoying it... When my ex hubby and I went to financial counselling (trying to fix the broken marriage), one of the things that they insisted on, was each of us having a small allowance to spend as we saw fit.
akaRALF: I think he enjoys trying to make everyone mistrustful of each other just because he doesn't trust anyone himself. He is evil I tell you, E V I L!!!
Two words BENT UNIT..
Shell225: yep they a stingy with their love, their compliments, their happiness ... every bit of their lives
And it a bloody horrible life to live in.sxc666: And it a bloody horrible life to live in.
yes it is
sxc666: And it a bloody horrible life to live in.
certainly isn't the way I envision a perfect marriage.The point you raise is you don't like the tightwad partner, sounds like you prefer to live by the seat of your pants with a frivolous partner whose bum is always hanging out of his pants and never having two cents to rub together. Each to their own.
normalguy68: The point you raise is you don't like the tightwad partner, sounds like you prefer to live by the seat of your pants with a frivolous partner whose bum is always hanging out of his pants and never having two cents to rub together. Each to their own.
yes Normal, that is EXACTLY what we are saying. My god, you are a literary genius to read between the lines and work that out, how do you do it? And they say men don't know what women want, clearly you do.
akaRALF: yes Normal, that is EXACTLY what we are saying. My god, you are a literary genius to read between the lines and work that out, how do you do it? And they say men don't know what women want, clearly you do.
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I personally do not see a relationship built on a lack of trust going very far at all.
firstly Normal, I never put words in your mouth. All I did was repeated statements you have made repeatedly throughout the forums on what you will and wont accept in your ideal relationship.
Trust, well funny thing is I might know a little bit about trust. My ex and I had separate accounts coz that was what we agreed too, together, not just one person deciding what was right.
When we started the relationship he had no money in his account, drove an unregistered bomb, rented a unit and had no assets to speak of.
Within 3 years that same person had a house and a decent car. And in the ensuring 10 years the only reason he still had a house was because I bailed him out each time he stuffed up with money. And in the end he actually handed me his card to HIS account and asked me to mananage it.
Then the split happened and you know what I still had free access to his account for over 6 months afterwards and I was still paying his mortgage for him. Even after the breakup there was still trust.
So there was no financial infidelity in the relationship, in fact the relationship did not break down over money, but because of his own personal actions, which he still admits to now.
I say again, you are welcome to your ideals and ideas on what is right for you, it is your life. But please have the decency to allow others their ideals and ideas on what is right for them and dont put them down for their views.