Would you consider this as being "self-righteous" !?!?! ( Archived) (15)

I have a friend who said that I am “self-righteous” because I do not trust people who are liars. Now, please consider my definition of a “liar” first. I believe that a “liar” is an individual who thinks to reach for a lie in most cases then the truth. I personally am a very honest person but I have known some people who will lie at a drop of the hat. This person is upset because I said that I do not like to be around them because I feel that I cannot trust anything she says. I would love to have a closer friendship with this person but it is tough when I have no trust. Am I self-righteous? I do not feel as I am.

Thank you very much. I feel the same way. In no way do I claim to be perfect but I try very hard to live a good life. It is not my fault she does things differently.

I think what happened there was that you called her a liar, and she wanted to retaliate in a mild but appropriate way, and she called you self-righteous.

Both "liar" and "self-righteous" carry some hint of moral deficiency.

Like your other poster here says, the "self-righteous" may be expressed with other terms: "honest", "of strong moral conviction", "proud of his own moral conviction", etc. They are not equivalent to "self righteous" necessarily, but have much enough similarities in value and in meaning.

So to call you self-righteous is possibly correct, as well as to call you "of strong moral conviction". We are not a judge which you are; we are to see WHO says the opinion, since a lot of the opinion is based on how the opinion holder esteems you, aside from assessing you and noting you for not liking lies.

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Your friend is noticing your objection, and does not agree with it, and therefore argues that the objection is invalid, by calling your objection's background a fault in your personality.

In other words, you object to her lying, and she attempts to diminish the hitting power in your objection, by claiming that the objection is of questionable value.

(Very important: I may be describing the same thing and going in circles. I am very tired, and I nod off during the writing of each sentence. If I don't make sense, please don't make me a noperson.)

I think you need to ask yourself why you want this to be a closer friendship. Part of friendshiip is accepting someone for all their traits and characteristics (good and bad). So why do you want to have someone in your life who already has clearly demonstrated that they can't be trusted and that for you is an important value?

just my opinion but one has to be careful in calling others 'liars' . . . .or 'self righteous'. What you may term as lying may be his/her perspective on the truth, stating that they are lying says that you do not believe their side or their perspective of what they are saying. that being said of course there are all n out right lies that are clearly detectable which would be different from what i discribed at first. it appears that you may be placing judgment upon her without taking a step back and seeing her position or view.

that being said just my personal opinion but it is human nature to lie, peeps do it all the time . . . to themselfs and to others. we do so to make ourselves feel better about who we are, to lift our self esteem, and to justify our actions. anytime one begins labeling someone else we are judging them and placing a judgment upon them. i d be careful as to exactly the reasons behind placing those judgments? there are always red flags but as people it is important to know the difference between red flags and normal perspectives of individuals. sounds as if the person was replying in defense of that judgment made upon her and frankly i tend to agree. its really easy to be self righteous and a lot harder to see other's perspectives.

get rid of that friend........

nope

If you can not trust a person, why have ANY sort of relationship? I trust ALL my friends because if I find someone I cannot trust, I cut them off. Because of this, I do not have a lot of friends, but I have a small number of very GOOD friends, all of whom I trust with my life.