Can parents be selfish?? (68)
unlaoised: Your question is generalised, so don't be surprised if you get generalised responses.
I wish I was wise enough to make the question more specific,I apologize for that.------ This thread is Archived ------
jac379: If I'd spent £10,000 on rubber ducks, or a holiday and then my child came to me asking for £100 for help with rent, a suit for a job interview, or something to do with education, I'd feel pretty bad if I'd spent everything.
I might shout at the request to deflect from my guilt.
I've spent thousands on my daughter and granddaughter to help my daughter survive being a single mother in full-time education. Some of it she'll pay me back, some of it is a gift.
I could have made her do it all on her own, but I doubt she would have managed to keep up her education. I think she has enough on her plate and works plenty hard enough without me beating her with a big stick to make her a more responsible human being.
Helping your kids out is part of being a responsible parent. They start off being totally dependent upon you for their every need and development is just that - its a gradual process. I expect to be supporting her in the early years of adulthood.
Even in later life, events can take an unexpected turn. If she was 50 years old, she got made redundant and her house burned down, I wouldn't be telling her she has to stand on her own two feet. I'd be cooking supper with the door open.
I am glad that you got my point clearly.I really wanted someone to understand my feelings but not pick an argument.Thank you!!I might shout at the request to deflect from my guilt.
I've spent thousands on my daughter and granddaughter to help my daughter survive being a single mother in full-time education. Some of it she'll pay me back, some of it is a gift.
I could have made her do it all on her own, but I doubt she would have managed to keep up her education. I think she has enough on her plate and works plenty hard enough without me beating her with a big stick to make her a more responsible human being.
Helping your kids out is part of being a responsible parent. They start off being totally dependent upon you for their every need and development is just that - its a gradual process. I expect to be supporting her in the early years of adulthood.
Even in later life, events can take an unexpected turn. If she was 50 years old, she got made redundant and her house burned down, I wouldn't be telling her she has to stand on her own two feet. I'd be cooking supper with the door open.
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serene56: I think parents can do what they want with their money
I live in a society where we live together with our parents even after we get married.It is called as combined families.And there is no point of my money,his money or her money.It is our money and our family.I am supposed to look after my parents for the rest of their lives once I get a job.Be it living expenses,phone,medical,insurance etc.Everything is taken care of by the grown up children.He will be the bread winner for the whole family.In that case what is wrong if my parents help me in my youth days financially ???------ This thread is Archived ------
jac379: Repression, or oppression might be better words.
I'm a great believer in following one's passions. It leads to a better job being done and a more fulfilling life. Having your spirit drained with subjugation and a life which doesn't make your heart sing...you then have less to give to others.
Bear in mind though, your parents will have these ideas deeply entrenched in them for a reason. It will have been to do with their own history of survival. The world changes in many different ways and stays the same in others, but its sometimes difficult for us as parents to experience those changes in the way our children do.
yeah its repression!!!I'm a great believer in following one's passions. It leads to a better job being done and a more fulfilling life. Having your spirit drained with subjugation and a life which doesn't make your heart sing...you then have less to give to others.
Bear in mind though, your parents will have these ideas deeply entrenched in them for a reason. It will have been to do with their own history of survival. The world changes in many different ways and stays the same in others, but its sometimes difficult for us as parents to experience those changes in the way our children do.
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Sunny143: I am glad that you got my point clearly.I really wanted someone to understand my feelings but not pick an argument.Thank you!!
My pleasure, Sunny.
What are your options at the moment?
I can think of two with what little knowledge of your situation I have: You could get where you want to be on your own without their support, or blessing even if it takes you a long time to get there, or you could maybe find a way of negotiating with them, find the words which would appeal to their hearts.
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Lilly32: I think, south asian parents can be a very selfish to their children,a fact that they choose a relative as cousin to marry is sick and only because they know-better, lived many more years,more experienced and I would like to ask what kinda experience, like cooking and giving birth to many kids from a cousin ?
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jac379: My pleasure, Sunny.
What are your options at the moment?
I can think of two with what little knowledge of your situation I have: You could get where you want to be on your own without their support, or blessing even if it takes you a long time to get there, or you could maybe find a way of negotiating with them, find the words which would appeal to their hearts.
may I write to you in person.So that I can clearly tell my problem which I have been suffering for 10 years!!!What are your options at the moment?
I can think of two with what little knowledge of your situation I have: You could get where you want to be on your own without their support, or blessing even if it takes you a long time to get there, or you could maybe find a way of negotiating with them, find the words which would appeal to their hearts.
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Sunny143: may I write to you in person.So that I can clearly tell my problem which I have been suffering for 10 years!!!
You're more than welcome to write me in private mail, Sunny. It might be a bit of a slow process, I have a lot of work to do today. Be patient with me!
I'm just going to chuck a couple of ideas at your though. Until a few months ago, I lived in a combined family with my daughter and granddaughter. My daughter needed me to be her mother for a while after she had the baby, but it was very difficult for me to stop treating her as my child as time went on. It was very difficult for her stop behaving as if she were my child and stop expecting me to be her mum.
I miss them both terribly, but we both needed to move forward, to live separately, so I could start seeing her as an adult and fully assume my role as a grandparent. She needed to be without me to develop her skills as a parent, rather than remain a daughter.
I appreciate in your culture moving out of the house as a single man would be against your culture, but would it be possible for you to leave for a while? A job, or education abroad for a few months, or a year with their support, maybe? Just to allow for those changes in attitude to take place so when you do come back together as a combined family you're not viewing each other in terms of established childhood roles.
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jac379: You're more than welcome to write me in private mail, Sunny. It might be a bit of a slow process, I have a lot of work to do today. Be patient with me!
I'm just going to chuck a couple of ideas at your though. Until a few months ago, I lived in a combined family with my daughter and granddaughter. My daughter needed me to be her mother for a while after she had the baby, but it was very difficult for me to stop treating her as my child as time went on. It was very difficult for her stop behaving as if she were my child and stop expecting me to be her mum.
I miss them both terribly, but we both needed to move forward, to live separately, so I could start seeing her as an adult and fully assume my role as a grandparent. She needed to be without me to develop her skills as a parent, rather than remain a daughter.
I appreciate in your culture moving out of the house as a single man would be against your culture, but would it be possible for you to leave for a while? A job, or education abroad for a few months, or a year with their support, maybe? Just to allow for those changes in attitude to take place so when you do come back together as a combined family you're not viewing each other in terms of established childhood roles.
I'm just going to chuck a couple of ideas at your though. Until a few months ago, I lived in a combined family with my daughter and granddaughter. My daughter needed me to be her mother for a while after she had the baby, but it was very difficult for me to stop treating her as my child as time went on. It was very difficult for her stop behaving as if she were my child and stop expecting me to be her mum.
I miss them both terribly, but we both needed to move forward, to live separately, so I could start seeing her as an adult and fully assume my role as a grandparent. She needed to be without me to develop her skills as a parent, rather than remain a daughter.
I appreciate in your culture moving out of the house as a single man would be against your culture, but would it be possible for you to leave for a while? A job, or education abroad for a few months, or a year with their support, maybe? Just to allow for those changes in attitude to take place so when you do come back together as a combined family you're not viewing each other in terms of established childhood roles.
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Sadly,some people can be selfish,and perants are people.
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rebel2: Sadly,some people can be selfish,and perants are people.
Yes,I feel exactly the same way!!!!Hard to accept it but it is the truth..
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Sunny143: Yes,I feel exactly the same way!!!!Hard to accept it but it is the truth..
We dont choose our families Sunny,and sometimes they are not as we would like them to be...thats life! ------ This thread is Archived ------
Sunny143: Can the parents behave selfishly with their children??Can they just think of their own benefit rather than thinking about their child's future.Why do they behave so selfishly when it comes to money matters??
When I read this my sis-in-law comes to mind cause she is very selfish mother.She'd always put herself first over her own children.
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rebel2: We dont choose our families Sunny,and sometimes they are not as we would like them to be...thats life!
Yeah,and unfortunately nobody likes to talk about the bad side of God and parents..lol------ This thread is Archived ------
Sunny143: Yeah,and unfortunately nobody likes to talk about the bad side of God and parents..lol
Its never been a problem for me, i dont wear "rose tinted glasses." ------ This thread is Archived ------
Ccincy: I think he's asking a legitimate question.
Yeah now, the first caption is quite self centered.------ This thread is Archived ------
pedalguy59: Yeah now, the first caption is quite self centered.
yep
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pedalguy59: Yeah now, the first caption is quite self centered.
Why?
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Ccincy: When I read this my sis-in-law comes to mind cause she is very selfish mother.She'd always put herself first over her own children.
It is just one example,I bet there are millions of children who are suffering in silence,or may be have not or will never realize that they are suffering.I really dislike the parents who never even try to understand their own mistakes and always complain about their children.Bad parenting could affect the child psychologically and there by may become a threat to the society.Especially if parents fail to maintain peace and harmony(mostly lost because of selfish desires)at home.It will surely effect the children's life in some way or the other.------ This thread is Archived ------
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If I'd spent £10,000 on rubber ducks, or a holiday and then my child came to me asking for £100 for help with rent, a suit for a job interview, or something to do with education, I'd feel pretty bad if I'd spent everything.
I might shout at the request to deflect from my guilt.
I've spent thousands on my daughter and granddaughter to help my daughter survive being a single mother in full-time education. Some of it she'll pay me back, some of it is a gift.
I could have made her do it all on her own, but I doubt she would have managed to keep up her education. I think she has enough on her plate and works plenty hard enough without me beating her with a big stick to make her a more responsible human being.
Helping your kids out is part of being a responsible parent. They start off being totally dependent upon you for their every need and development is just that - its a gradual process. I expect to be supporting her in the early years of adulthood.
Even in later life, events can take an unexpected turn. If she was 50 years old, she got made redundant and her house burned down, I wouldn't be telling her she has to stand on her own two feet. I'd be cooking supper with the door open.