Can parents be selfish?? ( Archived) (68)

shhh jac, a little ego stroking is all

She is not just a rose,she is a bouquet.A very special lady.

I like Meercats, what an awesome mammal.

I don't know if it is true,but I don't think it is a rite!!No one can make his/her child look after them just by dictating.It worsens the situation.Parents love should be unconditional and so should be the children's love for them.

And, in my experience , the ones that got the most material-wise continue to find other people in their adulthood (husbands, bf's, good employers) to give to them because they have a sense of entitlement, and this sense of self works very well for them. They have the highest-paying jobs because daddy paid for their entire education AND bought them new cars, yes I said NEW cars for all 3 adult children, while they were in college!!!!! so they could be 'safe'. They all lived at home until they were married at ages 26-28, and even moved with the parents to a brand new huge house on several acres!

And they CONTINUE to be given things into their 40's! By 'things' I don't mean occasional help for emergencies- I mean countless extended trips to Europe, Hawaii, and worldwide. Campers and 6-month stays in New Zealand and Ireland (most people have to WORK and can't afford to take 6-month excursions) Worldwide moves and cars and dad helping to get them houses! That's right, houses, plural.

In exchange for all this tremendously generous giving, the parents are way too involved in the adults' lives, even after they have children of their own! It is not healthy at all. It is fine to help people when they need it, but not with strings attached.

Those of us that moved out at very early ages, worked manual labor or low paying jobs that you cannot live on, lived on 50- cent soup and had no furniture or house of our own for many years are the ones that continue to struggle later on most of the time. We get the cheaper houses (if we can afford a house at all) in the much-cheaper neighborhoods while those that were handed everything on a silver plate marry the doctors and lawyers ( they did in my family) and have houses that cost almost 4x as much. So, a sense of entitlement can be a good thing. They wouldn't lower themselves to accept the minimum wage jobs we offered them and instead found someone to support them financially.

Other than the arranged-marriages, there are MANY families that control their adult children through money and finances in many different cultures. They give money as long as the adult child does what they want them to do. If the child lives out of state or wants to move away,for example, and moves away from relatives, that assistance is not given by those who want their adult children near them. It is wrong not to assist your child with college, for example, if you are financially able to, and to watch them struggle terribly. That is selfishness. Why would you not want them to be successful and have money of their own? Because you want them dependent on you for a variety of reasons.



Those that do not want to be controlled financially go out on their own and stop accepting money from relatives.

We were also expected, as teens and young adults, to help with our grandmother who lived in the downstairs rooms of the house that we rented. This was just expected from the time we were very young.